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AIBU by letting DD sleep in my bed every night?

(99 Posts)
SofaBed05 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:57:54

DD is 4, she often prefers sleeping in my bed. It's just me and her so no issues with space, I know it's something she'll grow out of. I used to get in with my dad at 2 am until I woke up. Stopped at around 9.

My mum says I should follow the Supernanny technique... WWYD?

Champagneformyrealfriends Sat 19-Nov-16 17:59:32

Do what suits you both-there's no one size fits all. Ignore your mum.

NickMyLipple Sat 19-Nov-16 18:01:14

My friends 13 year old daughter still shares her bed, because she never had bedtime boundaries. Just a word of warning!

TheBouquets Sat 19-Nov-16 18:01:38

Follow the line of least resistance for a quiet life.
If it is not a problem to have your DD in with you it is maybe better than having to be up through the night with a crying child.

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 19-Nov-16 18:02:47

They're all different, do what works for you not what works for others

ittooshallpass Sat 19-Nov-16 18:02:51

As long as you are both getting a good night's sleep, who cares where your daughter sleeps?

My DD goes through phases. In my bed for a week and then in her own for a few months. She does it for comfort. I wouldn't dream of turning her away.

Artandco Sat 19-Nov-16 18:03:03

I think it's fine, my 5 year old often joins us. If Dh and I sleep in same bed, why should he have to sleep alone. Oh and if he doesn't join us he joins his brother

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 19-Nov-16 18:03:54

It's fine. Ignore your mum.

NavyandWhite Sat 19-Nov-16 18:03:55

I guess if it suits you that's fine, what would happen if you started seeing someone though? DD might be put out a bit then.

SofaBed05 Sat 19-Nov-16 18:04:41

Navy, I won't be seeing anyone.

Thanks everyone smile glad I won't be judged for it!

monkeyfacegrace Sat 19-Nov-16 18:06:09

I have a super king bed and 3 kids.

Eldest dd (10) and ds (8) sleep in their beds.

Dd (20 months) is always with us. Suggesting she sleeps in her bed is hysterically funny she thinks.

I kinda see her point. I'd hate sleeping alone too. It's lush snuggling up in a pile of arms and legs.

Me and DH have perfected sofa shagging prior to heading upstairs grin

ryderandthepups Sat 19-Nov-16 18:07:06

My DS is 3.5 and also comes into my bed every night. I'm on my own too. I figure he'll grow out of it when he's ready!

thenewaveragebear1983 Sat 19-Nov-16 18:07:29

A health visitor once said to me 'all mammal species sleep with their young in the nest'
We eventually got firm with ds1 because he was a windmill sleeper, all arms and legs. Ds2 currently snuggles in most nights. I think it's a habit that eventually breaks when lifestyle requires it- if it suits you both then do it, if one of you isn't getting good sleep as a result then the time has come to change it.
Our new house is freezing at night and ds2 is like a little hot water bottle so he's welcome for now!

MistressMerryWeather Sat 19-Nov-16 18:07:30

As everyone else says if you are both happy it's fine.

If it's the Supernanny technique I think you mean then it will just cause unnecessary distress for the both of you.

'We are fine with how things are' - Smile and repeat.

Ohyesiam Sat 19-Nov-16 18:09:11

Co slept with our kids to they were 6 and 4, then the lure of bunk bede got them. Now have a seldom used open bed policy.
It make for happy health kids. Read three in a bed by Deborah Jackson, grey book looking at it from every angle , probably 1p n Amazon.

Thatwaslulu Sat 19-Nov-16 18:10:12

I used to share with my nan, even though I had a perfectly good bedroom of my own, until I was 15. I sometimes used to share with her after that if it was cold or we were watching TV in bed, as I didn't have a TV in my room.

gillybeanz Sat 19-Nov-16 18:15:40

I have never had any of our children in our bed, even if ill one of us would sleep in their room.

You have to do what suits you and sod what others say. As long as you are happy with the arrangement, she'll tell you when she needs her own privacy.
As long as you aren't expecting to be a couple anytime soon, I would imagine that could be difficult.
Just play it by ear and when you need some privacy or space make the move gradually.

milkshakeandmonstermunch Sat 19-Nov-16 18:18:27

I share with a 3yo and a newborn. 3yo has been in my bed on and off since she was born. She clearly needs the reassurance at the moment as has started running through in the wee hours to jump in. It wasn't what I planned at all but they both want to be close to me at night and it means we all get to sleep (DH very happy in another room on his own).

YANBU. Only sleep train if it is what YOU want. Your DD will grow out of it as will mine. You are doing something really lovely for her in the meantime.

DotForShort Sat 19-Nov-16 18:22:51

If you're both happy and getting enough sleep, then why change things? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.smile

Potatoooooo Sat 19-Nov-16 18:27:50

My DD nearly 4 sleeps with me too. I tried that supernanny technique (or was it three day nanny?) and it does work. But I'm a soft git and I don't mind sharing the bed with her smile

Mindtrope Sat 19-Nov-16 18:33:15

My friends 13 year old daughter still shares her bed, because she never had bedtime boundaries. Just a word of warning!

Yawn. Someone always has a "friend" like this.

NavyandWhite Sat 19-Nov-16 18:35:23

OP I'm confused by your comment that you'll never be seeing anyone.
What ever?

megletthesecond Sat 19-Nov-16 18:37:55

Yanbu. My 8yr old still wanders into my bed a couple of times a week. I don't have the strength to deal with it on a work night so let her get in. She'll go off the idea when she's older.

harderandharder2breathe Sat 19-Nov-16 18:41:53

Yanbu as long as you and DD are happy and get enough sleep. If that changes that's the time to work on getting her into her own bed.

My adult friend and her mum often ended up sharing a double bed even though the daughter had her own bed upstairs, it was nice closeness for them. Didn't mean she couldn't sleep alone!

Mindtrope Sat 19-Nov-16 18:42:59

It's familes in the modern Western world that are unusual. Familes all around the world co sleep and have done for millenia.

Having a young child sleep alone is a relatively recent child rearing fashion.
We co slept with our children, a huge family bed where we all slept like a pile of puppies until the kids wanted to move. They had their own rooms with comfortable beds and the transition was very easy,. Never rushed always easy. I was always happy when children fell asleep at a good time with no tears.
No big deal.

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