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**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

(219 Posts)
jayisforjessica Sun 20-Nov-16 21:14:45

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

OohhThatsMe Sun 20-Nov-16 21:16:04

How on earth do you hear these things? Don't you have her blocked?

ConvincingLiar Sun 20-Nov-16 21:17:55

No point confronting her. She's a liar with dubious ethics. Perhaps be upfront with people who you want to know the truth.

OrianaBanana Sun 20-Nov-16 21:18:28

Why would you bother confronting her over it? Why give a fuck what she's saying, it'll be pretty clear you don't give a stuff one way or the other.

BratFarrarsPony Sun 20-Nov-16 21:18:31

Sounds like a soap opera.

Waffles80 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:18:36

"Tear then a new one" is such a disgusting expression. I really wish people wouldn't use it..

Sweets101 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:20:04

You know that saying any press is good press? The worst thing you could do to this woman is maintain a dignified silence and ignore it.

jayisforjessica Sun 20-Nov-16 21:21:10

We still have mutual friends. We belong to a much larger group that has existed for 15+ years and posters on the other thread were ready to vilify me for wanting to oust her - I don't want to oust her from the group, just from my home, which I've done. The mutual friends are the ones bringing the lies to me, just in a "Hey Jay, C says the reason you fell out was because you're actually in love with her and she doesn't return your feelings, what's up with that?"

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Sun 20-Nov-16 21:21:42

Oh fuck me. Keep your head down and let the silly mare get on with it.

CookieLady Sun 20-Nov-16 21:23:03

You appear to like drama. If not, ignore or laugh it off! grin

YouHadMeAtCake Sun 20-Nov-16 21:23:24

Who could be bothered with all that drama. Block her on all social media and tell the people who delight in passing on the tit bits of her gossip that you don't want to hear it or block them too.

longdiling Sun 20-Nov-16 21:23:32

They never say that surely?! How old are you all?! Surely if you've just come out of one relationship and into another and are pregnant with twins your friends would just laugh at the idea that you are also in love with c? Wouldn't they just give her the hmm face and back away from the crazy lady?

stitchglitched Sun 20-Nov-16 21:23:53

Just ignore her, surely you have more important things to worry about at the moment.

Milzilla Sun 20-Nov-16 21:23:57

Yabu for 'tear a new one'. Disgusting and cringey turn of phrase.

AyeAmarok Sun 20-Nov-16 21:25:03

Don't feed the drama llama.

Give a hmm look if anyone shitstirs tells you what she's saying, and move on.

BratFarrarsPony Sun 20-Nov-16 21:25:36

I agree 'tear a new one' is horrible. Tear a new what exactly?
Honestly is this some practice script writing for a new soap opera or do people really carry on like this?
My life is so dull in comparison.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 20-Nov-16 21:25:58

Horrible dreadful women. Showing an interest in your pregnancy.

Maybe83 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:26:03

Really? You have a child expecting twins just ended one relationship to start a new one and you are giving this any head space?

My advice close rank on your group of friends and concentrate on your family/home life for awhile. I think you probably have enough drama to contend with.

Matchingbluesocks Sun 20-Nov-16 21:26:18

You sound like a total drama queen and I can't believe this came from her touching your tummy. You sound like one of those people who always HAS to have some drama

JennyHolzersGhost Sun 20-Nov-16 21:26:19

Agree with Waffles. It is a revolting, crass phrase.

As for your situation - you've just left your partner for someone else, you have a child already and are expecting twins ? Surely you have more important things to worry about than a gossipy acquaintance.

IrenetheQuaint Sun 20-Nov-16 21:27:28

Gosh, I am surprised you have time to worry about this what with just having dumped your DP for a new female partner while being pregnant with twins. Just forget about her.

DearMrDilkington Sun 20-Nov-16 21:27:30

That phrase is awful. I remember your last post though, I'm quite surprised with your update..

This is all sounds abit crazy. How old are you all? Your friends comments are a bit off.. they seem to enjoy the drama.

stitchglitched Sun 20-Nov-16 21:28:03

It does seem very self indulgent to be fretting about this when you have just blown your family apart.

Ohyesiam Sun 20-Nov-16 21:29:35

She just wants the drama, don't give her the satisfaction. It's mostly obvious when people are lying, and soonet of later she will stir too much shit, and people won't want to put up with her any more.
You can't control how she behaves, but your responses are up to you.
If anyone brings it up with you just smile and say " in her dreams ".
Hope it goes well with your new partner.

icelollycraving Sun 20-Nov-16 21:29:42

I also hate that phrase.
You certainly sound like you entertain the drama. It must be very uncomfortable for your friends,all this business. Perhaps she made a joke to laugh it all off.
You're lucky that your dp is so understanding about your new relationship whilst you're pregnant. I suspect that is more discussed than this touchy feely woman.

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