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To hate the way DH's relatives' say goodbye

(56 Posts)
QuestaVecchiaCasa Sun 20-Nov-16 16:29:12

I probably am BU but I would be grateful if you could give me some tips on how to manage this better.

When we meet for family gatherings there are usually around 15 of us from 3-4 "nuclear" families. In my book, the family leaving should discretely pack their bags into the car and then 15 people spend 5 minutes in the hallway doing the quick peck on the cheek before the departing family leave.

What happens with DH's family is that as soon as we make initial moves to start our journey home one of them will rush over an start talking to him about something totally irrelevant. The process of packing the car then gets dragged out over about half an hour. They will start the pecking on the cheek business outside on the drive and as there are lots of us it can take ages. Whilst waiting for the people that haven't yet had a kiss, one or two will go to their coats or find a present that they had intended to give us dragging it out any longer, ad infinitum. once it took 3 hours and I am not joking

I can just about cope with this in summer but today, it was bloody cold so I thought I would try a different technique as we were the hosts.

When the departing family had kissed everyone in the hall, I said goodbye and then shut the front door leaving them to faff around packing the car on the drive. It felt a bit rude but the alternative was the possibility of having the front door open for a further hour whilst they messed about.

How do normal families manage this?

AddToBasket Sun 20-Nov-16 16:31:01

OMG, YANBU!! I have this with my iLs and DH is the worst. It drives me utterly bonkers.

QuestaVecchiaCasa Sun 20-Nov-16 16:53:42

Its a pain isn't it Add? Shame no one has any tips on how to make the process more streamline. It really does make family visits stressful as I start dreading the leaving before we've even arrived.

Someone needs to write a MN etiquette guide to family visits especially with the prospect of Christmas and New Year looming.

Cherrysoup Sun 20-Nov-16 16:57:17

Yanbu. I'd do the same, plus it's less annoying to neighbours. My parents once got pissed off when I waved goodbye and closed the door after they'd visited me-at uni in my house share. They invited themselves to stay in the house, so awkward! I was roundly bollocked, particularly as their car then failed to start.

BratFarrarsPony Sun 20-Nov-16 16:58:22

whatever - maybe you are lucky to have families that give a fuck and want to see you, kiss you, wave goodbye , etc.
Meh.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 20-Nov-16 17:07:49

Haha I suspect you may be one of my ILs as my family are terrible for this. The utter faffing that ensues, and "ooh I forgot to tell you about Susan's son's ex partners dog' goldfish" nonsense. And then on a long journey back everyone has to stop 50 billion times at every fecking services.

There's a reason we now take our own car places!

teacher54321 Sun 20-Nov-16 17:08:08

Oh my god, at the Christmas meal for DH's side of the the family last year it took AN HOUR to leave the restaurant because of present giving/saying goodbye/faffing about shenanigans. Ds was 3 1/2 and had been cooped up in a totally non childfriendly restaurant for four hours already and was just beside himself with all the too-Ing and fro-ing. They also can't ever arrive on time for anything either so it's all quite hard going...

ChuckGravestones Sun 20-Nov-16 17:09:13

whatever - maybe you are lucky to have families that give a fuck and want to see you, kiss you, wave goodbye , etc

There's always one.

OP, I'd offer to help them down with their luggage and suggest getting it in the car as you want to take the bedding off/tidy the room/do something in there before lunch. Then it is all there. Any extra bags, pick them up and hand them to them at the door. Imagine they are sheep and BE the sheepdog.

TheBouquets Sun 20-Nov-16 17:10:33

Same view as BratFarrarsPony

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 20-Nov-16 17:11:58

Ugh I hate the concept that because people care about you you can never be irritated by them hmm

BratFarrarsPony Sun 20-Nov-16 17:14:21

" There's always one. "

no there is usually more than one.
Sorry but this person has TWO sets of relatives that want to see them and give a fuck about them.
Yet she is complaining about the way they say goodbye.
OK.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 20-Nov-16 17:16:18

Clearly the fundamental problem here OP is - you should have put 'lighthearted' in your title wink

What happened to MN? No one can have a little moan any more about others without being cast as the devil incarnate

ByeByeLilSebastian Sun 20-Nov-16 17:16:19

I'm the sort that likes to faff about saying goodbye and dragging it out blush it's only with people I truly love though, anyone else I'm straight out the door!

