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DH and finances

(111 Posts)
xoxopussycat Sun 20-Nov-16 20:36:26

So my husband just came to me saying that I need to go back to work (we've got a 4 months old baby) because he needs to remortgage the house and I need to be working full time in order to use my income. It was a bit of a shock as he had this place before we met.

He then said that it was a "interest only" mortgage deal for many years and now he needs to remortgage. His income is not enough so I need to find a full time job ASAP and get a joint mortgage to continue to live here.

I agreed (I didn't think much at the moment) and now I'm having a child care being paid (with my parent's money) so I can go to work and sort out this mortgage.

Now he comes to me and say that I need to contribute at least with £600 because we've got a spare room in his house, and he used to have lodgers living here before we started living together.

So AIBU to think it's unfair? I'm going back to work living my little baby in order to sort out the mortgage of a house that he had before met me, having child care paid by my parents and he wants me paying £600? I'm feeling I'm being used. confused

BackforGood Sun 20-Nov-16 20:42:00

I don't know if it's the way you phrased it, but it sounds incredibly blunt and cold and businesslike.

The amounts of mortgage, the amounts needed to cover bills, etc.,etc., might add up or might not, but surely any normal loving couple sit down together to have a look at the finances, and decide together what you are both going to do to tackle any issues. Also to look at the timescales and longer term plans etc. If he had a lodger who moved out for you to move in, then you can see that income would need to be replaced - didn't you talk about all this when you first moved in ? Before you started thinking about having dc together ?

The issue here, to me, seems to be he is 'dictating' what is going to happen.

Underthemoonlight Sun 20-Nov-16 20:44:07

I don't get it you're married surely it's your house aswell?

KatharinaRosalie Sun 20-Nov-16 20:44:48

He needs to remortgage. His house. But you are paying for it?

RandomMess Sun 20-Nov-16 20:45:16

You need to look at the finances together - how much is owed, what is the term, can you downsize?

Nothing should be dictated!! I'm surprised finances weren't looked at a bit more before you got married/had a child.

Mum2jenny Sun 20-Nov-16 20:45:46

Would you be better living on your own with the baby? It's certainly something you need to consider. I think he is taking the proverbial!

Trifleorbust Sun 20-Nov-16 20:46:26

You're married but with completely separate finances? He is telling you how much you need to 'contribute' or you won't be able to live there anymore? shock

I am not suggesting you rule out going back to work but that sounds like a conversation that needs to be started again.

1. Why aren't you already on the mortgage?
2. Have you found a job yet?
3. Why are your parents paying for childcare?
4. Do you actually understand the finances, including what he earns and what the money is spent on?

OldRosesDoomed Sun 20-Nov-16 20:47:01

Difficult. Was there no openness about finances before the union. Why the sudden problem now?

Softkitty2 Sun 20-Nov-16 20:49:17

Well if thats the case. Ask to be included in the deed of the house. He makes it sounds like your a lodger and he is collecting rent.

NerrSnerr Sun 20-Nov-16 20:49:35

What is the backstory to this? What were you contributing before you had the baby? Why are your parents paying for childcare? If you're married why weren't you already on the mortgage?

Softkitty2 Sun 20-Nov-16 20:49:41


Softkitty2 Sun 20-Nov-16 20:52:18

If he refuses to include you in the ownership of the house. Say you will contribute to the bills and not a penny more.

honeylulu Sun 20-Nov-16 20:54:16

Have you broached that as your parents are funding childcare (full time nursery for us is £850 per month) rather than it being paid from household income, they are effectively paying some of the mortgage - how does he justify that?

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 20-Nov-16 20:54:26

If you are going to be on the mortgage I would insist upon having your name on the deeds! It sounds very strange that he marries you, has a child with you (surely he should pay childcare if you have to work)?!

ConvincingLiar Sun 20-Nov-16 20:54:39

What did you know/agree pre-marriage and pre-baby?

golfbuggy Sun 20-Nov-16 20:54:48

Really puzzled by this ... did you have no discussion about finances before moving into the house, before getting married, before getting pregnant? The fact the mortgage was interest only and you parents are paying childcare suggests you (as a couple) are living beyond your means - have you both been sticking your heads in the sand? If you are getting a joint mortgage I hope he is also adding you to the deeds of the house?

LeninaCrowne Sun 20-Nov-16 20:55:24

The interest rates have been very low for at least 10 years. If he was on an interest only tracker mortgage he will have been paying very little in interest. Ok if he had been on a fixed rate, with penalties for changing in the first 2 years then it could have been more, but why didn't he remortgage as soon as he could if that were the case?
At the very least he should show you all the paperwork, confirm how much he is paying in interest, how long the term has etc. Why didn't he have any way of repaying the capital? You don't just have to accept his word on it.

Candlelight123 Sun 20-Nov-16 20:55:46

If you do this 100% make sure it's a joint mortgage and you are in the deeds.

Ahickiefromkinickie Sun 20-Nov-16 20:59:08

Adding to Trifle's questions:

- is he your children's father?
- do you have a joint account? i.e. is the additional £600 going into a joint pot to pay outgoings
- is the housework shared between you if you are both working full time
- why did he have to remortgage the house and did he make any money from it e.g. equity?

Longdistance Sun 20-Nov-16 20:59:14

Get your name on the deeds, make it legal.

If he doesn't agree, he's on his own.

Lorelei76 Sun 20-Nov-16 20:59:17

First question, what's his reason for needing to remortgage? I get that he might save money but as this seems to have happened out of the blue, I reckon that's not the reason.

OohhThatsMe Sun 20-Nov-16 21:00:05

So he's had an interest only mortgage but with no endowment policy, is that it? And now he needs to sort things out?

xoxopussycat Sun 20-Nov-16 21:01:35

My parents are paying for child care because we cannot afford.

What he says is that once the mortgage is sorted out I can stop working and look after our baby again. But then this morning he mentioned the £600... his idea is that I could work Saturdays and also from home in order to get this money. That's why I'm not sure if IABU... I'm very confused and feeling being under pressure because of work. I worked until the day before I had the baby and we had plans for me to go back to work within 2 weeks after the delivery. "Luckily" I had a caesarean and I could stay at home with our baby longer than that.
It's really nice to hear different opinions. Before the birth he making sure I was well enough to carry on working heavily pregnant and Asap once I delivered the our baby.

53rdAndBird Sun 20-Nov-16 21:03:43

How much do you know about his finances? Are they totally separate from yours?

CheddarGorgeous Sun 20-Nov-16 21:04:49

Do you know all the details of your finances? And if not why not?

It sounds incredibly fishy.

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