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To really miss the old me

(22 Posts)
MadJeffBarn Sat 19-Nov-16 23:39:22

10 years ago I was the life of the party, up for anything, popular, pretty. Now, I'm 25 but feel 75. Two kids, full time work and settling down with DH at 17 has made me so unfun. Was at a party tonight, home by 9.30, couldn't wait to get my jammies on and a nature documentary on Netflix.

I know I know, you have to grow up, especially when you have kids, but gosh I miss getting pissed in a field, dating, not having to get up until midday on a Sunday, and actually having friends.

Flatbox Sat 19-Nov-16 23:48:00

Mad when you're in the child rearing years it feels like a life sentence but it's really a very short time when you might live to 80+. That was then but this is now and at only 25 you have probably another 50-60 years ahead of you. Enjoy where you are now, this phase of your life will be gone in a flash like the early years were. You've a long time to live and you will be many different people over the coming years.

wobblywonderwoman Sat 19-Nov-16 23:51:06

I am 38 with two toddlers and we haven't had a night out for over three months. I am getting out of the fog. Miss proper laughs and night out but am glad to have had my twenties to travel and party.

The only thing is, in ten years time you will still be young. You will get your life back. Whereas I will be nearer 50

DonaldStott Sat 19-Nov-16 23:51:50

Ahh haha. Me and dh have just been dicussing this. We are having a couple of glasses of red wine (wouldn't want to be hungover in the morning) and are about to watch Planet Earth.

Rewind to before. We used to party from Thursday to sunday. Went gigs every week. Had a shitload of disposable income. Spent Sundays reading papers and shagging.

Buuut I wouldn't change my life now for all the money in the world, but just sometimes,........

bronteales Sat 19-Nov-16 23:54:32

Oh I could of written this post

I'm 27 but having my daughter has aged me! Sometimes going out takes so much organisation and planning with a LO I just cba with the faff!

I miss the old me too I liked her actually

Wolfiefan Sat 19-Nov-16 23:54:56

I'm in my 40's now. I am not doing some of the more embarrassing or uncomfortable things I may have done in my youth! blush
BUT I have time for me.
What would make YOU happy? Do something just for you every day. Dance in the kitchen or put on perfume or exercise or laugh like a drain at something.
Trust me if you were dating and getting drunk in fields I bet you'd be a bit sad and wishing you were settled with kids! grin

Flatbox Sat 19-Nov-16 23:56:03

Wobbly don't worry there is still life after 50!

Flatbox Sat 19-Nov-16 23:58:34

Well we've both retired and can now spend all days doing whatever we ŵant, it's bloody brilliant.

Hamiltoes Sat 19-Nov-16 23:58:38

Can I join you? Rare child free night yesterday and I put some cosy jammies on and hopped into bed at 8.30 with a cup of tea.. I'm 24. Working full time and two DDs on my own has floored me. Today was spent cleaning and tomorrow Asda and folding washings.

I've been living on the thought of xmas night out for the past three weekends now... It's not til the 16th of December blush

Inthenick Sun 20-Nov-16 00:01:54

Just make plans for your 40s when the kids are grown up! 20-30 was a magical, wild, child free, amazing experience for me with travel and money and incredible experiences. You didn't get that but can do it after kids so make some plans!

wobblywonderwoman Sun 20-Nov-16 00:05:47

I hope so... I have a lot do do on my bucketlist

India, Africa ... Open up a bookshop... Sigh...

MadJeffBarn Sun 20-Nov-16 00:08:23

I think my issue is more, I just don't have any friends. I went from a popular lass, to having kids and suddenly not having any. I'm the only one from my friend group to have kids, while they're buying houses and travelling. I think partly they got bored of inviting me out and me not being able to arrange childcare/working/just bring too tired and trying to arrange coffee rather than pubs, and they also just don't like kids. Some of them have fertility issues and seem to have taken it out on me, others just not interested. They say they're busy, yet they make time to see each other (it's always lovely to see it plastered over facebook). So I tried making mummy friends who turned out to be bitchy, I tried joining a gym and exercise classes but found it hard to make friends. I even started a degree! But nope. Nothing.

