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AIBU to think 10pm is too late to call?

(35 Posts)
HoneyJarvis Mon 21-Nov-16 06:49:55

When my baby was new born, my Dad used to phone the mobile, and when I couldn't or didn't answer, he would ring the landline. This was usually around 8pm when I'd just got the little one to bed (he was a bad sleeper) and it would usually wake him and I would have spend another 30-40 minutes trying to settle him again.

My Dad works hard and is a loving Dad, and I really appreciate that he cares enough to call, but I asked if he would mind not calling the landline after say 7pm as it wakes the baby. I said if he called the mobile, and I didn't or couldn't answer, I'd phone him back when I could that evening, and to only phone the landline late if it was an emergency. However, he did the same again a few more times, and I kept politely asking him not to, until I became really short with him on the phone. He sounded upset and said that the baby would have to get used to sleeping through noise and that he only wanted to make sure we were ok.

I felt guilty and the evening landline calls stopped...until now. I have a good relationship with Dad, he will babaysit whenever needed and now my little one has just turned 2, he has just called the landline again but gone 10pm. I have been up since 4am and so got an early night. The whole house was asleep so I shot out of bed to answer the landline, only to find that he had just finished work and wanted a chat about a text I sent at 10am (that didn't require a reply).

Sorry it's a long story, but to cut to the chase, AIBU to think 10pm is too late to call for a chat?

My husband and I work and we have a toddler so we're shattered most of the time! I was short with him again, as it wasn't an emergency, and I had just been woken up. But it's now playing on my mind as I clearly upset him by asking him not to call at 10pm again.

SailingThroughTime Mon 21-Nov-16 06:53:37

Tell him you're going to seitch off tbe ringer on your landline before you go to bed as you don't want to be woken up.

Ahickiefromkinickie Mon 21-Nov-16 06:54:04

YANBU. My mum puts her landline phone on silent at 9pm and on again at 10am. We try not to call her between those times or just call her mobile.

SailingThroughTime Mon 21-Nov-16 06:54:45

Switch off the ringer blush

TupsNSups Mon 21-Nov-16 06:55:27

The answer is simple, unplug your landline at 7pm.

LineyReborn Mon 21-Nov-16 06:55:52

I know why you're upset - it's that conflict between knowing you're actually not being particularly unreasonable and your dad (who you love) acting like you are.

I keep my landline ringer off, tbh.

peachesandcreamdream Mon 21-Nov-16 06:56:21

Unplug the landline

ConvincingLiar Mon 21-Nov-16 06:58:49

Yes it's too late. I'd only call a mobile if I knew someone was awake, eg because I could see them online or they'd just replied to a text.

pullingmyhairout1 Mon 21-Nov-16 07:05:56

My friend regularly calls my home phone gone 10pm and is on the phone until 1/2am. She has three children under 4. I have now learnt to switch the phone to automatic answer phone and my mobile on silent otherwise I can't function at work the next day.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Mon 21-Nov-16 07:07:02

Unplug landline and if you go to bed earlier than usual send text saying: "just got little one to sleep heading to bed now very tired landline unplugged so don't worry if you can't get through, all is well"
Although if you can reeducate him that would be infinitely better. 10pm is late by anyone's standards but especially for parents with young children.

HoneyJarvis Mon 21-Nov-16 07:11:16

Thanks for all the quick replies-nice to know I am not be unreasonable, and yes, you're right Lineyreborn, that's exactly the problem! I am going to take the phone 'off the hook' permanently as I know that I'll never remember to do it every night! I just wanted it in case someone needed me in an emergency (I put my mobile on silent at night).

MauiWest Mon 21-Nov-16 07:12:13

Unless you specifically tell someone it's ok, of course it's too late. If your dad keep forgetting, unplug the phone. Having young children is even irrelevant, sometimes people just want/need to sleep!

I speak with my sisters at 11 or midnight, but only after one text the other first. Sometimes I have an early night and am asleep, others I just finish work and it's fine.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Mon 21-Nov-16 07:13:34

You say your Dad works hard, which means he probably can't call you during the working day, you have now said he can't ring after 7pm, when is he supposed to chat with you? That's not a very big window you've left him. You can turn down/off the ringer volume on the landline, your baby will have to get used to sleeping through normal household noise. 10pm is late for most people but I think nothing after 7pm is unreasonable.

JosephineMaynard Mon 21-Nov-16 07:15:05

I personally think 10pm is too late to call someone unless it's for an emergency or something urgent. Although DH and his parents seem to think nothing of calling each other at this time for a lengthy chit chat.

HearTheThunderRoar Mon 21-Nov-16 07:15:16

Yanbu, I think anyone calling someone with a young child after 8pm is thoughtless, especially when you have offered an alternative.

HoneyJarvis Mon 21-Nov-16 07:18:33

My Dad works varied hours and days so can phone at different times if needs be. All great ideas-thank you.

GrinchyMcGrincherson Mon 21-Nov-16 07:24:22

My iPhone has a dnd setting. It comes on and off at set times but specific numbers I set can still call so an emergency call would get through.

I would unplug landline completely and tell him to call your mobile. Then before bed fire off an I'm ok I'm going to bed text. That way he knows you are ok and will hopefully keep the calls earlier.

NicknameUsed Mon 21-Nov-16 07:31:25

I think the advice from One more cup and Grinchy is the best.

It sounds as if your dad is lonely. How often do you see him?

HoneyJarvis Mon 21-Nov-16 07:41:56

Thanks but my Dad has a very busy, very full lifestyle and lives with his wife! I think that it's just because he's a night owl, he kinda thinks we're the same (but I love and need my sleep)! He moved a 2hr drive away so only get to see him a couple of times a month (if lucky)!

flopsypopsymopsy Mon 21-Nov-16 07:45:14

I have a similar problem with my Mum. I now get comments that there is never a right time to call....

The fact of the matter is, I work very hard and don't have an awful lot of free time. After a long day at work, I don't actually feel like talking on the phone for 1.5 hours! She goes from ringing me three times a day to not at all. She also rings the landline and the mobile and gets a bit upset if I don't call her back almost immediately.

If he can't phone after 7pm that's a very small window. Could you make it 9pm? I'm sure the baby would get used to it and start to sleep through. You could then turn the ringer off after 9pm. I would also consider scheduling calls so if he rings your mobile and leaves a message, text him back and say that you're sorry, you're really tired and will call him back tomorrow at 7pm?

HoneyJarvis Mon 21-Nov-16 08:05:31

I'm usually in the bath/bedtime routine by 7pm so wouldn't be able to chat anyway (husband works lots of hours too), but I have said that if I don't answer the mobile, i'all phone back ASAP that evening. The things is, we live in a small bungalow, so when the phone rings, you can hear it through the house! I think the only answer is to switch it off.

Fortitudine Mon 21-Nov-16 08:44:25

Absolutely too late. When I first moved in with DH post graduation I had this problem with his mother. Except she would ring at gone midnight and the phone was on my side of the bed (pre mobiles).

It needs nipping in the bud pretty smartish. I just started saying I'm sorry, this is too late, I have to be up at 6, and when that didn't work I unplugged the phone.

NicknameUsed Mon 21-Nov-16 10:06:11

Can you turn the volume down at all?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Mon 21-Nov-16 10:08:06

10pm is too late, but I disagree with the sentiment of tiptoeing around with ringers off etc. How do you have a life for the next X number of years if you can't live normally in your own home?

MauiWest Mon 21-Nov-16 10:46:42

I've always switch off the phone (and the door bell) when I wanted to sleep, even when I was at uni. You only have to stop when your kids are old enough to go out late and you need to be reachable even in the middle of the night.

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