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To wonder why so many people are nasty and thoughtless

(131 Posts)
FlowerOfTheValley Sun 20-Nov-16 15:02:03

Some of the threads on here today where an OP posting for support in a distressing situation is getting abuse reflecting treatment they received in real life.

We are supposed to be a civilised society. I just don't get it. Why? What does kicking someone when they are down achieve. Where is the compassion.

I don't go on a thread to slag someone off in a sensitive situation. If I can't be of support then I won't post.

I might think somebody is wrong or horrid, both on MN and in real life, but what does it achieve to give them a further kicking.

There are lots of people for whom a few kind words or care would make their day yet there are so many people who would rather be nasty instead.

Is being supportive of somebody upset or vulnerable really so hard?

usual Sun 20-Nov-16 15:04:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sneakynamechage Sun 20-Nov-16 15:04:41

In an ideal world everybody being lovely, would be nice.
But when you post on a public forum like this, people are entitled too an opinion, that one person could see as being mean where as another could see it as a fitting opinion.

Kai1977 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:09:16

I think the issue is that some people seem to confuse being honest with having permission to be rude. There are quite a few instances where people seem to post in a tone and manner they would never use in IRL to someone's face and then cover it up by saying they are just being honest and giving their opinion when it was asked for.

WLF46 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:10:52

I think the thing is, the AIBU section is designed for people to pose a question or problem and find out whether their reaction or thinking is generally seen as right or wrong.

Whatever the situation, there will be a mixture of positive and negative comments. This isn't a support group where everyone has to say nice things all the time if they don't believe them.

Remember too that people can only offer advice based on the evidence they are given. As a result people need to make assumptions, which will never be 100% correct.

I think too often people come on here, pose a dilemma and then want everyone to agree with them. But that's not what this forum is for. It's for advice and support, yes, but it is not helpful to constantly tell someone they are doing the right thing when perhaps they are not.

If you had a friend ask for advice, would you always tell her she was right even when, based on the evidence she gave you, she clearly wasn't? No, of course not. (I hope.)

If someone personally abuses another poster, that is different, but I think that sometimes criticism is necessary, and sometimes necessarily harsh.

FlowerOfTheValley Sun 20-Nov-16 15:11:02

I'd rather not turn it into a TAAT usual

hollyatchristmas Sun 20-Nov-16 15:11:41

Criticisms fine, but I do think people need to make sure that whatever they are criticising is actually the case.

ilovesooty Sun 20-Nov-16 15:11:56

Have you challenged / reported comments you found unacceptable OP?

Thisjustinno Sun 20-Nov-16 15:14:05

It's the nature of the site for some people. Quick one line 'urgh you/he/they sound like cunts'. Job done.

specialsubject Sun 20-Nov-16 15:14:14

If this regards the person with screaming flat neighbours - probably because.many in our comfortable country are nasty and thoughtless. No comeback, no consequences, don't care. Hence waste, driving while texting, getting shrieking drunk and cluttering a and e, and so on.

FlowerOfTheValley Sun 20-Nov-16 15:14:20

I'm not saying people should agree with an OP, far from it. No problem with criticism neither but it's the unnecessary nastiness I have an issue with.

There is a difference between constructive criticism and being deliberately vile.

usual Sun 20-Nov-16 15:14:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crashdoll Sun 20-Nov-16 15:15:35

If you're talking about the bus thread, HQ deleted and told people to stop troll hunting. Other people called those people out too. It hasn't gone unchallenged.

FlowerOfTheValley Sun 20-Nov-16 15:18:18

I have challenged sooty yes. I'm not just talking about on MN though.

It just seems to be becoming more normal for people to be nasty and I find the lack of compassion for people rather sad.

ilovesooty Sun 20-Nov-16 15:19:51

I agree usual

I get pretty tired of these regular threads of unspecified whinging. Just say what you have to say on the thread and / or report.

ilovesooty Sun 20-Nov-16 15:20:30

Sorry - cross post.

WLF46 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:25:52

Unfortunately well-meaning people will type things in a hurry that don't come out quite how they meant it to. When you (I) read something back, it doesn't always convey the message intended. For example, if I typed:

"I really appreciate your feedback, it was very helpful and I will be sure to act on it."

Someone will read that as me being genuinely grateful. Someone else will think I'm being incredibly sarcastic. Someone will read it as me being polite, someone else rude. Someone will think I am motivated by their wise words, someone will think I've given up on life.

When you factor in that x misunderstands y's post, and then y misconstrues x's meaning when they reply, you can see how easily well-meant comments can sound nasty.

Personally abuse should not be tolerated, but that is what the "Report" button is for.

ToastDemon Sun 20-Nov-16 15:27:05

I try and challenge the deliberate nastiness. One of my posts actually got deleted, apparently saying that another poster is nasty is personal abuse and breaking talk guidelines but the previous pile on was totally fine.
And this was in Relationships not AIBU.
It takes a special kind of arsehole to entertain themselves by sticking the boot into posters in a part of the board that attracts sensitive topics.

FannyWisdom Sun 20-Nov-16 15:28:04

I think people are so busy scoring an Internet point that they forget where they are.

Mnet is the place some of us come for a mix of views, the pathetic attempts on some threads make me suspicious they aren't these chatbots designed to be contentious.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Sun 20-Nov-16 15:29:38

1. This IS a TAAT

2. It has always been like this (even though people tend to deny it)

3. Some people in RL are twats - that goes for the people giving and receiving the kicking

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Sun 20-Nov-16 15:30:44

and like it or not, people posting on an anonymous forum are no more entitled to politeness if they are being a dick than anyone else

Ldnmum2015 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:34:39

I agree, while you may not agree with some posters there is no need to be rude to throw nasty comments about, calling people unhinged, sl*ts etc how is that adding to a view point. Some people are just venomous especially when writing behind a screen.

Heartbroken47 Sun 20-Nov-16 15:35:47

I agree - was seriously distressed last weekend after posting on here. Yes, my choice to post, and I didn't have to read the replies but...Some people are so blunt and harsh and it really isn't necessary.

NavyandWhite Sun 20-Nov-16 15:41:01

Aibu is brutal. I never understand why people would post in there looking for support.

But otherwise I guess it is subjective isn't it? What's an awful comment to you might be straight talking in someone else's books.

PortiaCastis Sun 20-Nov-16 15:44:09

I agree being rude and nasty is unnecessary and shows ignorance. There are some who sneer and look down on others but I say
You are not qualified to crticise me unless you are perfect yourself and nobody is perfect

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