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AIBU?

To be a bit upset that my parents didn't make a fuss of my 40th?

30 replies

Mebee · 20/11/2016 16:52

Just that really, I've always been really big into birthdays and love a fuss being made to celebrate. I'm the same with others, love to make their day special.

However I turned 40 a couple of months ago and all I got was a card with some cash through the door the day before my birthday at 6am on the Sunday. They didn't even knock on the door.

Both my mum and dad text me on the day to wish me happy birthday but no presents or offer to take me out. (When it was dhs birthday they came round with wrapped gifts etc)

I was a little upset so asked if they'd like to take me out for a meal, they said yes but then never mentioned it again.

What's made it worse is that I saw on FB that they had taken out a girl for a posh meal this week as she's just turned 30. Balloons and presents - the lot! They've only known her 3 years so I found it quite upsetting.

Aibu?

OP posts:

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frogsgoladidadidah · 20/11/2016 17:00

No, it doesn't sound like you are. I would be rather gutted too.

Happy belated birthday!

Scooby20 · 20/11/2016 17:05

I would be asking them why dhs and this girls birthday was a bigger deal for them.

Personally I am not bothered about a big fuss. I don't hate it but not a huge fan My parents came to our for breakfast on my 30th.

They make a bugger fuss for my brother. Because if they don't, he kicks off (he is almost 40) that doesn't bother me either.

If they know you like a fuss and make one of other people, it's odd they haven't done it for you.

It's been a while since your birthday and it seems you can't let it go. So speak to them.

Scooby20 · 20/11/2016 17:06

Whoops bigger fuss

Not bugger fuss

LaundryQueenHatesIroning · 20/11/2016 17:10

Could they have forgotten it was your 40th and thought you were only turning 39? Meaning less of a fuss was expected/required?

My sister did this when I turned 30, she thought it was only my 29th.

Candlelight123 · 20/11/2016 17:12

Who did they take out for the 30th? Seems odd they would do it for 'someone else' but not you?

Mebee · 20/11/2016 17:16

The girl is someone they met through my dads work and now my mum goes out in the town with her drinking.
It's true that it still bothers me even though it was 2 months ago but the reason it's come up again is because it was only yesterday I saw the photos of the 30th birthday.

OP posts:

ihatethecold · 20/11/2016 17:19

Are you close to your parents?

Mebee · 20/11/2016 17:29

Not overly close, we see them probably once a month for dinner and get texts every week but that's about it really.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 20/11/2016 17:32

Could there be a financial issue maybe?

I think asking them if they want to take uou out is a little eeky , would have been better if they asked uou clearly,

I get uour upset though, cash and a card through the door is very impersonal, which would lead me to believe that maybe it's a financial thing?

beccabanana · 20/11/2016 17:41

Do you usually get excited / make a fuss of birthdays? A lot of people I know want to just skim over the fact they've reached a milestone birthday and don't want a fuss. Do you think they've got that impression at all?
I on the other hand, have always been into birthdays and done something or made sure my DH arranges a meal with family at the least. I really feel for you - I'd be gutted so in my opinion YANBU xx

beccabanana · 20/11/2016 17:44

Sorry, just re-read that you do usually make a fuss about it. Maybe they assumed you'd planned something or assumed your DH would be arranging something?

Mebee · 20/11/2016 17:50

I know it was a bit eeky me asking them if they wanted to take me out but I left it until the evening of my birthday hoping they would suggest a meal. I was hoping to kind of prompt them.

No financial issue, they are ok for money.

OP posts:

rollonthesummer · 20/11/2016 17:55

Did you actually ask, 'do you want to take me out for a meal?'? I can't imagine asking anyone that-even my parents!

Saying - shall we go out for my 40th is different though.

HSMMaCM · 20/11/2016 18:00

Maybe they're gutted that you didn't invite them to your huge party which you didn't have

Mebee · 20/11/2016 18:02

Rollon I asked like 'would you like us to go out to celebrate my 40th?' This was on the evening of my birthday.

I got a 'yes of course'

Then nothing.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 20/11/2016 18:27

Oh I'm sorry
I would be upset too.

I hope you had a good day anyway.

Wolfiefan · 20/11/2016 18:31

Some people just don't make a big fuss of birthdays. Maybe this person arranged a 30th and invited them. It sounds a bit spoilt for a grown adult to be insisting on being the centre of attention and having a massive fuss made of their birthday. Want a celebration? Organise one!

DontTouchTheMoustache · 20/11/2016 18:31

Total sympathy, it was my 30th last week and I got a card from my mum and nothing from my dad or siblings. I don't expect loads of gifts but I mean a card? Maybe organise to go for lunch or something? I had a postpartum haemorrhage earlier this year that nearly killed me and lost my partner and job since then so you'd think they'd at least acknowledge a big birthday and try to cheer me up a bit. Sorry to bang on about it on your thread op but I needed a vent, I was really quite hurt

EweAreHere · 20/11/2016 18:35

It sounds, tbh, like there is something else going on between you and your parents if they were happy to celebrate with a somewhat random 30 year old woman, and made a fuss over your DH, but not you.

How is your relationship generally these days?

Mebee · 20/11/2016 18:59

Donttouch god poor you! Really hope you are ok

Ewe relationship is ok, my mum drinks quite a lot and has done for a few years now so we've had a few issues when she's been drunk and sent nasty texts when she's emotional/drunk but nothing that hasn't been sorted out quickly after.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2016 19:08

I asked like 'would you like us to go out to celebrate my 40th?' This was on the evening of my birthday. I got a 'yes of course' Then nothing.

That would have implied to me that you were arranging something so I would be waiting to hear from you.

abisothergran · 20/11/2016 19:11

I think op your generation make more of a fuss about 30 th and 40th birthdays than your parents generation perhaps?Once I left home and had a family neither my mother (my father died when I was a child)or my husbands parents ever gave us birthday presents-we did not expect them to as they gave to our children.We give to our own adult children and grandchildren but from time to time feel adult children's expectations can be ott.

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Mebee · 20/11/2016 19:12

ISWYM nanny but that's not been the way we've done it previously as a family.

I just wrongly assumed they'd want to celebrate their only daughters 40th birthday.

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Mebee · 20/11/2016 19:13

I'd be inclined to agree ibis but it's when I saw the photos of the 30th birthday and a note from this girl thanking them for the meal and presents - that's what made it worse.

OP posts:

finlayargyle · 20/11/2016 20:10

I would be upset. Regardless of how close you are or amount of contact, you are still their daughter. I think I'd feel the same way.

Happy belated birthday. I hope you had a nice birthday anyway.

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