To be upset by DH's bath?

(114 Posts)
KellyBoo800 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:46:32

We've been TTC for a year, DH has a sperm count of 2 million and we've been given a 0.5% chance of conceiving naturally, and won't be able to get IVF on the NHS. We only found out on Friday.

I bought DH some vitamins that I prompt him to take every evening when I take mine, which isn't an issue. But DH just started to run a bath, so I reminded him (having discussed it yesterday) that baths are not good for him with his low count. He said "OK we can have sex first and then I'll have a bath". I then explained that that's not how it works and that he needs to avoid hot baths in general to help with healthy sperm production. He said "fine I'll have a shower" but seemed sulky about it.

AIBU to be pissed off? I've spent the best part of a year temping, using OPK's, checking cervical mucus, and reading up on anything and everything that can help. He's not even so much as Googled what can help his low count, and now is getting grotty that he can't have a fucking bath!

Before anyone asks, he wants to have a baby as much as I do. But he does already have a DD and had a low count back then too, so I think he is just of the mind that it'll happen eventually so just go with the flow, whereas he doesn't seem to realise that having a low count 8 years ago and having a low count now are not the same because his count has decreased dramatically so it's not going to "just happen" by itself.

I'm probably being too emotional about this but the one thing he could do to fucking support me right now is give up his weekly fucking bath and he can't even do that without fucking sulking. Hopefully his 20 minute fucking shower has given him some time to realise what an arse he is being!!!

quicklydecides Sun 20-Nov-16 19:48:28

I'm sorry, it's such a difficult time.
It's OK to be irritated with each other.
It's all so hard.
The very best of luck though..

YoScienceBitch Sun 20-Nov-16 19:48:42

I think a grown man can decide how he washes himeself.

BubbleGumBubble Sun 20-Nov-16 19:51:25

Is there really medical evidence that 1 bath a week can alter a sperm count?

Strictly1 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:51:28

I fully understand why you're cross but you getting anxious I would think will have a bigger impact than a hot bath. We struggled and it was when I had started to accept we wouldn't have a baby and began to forget about conceiving we fell pregnant. Sorry. Good luck.

TaraCarter Sun 20-Nov-16 19:51:46

YANBU to get upset. I can see how infuriating that must have been.

KellyBoo800 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:52:05

Yo I'm not telling him how to wash himself, only reminding him that my only chance of me ever being a mother would increase if he could skip the bath and have a shower instead. It's not like I'm saying it to save a few quid on the water meter!!

brummiesue Sun 20-Nov-16 19:52:46

Oh dear I think yabu, sorry, I know its tough but I dont think a hot bath every so often will make a massive amount of difference

Starwarsorbaby Sun 20-Nov-16 19:52:50

Yabu. Being stressed isn't going to help. He's not injecting illegal drugs, he wants a bath!

TaraCarter Sun 20-Nov-16 19:52:53

I'm not sure what the most reasonable thing to do is, but your feelings are normal.

GreenTureen Sun 20-Nov-16 19:53:23

YANBU but neither is he...thoughtless maybe but let him sulk for a few minutes, we all feel like it sometimes. If he's still sulking in two days then he is definitely BU!

Like the pp said, it's a difficult time and you're going to get irritated with each other flowers

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Sun 20-Nov-16 19:53:38

I think he may underestimate the issues. My DP did until after his first fertility test results which were catastrophic. Then he got a grip, and in fact gave up smoking, drinking, the lot. We're waiting for test results for the second sample now, so it will be interesting to see what, if any, difference the lifestyle changes have made.

Have heart OP, but maybe he just doesn't understand quite what's going on for him. Maybe go back to the doc to discuss how it works for him?

Potatoooooo Sun 20-Nov-16 19:54:08

He's going through this emotional roller coaster with you too, just remember that.

KellyBoo800 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:54:36

Bubble there is medical evidence to suggest that overheated testicles produce significantly lower quantity of sperm. And tbh it's not even that it might make a difference - even if there was only a slight chance of it helping, is it really too much to ask? Is a weekly bath more important than us conceiving and everything I have had to put myself through? It's about showing solidarity more than anything.

RoboticSealpup Sun 20-Nov-16 19:54:58

I can understand that you feel this way. Men probably aren't used to thinking about themselves in terms of fertility. The way our society treats these issues, you could be forgiven for thinking that women multiply by parthenogenesis and that men have nothing to do with it.

GreenTureen Sun 20-Nov-16 19:55:15

only reminding him that my only chance of me ever being a mother would increase if he could skip the bath and have a shower instead

Ouch. Using that specific type of language to him is probably not the best way to encourage a good response tbph op. You're both trying to have a child together...a child that will belong to you both. He's not there to follow instructions and fulfill a job that needs doing for your benefit only.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Sun 20-Nov-16 19:55:20

And it's also about more than just your chance of conceiving, you want to be doing this together. I can't implore you enough not to make this all about you. It's about both of you.

NavyandWhite Sun 20-Nov-16 19:55:28

With 0.5% chance of conceiving naturally would a bath make that much difference?

Sorry things are difficult for you. Wishing you so much luck.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 20-Nov-16 19:56:04

This is so difficult. I prefer showers hugely but when I couldn't have a bath because of a big open wound, I wanted one more than anything. Hot baths are lovely. I expect he's feeling the combination of that, and that it feels like infertility starts to control your entire life - and it's likely to be more painful for him because the problem is "his".

Would private IVF be an option if NHS is definitely off the cards?

Do try and look after each other, it's a really difficult thing to go through. I don't think anyone is being unreasonable. Best of luck flowers

Uiscebeatha85 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:58:15

My dp has baths daily but the water is below his bits iyswim. Maybe suggest that? I don't think 1 bath a week would make much difference though, sorry op flowers best of luck with your journey

KellyBoo800 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:58:17

There's evidence to suggest that men with a low count who spend 30 mins a week in 'wet heat' and then give it up have up to a 500% increase in sperm after 4 months. So I'm not just being a bitch about the bath, I promise! (Although will accept that I am extremely emotional and love him very much so will talk to him a out this without being a complete bitch to him!)

BubbleGumBubble Sun 20-Nov-16 19:58:42

there is medical evidence to suggest

Suggest not proven.

It must me so stressful for you both and I can see both sides.
In your bid to get pregnant OP do not destroy your relationship.

Mrsemcgregor Sun 20-Nov-16 19:59:36

I think maybe you are being a tiny bit sensitive but that is totally normal after your fertility diagnosis.

If you are anything like I was 10 years ago you have been living and breathing ttc for as long as you can remember. You are right, with that sperm count you are very unlikely for it to happen naturally. A hot bath probably won't make a difference, other than in the run up to ivf with icsi.

There was a place that offered an all in one price including treatment and drugs when I was going through this (count of 1.5 million). It was a lot cheaper than most places. PM me if you would like the details.

Good luck.

howitis Sun 20-Nov-16 19:59:51

Would he consider a bath once a week and shower the rest? Also consider asking him to have a small amount of sunflower and pumpkin seeds daily. I wasn't sure on the seeds but the results for my husband did go up after he was eating them.

sparechange Sun 20-Nov-16 19:59:59

I've been there, and know how heartbreaking it all is, and how easy it is to obsess over the tiny details.

But will all the will in the world, the occasional bath is going to have zero impact.

The coming months will be difficult, especially if you decide to do IVF
You need to be a team and not wind each other up about silly little things like this.

Good luck with it all flowers

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