MargaretCavendish Sun 20-Nov-16 17:16:29

Ooh, my family does this (and I think I might do it a bit in general blush). I can see why it's annoying, but I think it might be quite a hard habit to break - if someone asked my family to stop doing it we would try but in all honesty a) I bet we'd fail! and b) we would think it was a bit funny/think you were a bit precious. I think you could try a go inside! It's freezing out here! in a firm but light tone, though.

NonFatTofuttiRiceDreamsicle Sun 20-Nov-16 17:16:41

So, are you never allowed to be irritated by people who care about you then?

My family do their own version of this op, you're not alone grin

JeepersMcoy Sun 20-Nov-16 17:18:00

My in-laws do this. drives me mad as I am a quick goodbye and straight out the door sort of person. They seem to take the words 'i think we had better be off now' as a nonspecific indication that we might want to leave at some point in the next 2 ideas.

And Yes, I know i am lucky to have inlaws who care and want to see us, but that doesn't mean they can't be mildly annoying sometimes. People who come on these threads to tell me how lucky I am are the kind of people that tell someone with a broken leg they shouldnt complain because at least they have a leg. hmm

JeepersMcoy Sun 20-Nov-16 17:18:36

Ideas??? I meant hours clearly...

liletsthepink Sun 20-Nov-16 17:22:38

I just say 'it's cold so I'm closing the door now. Have a good journey back' or 'lovely seeing you. Bye'. I can't be bothered with long goodbyes from family!

Pallisers Sun 20-Nov-16 17:24:00

*" There's always one. "

no there is usually more than one.
Sorry but this person has TWO sets of relatives that want to see them and give a fuck about them.
Yet she is complaining about the way they say goodbye.
OK.*

OP, did you not submit your post first to Bratfarrarspony so she could rule on whether it was worthy of posting or not? Next time don't make that mistake.

thenightsky Sun 20-Nov-16 17:27:38

My neighbours have form for long and loud goodbyes... at 1am outside!

YeOldMa Sun 20-Nov-16 17:31:12

As I am that sort of relative, I suspect judging by OH's huffs of impatience, I am with BratFarrarsPony. Mind you, when DM does it to me, I do get a bit impatient but she can keep it going longer than any one I know!

Jinglebellsandv0dka Sun 20-Nov-16 17:35:05

That's just really made me laugh! I'd absolutly just shut the door and leave then to it.

My granny also does when I'm trying to end the phone call. It make me want to strangle myself!!

Slackalice42 Sun 20-Nov-16 17:38:06

Random, sort of thread related question. My DH is king of the faffers (I was once breast feeding and asked for a juice it took him 90 minutes and he had not done anything useful in that time like unload the dishwasher or sort the washing grrrrr). Anyway he doesn't like me saying the word faff as he says it relates to 'female genitalia'!!! Does it????

princesspineapple Sun 20-Nov-16 17:41:54

Both my side and DP's family are dreadful for this! Always at least 10 adults, plus babies and dogs (who obviously need their own goodbye) and everyone has to go around giving hugs and putting dates in the diary for next time and "ooh did I tell you about..?".
yes, we love them and are grateful to have family but it's so tiring!
Thankfully (in this instance!) DD (7 months) has a military-precision routine which if we don't stick to, we don't sleep, so we can use this as an excuse and hurry off without hours of faffing!

ByeByeLilSebastian Sun 20-Nov-16 17:42:23

No!! Where on earth did he get that from?!
I've heard people say foof, does he mean that?

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