Inthenick Sun 20-Nov-16 00:11:21

It is difficult OP. But you need to make new friends that fit with your life as it is now if you are no longer compatible with your old ones either because they're being dicks/uninterested about you having children or because you can't summon the energy or money to get stuck in with them anymore, or both.

Inthenick Sun 20-Nov-16 00:11:56

Just keep reaching out to people. Some will click.

KnitFastDieWarm Sun 20-Nov-16 00:19:06

Oh OP that is crap - you sound lovely! I also miss 'old me' but I've been very lucky in keeping hold of my friends from pre-children and making damn sure I go out and drink more than is advisable from time to time. I enjoy myself, but it also makes me appreciate what I DO have now IYSWIM - I wouldn't want to be our every night getting wasted/trying to meet a decent partner/etc etc.

Do you live in a city? Have you tried I've found it quite good for meeting other people in the same boat i.e. people who want to go out and make friends. I also have a great bunch of local mums I met on Instagram who are very unlike your average baby group clique and really good fun - we're organising our own Christmas night out in a few weeks.

I'd take you out on the razz! You sound good fun smile

IAmNotAWitch Sun 20-Nov-16 05:49:15

The kids get older and the real you comes back and mixes in with the Mum you.

As to dancing til 2am last night with my husband. I took my heels off to walk home, just like the old days. Main difference is that I was drinking good champagne rather than cheap rum.

Best part my older DS brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning. Best of all worlds.

Tobebythesea Sun 20-Nov-16 06:42:00

I know exactly what you mean. 7 years ago I was living in central London, fab job, dating, going to art galleries, parties, bars etc every night.

Now? Living in the suburbs, boring job, married, baby, read or watch TV every night as DH works long hours and no family nearby. I don't recognise my life.

MissMargie Sun 20-Nov-16 07:01:00

Your school friends are built up over seeing them daily for years.

It's very hard to replicate that.

My best fun time was 17-21, no mortgage, no responsibilities, all my money for me.

Mouthfulofquiz Sun 20-Nov-16 07:12:03

I think this is why I'm glad that I partied my way through my twenties and had my first baby at 30 when I was getting fed up with going out. I do miss the money though. We had so much - full time jobs, small house so tiny mortgage... now we have three small kids and are struggling a bit financially as we have no free cash ever.

MadJeffBarn Sun 20-Nov-16 08:19:22

I never expected it, but I'm so glad it's not just me. I seem to get called selfish for this way of thinking! Because I know settling down and having kids is a joy but gosh I miss cheap rum 😂

Birdsgottafly Sun 20-Nov-16 08:29:21

I can remember feeling the same as you are.

I was Widowed in my 30's (Cancer), so for those who "miss dating", be careful what you wish for.

Once over the initial grief. I had a good time in my late 30's, had another relationship and am going to start dating again, now in my late 40's.

I'd rather have stayed married and be enjoying this time together and our GC.

I don't think it matters at what age you have your children, a lot of people feel bogged down from time to time.

Note3 Sun 20-Nov-16 08:32:46

Mouthful - I feel same as you; glad I partied hard in my 20s so I got it out my system for a bit.

OP - trust me there are many people who feel like you. I lost lots of friends too. I thought when my eldest DD started school I would make friends with some of the school mums...well that's not happened! I found baby group the same in that ppl were either cliquey or friendly at group but then got on with their lives elsewhere and not interested in becoming friends.

As your LO gets older I'm pretty sure things will click a but more for you. It's hard to explain but your outlook changes at different stages and it's like you give off vibes to people. I'm back in baby stage and a bit stressed and worn at the mo but before this baby I had finally felt mentally able to straighten my hair regularly, put make up on, make nights out. I've gone back now but in a year or two I'll be on track again.

Facebook is crap for making a lonely person feel lonelier. What i would say is try to comment on some of the pics of your friends and 'join in' so you maintain a link then when you feel able to drag yourself out you may reconnect with them

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