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To feel bad about lending money?

(14 Posts)
WhereTheSkintThingsAre Sat 19-Nov-16 17:48:04

Bit of background:

DH and I are low earners. We have two children and not much family .

We have two children in childcare.

We are skint !

But DH has just had a very generous promotion and as of December we'll be so much better off.

BUT , I don't get paid until Tuesday and I've just had to ask my brother to lend me £10 to put petrol in the car . He doesn't mind and we often lend to each other .

But I can't get rid of this awful niggling feeling of badness about how much we've relied on help from others over the years.

We've borrowed from family and very close friends (who are in the very high earnings bracket ) . We've borrowed from family quite often - usually low amounts between £10-£60 . As I said , we've also lent similar to my brother .

The largest amount was around £1200 when our banger of a car broke down (we rely on it for my work ).

We always pay back on time and even though our friends wanted to write off the loan - we insisted on paying back every penny . We have been profusely grateful and treated them to an outing on a month when we were better off .

I just feel like such a loser ! sad

It's been very very stressful at times when we've had huge unexpected bills and no money to pay them , when the car needed work etc.

Admittedly , some of the time it has been due to bad budgeting. But also when we've had unexpected bills .

It's been a very stressful few years but DH promotion is our bit of luck .

I just feel so down tonight about having to lend for petrol . (We've also lent money out to my brother when he's needed it ) .

Am I being harsh on myself ? Or is it really frowned upon?

Sparlklesilverglitter Sat 19-Nov-16 17:50:17

I think you are being too harsh on yourself

You always pay the money back and family in an ideal world would always help each other

Now with your DH earning more from December your be in a position to budget plan more and hopefully not need help

JustHappy3 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:51:08

Rubbish! You have honoured a loan and paid it back and managed your budget. Please don't beat yourself up.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing Sat 19-Nov-16 17:53:45

You have paid them back so you are fine.

Maybe with the pay rise invite them all around for dinner to say thank you for their support.

SillySongsWithLarry Sat 19-Nov-16 18:04:02

Can you now start putting money aside so that you have a buffer for unexpected expenses. What's done is done but if you spend every penny you earn you will always be short.

Allthewaves Sat 19-Nov-16 18:06:00

Give yourself a fresh start. Don't get carried away with extra money and badly budget. Build some savings so you won't have to borrow

WhereTheSkintThingsAre Sat 19-Nov-16 18:12:26

We will finally be in a position to save now so we will be doing that smile

WhereTheSkintThingsAre Sat 19-Nov-16 18:12:49

Thanks for all the kind words cake

NavyandWhite Sat 19-Nov-16 18:14:54

Don't feel bad. You have borrowed but always paid back. Life is expensive.
Glad things are looking up for you now.

MrsMozart Sat 19-Nov-16 18:50:20

You've paid it back so please don't feel bad. Everyone helps out where they can. If it were the other way round would you want people to feel bad? Congrats to OH on his job.

holeinmyheart Sat 19-Nov-16 19:06:00

I think you are wasting time looking back and beating yourself up about what is now essentially the past. Feel pleased with yourself instead, after all you behaved honourably and paid the money back.
As a previous post said, hold a nice dinner party and invite your generous friends and stand up and thank them profusely for their help and say that you will never forget them. It is so lovely being thanked.
I have given money to friends and I have always said the deal is ' don't pay me back, but if I get dementia or am stuck In a old folks home then they are required to visit me.

junebirthdaygirl Sat 19-Nov-16 20:03:49

Thought you were going to talk about 1000s but 10 pounds isn't even worth thinking about. Also people will only lend you once if you don't pay back so you are obviously a safe bet. Don't let the good be taken out of your improved circumstances. Enjoy them.

MrHannahSnell Sat 19-Nov-16 20:10:29

What a load of bollocks! Nothing wrong with borrowing from friends and/or family if you can pay it back. It's one of the ways people get through the rough patches of life. No reason at all for you to feel bad about this. Maybe you'll be loaning money to others soon.

WhereTheSkintThingsAre Sat 19-Nov-16 20:10:43

Thank you everyone . I'm feeling much better now having read the responses smile

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