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6 months pregnant and husband is messaging another girl

(12 Posts)
mumtobe0317 Sun 20-Nov-16 18:16:15

I am 6 months pregnant with our first baby and all excited getting things ready. Husband appears to be totally amazing and supportive in every way until... I spot an fb message on his phone from a girl whose name I don't recognise. I log into his account (which I know its bad) and it appears they chat daily with some low level flirting- nothing too explicit but things like her saying she'll give him a massage when she visits and him responding with "sound, my hip is hurting wink ". They used to go to school together but they are definitely not close friends as he has never mentioned her before. She lives in Indonesia so I am not worried about them actually meeting up but I don't know how to handle this! I am feeling betrayed, humiliated, scared... but trying to convince myself I am worrying about nothing.

I just want to scream at him why now!? Most of all I am worried the stress is harmful to the baby but I also feel like I can't confront him because I shouldn't snoop into his messages, that was wrong of me.

Am I being unreasonable!?

HelenaWay Sun 20-Nov-16 19:03:21

Ask him about it.

Shockers Sun 20-Nov-16 19:04:50

Yep, just talk to him.

ConvincingLiar Sun 20-Nov-16 19:06:32

Don't worry about your baby. Whilst stress is not ideal, people manage to have babies in war zones.

Do ask him about it. It sounds like a bit of safe escapism that he knows isn't coming to anything, still not good though.

notapizzaeater Sun 20-Nov-16 19:08:53

You're having a baby together - you need to talk to him and get it out in the open.

mumtobe0317 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:13:56

Ok, so seems to be unanimous advice is to talk to him. He gets home from work in a few hours... I will try to bring it up then. Thank you all.

John4703 Sun 20-Nov-16 19:16:18

I log into his account (which I know its bad) I disagree that it is bad to look at his account. My DW looks at my Facebook and I look at hers. If either of us gets a text the person nearest the phone reads it, it helps that we have the same passwords so easy to do.
It is marriage so sharing is part of it.
I also think that a bit of harmless flirting might be just that. I've done it and my wife has seen it and knew it was to cheer up an old friend who was feeling low and flirting with me, knowing it was safe for her, helped her through a bad patch.
Talk to him and I really hope it all works out well for the three of you.

bumsexatthebingo Sun 20-Nov-16 19:24:53

I'm always a bit puzzled about the posts on here by people who won't confront their partner for flirting with other women (or more) because they have found out by looking through their phone/Facebook. Does anyone who has been caught out actually have the brass neck to tell their partner off for looking through their phone?
And flirting daily with a girl he has never mentioned to you is an emotional affair in my book op. Too right you should tell him you know about it.

Sixweekstowait Sun 20-Nov-16 19:29:21

Don't feel bad - he shouldn't be doing anything on FB or elsewhere that he doesn't want you to know about

Agerbilatemycardigan Sun 20-Nov-16 19:59:44

The problem isn't that you were looking at his FB, it's what you found there. He's messaging this woman every day. He may not be physically unfaithful, but his infidelity is emotional.

I'm with the the majority here - you need to talk to him about it.

VladmirsPoutine Sun 20-Nov-16 20:30:11

In the end what bothered me most about my ex relationship was the emotional betrayal, not the physical part of cheating as such. It was the lies and mistrust that broke us in the end.

Talk to him.

mumtobe0317 Mon 21-Nov-16 00:07:32

Thank you all for your advice, I talked it through with him and I feel so relieved!! It turns out the girl runs a spa, hence the 'massage' which is still dodgy but better than just randomly offering a married man a massage. He totally saw how it could look from my point of view and while we both agreed I shouldn't be stalking him on FB the fact that he hasn't changed his passwords in years is because he has nothing to hide from me- which is also a fair point too. I am so glad I talked to him, thank you all for saving me from a major melt down.

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