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Should the hospital have done this?

(62 Posts)
buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 22:59:35

This happened earlier this year, but what followed was very traumatic (and in my other threads) so I think it didn't occur how significant it was.
In brief, I was at the hospital with new boyfriend with suspected kidney infection. There had been some red flags re controlling behaviour and I was considering finishing the relationship. (These got much much worse later).

While at the hospital in a & e, he could not handle the wait times, was pacing and getting angry, and trying to hassle the reception desk to push me up the list.
The a& e were very very busy and clearly really ill people around, and I pleaded with him to stop and to just wait sit and wait our turn, I was crying really upset but he wouldn't stop. He kept disappearing and tried to get in the back way twice through where the ambulances were and into to the main area where you are seen with the cubicles. (You can only get in there when you are called)
Eventually he achieved this, had 'made friends' with a young male nurse and he said watch we will be seen soon. We were called soon, but I didn't know if we would have been anyway at that point. I should add that I was really angry about this, as it is completely against my morals, I was really shocked about his behaviour, I was also very weak physically.
So I go in, have tests done, blood pressure, urine tests, bloods etc then back out to wait again.
Later on he disappears again, and he is comes out of that area again (where cubicles are) and he calls me in. The male nurse from before is there and they both have my results on the computer screen, my ex is holding my notes.

The nurse then tells while my ex is there that I am pregnant and that I also have kidney infection, and am dehydrated.

1. Shouldn't they have asked me whether I was ok for him to be there for medical results? I would have said I wasn't ok with it and it may well have changed the course of what happened after, which was weekly escalating abuse while I was pregnant and terrifying.
2. A female doctor I saw later did ask whether I wanted him in the room (while having gynae exam) and I said no, he really kicked off about this but I had only been seeing him 6 weeks ffs he said he had a right because I was now pregnant
3. I have always had a nagging feeling that he knew I was pregnant before I did by the way he reacted.
What would you do? I would hate another woman to go through that. The male nurse must have thought he was doing a ' favour' or he was my ex was very charming and always got what he wanted, but if only he knew what the consequences were.
There was another incident later the same night with another nurse that involved them taking blood from me and leaving the band on too long while they did it, resulting in me passing out and blood everywhere so overall, a very stretched hospital clearly...

pipsqueak25 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:12:48

a patients wishes and privacy should always be respected. it sounds like the nurse was possibly under pressure and just wanted to get you processed, dealt with and out. 'd'p was adding to the pressure, but this was unprofessional imo, i would have complained. get rid of this bloke sooner rather than later

buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 23:18:25

Things got very bad afterwards and he is well gone, not without police involvement though.
I don't know if it's too late to complain now, it was in January. I knew it was bad then but I was dealing with everything else sad

pipsqueak25 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:21:25

good for you getting rid of him and hope you are okay now and keeping well, as it was in january it's probably best to put it behind you and put it down to experience, abet, not a very good one.

viques Sat 19-Nov-16 23:25:53

He sounds like a loser, hope you find someone better and take better care of yourself. The nurse was wrong, but probably too late to do anything about it now.

What happened to the baby.

buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 23:26:41

The baby isn't here, that's not why I'm posting

treaclesoda Sat 19-Nov-16 23:31:12

My first thought was actually that maybe your ex threatened or intimidated him in some way. Do you think that's possible?

It doesn't excuse him breaching your confidentiality of course, but I could imagine how someone might feel intimidated into doing something against their better judgement.

viques Sat 19-Nov-16 23:31:16

Ok. Only asking since you mentioned it.

pipsqueak25 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:31:28

if it's not indiscreet to ask where is the baby ? please don't say it's with him

OlennasWimple Sat 19-Nov-16 23:33:23

What do you think would be best for you? Would you be better able to move on if you make a complaint (bearing in mind that there may be follow up correspondence etc), or if you try to forget about it?

steff13 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:33:56

It sounds like they should have had him removed by security long before you got your test results.

m0therofdragons Sat 19-Nov-16 23:35:33

Talk to the PALs office in your hospital. We have just brought in a new system where in A&E the initial assessment is only the patient. At this stage staff ask about domestic violence etc. Your boyfriend should not have been able to see your medical notes - that is not okay!

