Need advice

[Rochdaleman122]

Hi everyone , sorry to bother u but I would like people's views on a dilemma I'm currently havin .im a new single dad of a 13 month old baby girl . My issue is , if I was to go thru the csa I would have to pay maintenance of about 65 pounds per week . My ex works full time. So our child needs to go to nursery . This costs 200 pound per week . So because of the way I am I have agreed to give the ex 135 . We have spoke about this and altho it is slot of money for me to afford , the bottom line is , my daughter needs to go to nursery ( even tho I know csa don't take it into account ) . My problem is ,every week I am givin my ex 135 into her account and she not usin it to pay nursery fees . Instead spending it on other things , n not givin nursery a second thought until they send letters , basically sayin my daughter place is under threat due to lack of payment . My daughter loves nursery so I have already found myself footing the bill even tho I have already paid my share to her mum to do this . I'm at my wits end and need other people's advice . I don't want my daughter to lose her place but I can't keep bail in her out . Her mum earns a lot more than me as it is but it's my daughter so I am willing to pay half to the nursery and give another 35 on top . Plz help

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

Can you pay the nursery fees directly? It sounds like it might get complicated though because then she could probably claim you aren't paying maintenance. I don't know much about it but I'd say you probably need to speak to a solicitor.

[tatty1010]

Couldn't you just pay the money directly to the nursery?

[baconandeggies]

pay half the weekly nursery bill of £100 (direct to the nursery) + the £65 for your child you'd have to pay under csa.

[Scooby20]

As pp say, pay the nursery your fees directly. The rest goes to your ex.

[Rochdaleman122]

I have tried to speak to her about that . One min she says it's ok etc etc. The next she changes her mind . The way my ex is with money if I paid the full 135 to nursery each week she would still end up in arrears .. But it's a path I'm gonna have to go down i think . Even tonight I have had insulting text sayin , I'm this n that n all sorts of expletives cos I mentioned it . She earns a decent wage n there is no reason why she can't pay it all up front when I give it her but she is constantly robbing peter to pay Paul if u get me where money's concerned . I just feel helpless . I don't want to get solicitors involved cos then gets messy and I want the best for my daughter ...

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

The concern is that if the ex doesn't pay her half the child will still lose the place and if he pays full fees but nothing to her she can claim he has not paid his maintenance and demand more money. Hence why I think it might be worth seeking legal advice to get an agreement drawn up.

[Rochdaleman122]

I can't afford 165 .. I can barely manage 135 . Is that what u mean

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

Yes what I mean is of you pay the fees directly she may try to say that you are not paying what you owe for your child (and that paying fees is seperate). If you can't afford to pay any more then I think you need a signed document agreeing that you pay the nursery fees instead of paying the maintenance directly, otherwise she may try to fleece you for both.

[Maverickismywingman]

What does she do with DC if she is not in nursery?

[Rochdaleman122]

Sorry I'm new tho this . What is dc ? If u mean our daughter , she is in nursery everyday . Full time .? Is that what you meant ?

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

Yes DC refers to your daughter, I think what PP is getting at is if your daughter loses her place and your ex works full time what will happen if the nursery refuse her place due to non payment?

[Rochdaleman122]

Exactly ..!!! I am hopin that she sees sense n keeps on top of it . Other wise she wud either have to stop goin to work or change nursery , but I don't want my daughter havin to do that cos she loves it there , n they idolise her there but they have to stick to rules .,. on ftiday cos she was skint image text askin for her money for the comin week up front . But I point blank refused cos I knew the nursery wudnt be gettin paid this week either n would then end up in arrears again ... It's a night mare . My ex has a very good well paid job but she's a spender . All I can do is hope she never lets it get to a point where they do stop daughter attending 😒

[Rochdaleman122]

Image ??? lol that meant my ex text askin me

[Maverickismywingman]

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you meant that your daughter wasn't attending nursery as it wasn't getting paid for. I understand now.

Messy as it may seem, really think you're needing to, at the very least, get legal advice. it's already messy and it sounds like you're trying your best.

[Maverickismywingman]

What about talking to your ex face to face regarding nursery payments. Surely she realises that's a "must" payment and not optional?

[Rochdaleman122]

We fi talk about it . One min she tells me to pay nursery direct .. N then like this week she asks me for the money cos she skint ( on the understanding she will pay nursery at a later date ) but this month she had already let it run to nrly 800 in arrears . So basically playin catch up n I had to pay the full 200 this week cos I was scared my baby wudnt be allowed to go . I think what I'm gonna do is just ride it until it again becomes so far in debt that it is becoming a problem for me .. Then I will have no option but to get legal advice . I could just give the money to ex . N if my baby isn't allowed to attend nursery cos of nonpayment , I could just say " so what " it's ur prob now ... !! But I don't want to do that . I just want what is right for my baby . To be allowed to go nursery n spend some time with me .. I have even spoke to nursery n told them not to let it go too far in arrears but last month they did . Will just see what the next month or so bring .. I'm not worried About her sayin I have t laid her maintenance ( if I do pay it direct to nursery ) as I have a number of text sayin just pay nursery direct, altho some are sarcastic etc

[mrsnoon]

Isn't she getting tax credits towards the bulk of the nursery costs? If I recall rightly I think it's up to 70% depending on her income?

[followTheyellowbrickRoad]

I would just give your ex the agreed amount. By losing the nursery place will be the only way she will learn. At the moment she has you over a barrel as she knows you will pay. Unless the other nursery options are horrible I'm sure your daughter would settle if it came to it

[FannyWisdom]

Try not to make any 'unofficial' payment arrangements.

No cash, bank transfer or pay nursery and transfer the rest.
You both need a clear record.

[Rochdaleman122]

She earns a very good wage . In excess of 40 k now . N I am totally oblivious as to what tax credits age will get . How comin find out ?

[ninkynonk14]

Can you both get childcare vouchers through work? Makes a small difference to nursery costs as tax-free.
(Doesn't help much with general situation though, sorry.)