GrabtharsHammer Sat 19-Nov-16 23:36:54

It doesn't sound very professional. I would speak to PALs and get some advice on how to proceed, and then decide if it's worth the headspace.

Telling you about the pregnancy in front of him is a definite no no though. Id be furious.

m0therofdragons Sat 19-Nov-16 23:40:17

Meant to say, you don't need to make an "official complaint" just raise the issues you had, focusing on the fact he was able to access the A&E dept and chat to staff about you and look at your medical notes without your permission before you'd even seen them. I know our staff would use an event like that as a learning opportunity which can't change what happened but reassure you others won't go through the same.

The nurse may have misread the situation and thought the pg would be welcome and you'd been together longer. I would hope the staff member wasn't deliberately vindictive just horribly naive.

Lucked Sat 19-Nov-16 23:41:46

Contact the hospital and ask for contact with the PALS team. You can talk through this with them and find out what options are available and what would be best for you.

buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 23:43:07

Thank you for the sensitive replies. Yes I think I do need to give some thought to whether I can cope with re-living it.
I wondered about pals, later when I saw a midwife at another hospital they picked up on it straight away and asked to see me alone , they then asked the questions re domestic violence.
They should have asked if I wanted to be seen alone at the start it, it is so very dangerous for women when they pregnant with this sort of man. It only gets worse.

For those that asked re the baby - I said the baby isn't here.

Northernlurker Sat 19-Nov-16 23:46:27

I think it is very hard for nursing staff to see in a few seconds the true dynamics of a relationship. You had this man with you, he was expressing strong concern for you. Th nurse should not have spoken in front of him without checking with you but I can see how he didn't think it was an issue, Your privacy should have been respected but it's not hard to see how he ensured it wasn't. The problem is of course your terrible ex not an under pressure nurse who made a mistake. Hope you are ok.

buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 23:47:45

I don't want anyone to get in trouble and I'm quite sure it wasn't vindictive and that he'd done a good job persuading the nurse to see us quickly and probably projecting as if we'd been together a long time.
I don't want it to happen again and nursing staff ought to know more about the implications of doing such a thing, it massively put me at risk.
That said, I do appreciate how stressed and stretched they are as a service.

WyfOfBathe Sat 19-Nov-16 23:49:16

I expect that the member of staff was just naive, but they should have had training on confidentiality.

When my DH phoned up to get some my test results from the GP (at my request; I'd lost my voice) they refused to give it to him to protect my confidentiality. Although it was annoying that I couldn't get my results, I respect why they refused.

You could raise a formal complaint with the hospital, or, if you prefer, just speak to PALS to provide feedback. I definitely think the hospital should know about this.

pipsqueak25 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:49:20

sorry, i for one, didn't get the reference regarding your baby. flowers

buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 23:50:17

To add also, that he managed to push me up the queue to be seen, and to get in an area he shouldn't have been, and to see my notes before I did.
I will talk to pals, not ness to 'complain' but so they know that it happened

buzzpopprince Sat 19-Nov-16 23:52:16

Treaclesoda - yes very possible, though more likely money if it were anything untoward. My ex had the nurses contact details when we left

DeadGood Sat 19-Nov-16 23:53:28

"I think it is very hard for nursing staff to see in a few seconds the true dynamics of a relationship."

They shouldn't have to. That is why guidelines exist. It's not for an overworked nurse to decide "ah, I think this seems like a happy couple, she won't mind if I break the good news while he's in the room".

So yes, the OP's partner was a huge problem, but the nurse acted unprofessionally. I feel that the comments on here are quite mild - does anyone know what the confidentiality guidelines are for this kind of thing?

OP, I would make a complaint, I am sure it is not too late.

Shakey15000 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:55:30

I think you're absolutely right to say something. It will raise awareness. Hope you're ok now flowers

pipsqueak25 Sat 19-Nov-16 23:56:32

had the nurses contact details ?? name ? address? email? this doesn't sound good.

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