Not wanting to spend time alone with friendly mother in law...

(215 Posts)
lamii Sat 19-Nov-16 13:09:28

My mother in law (to be exact, the mom of my long relationship boyfriend) would like to go to the theatre with me. I don't feel comfortable with that even if she is very friendly. She is not like a friend to me. I live abroad and I wish I could go to the theatre with my mum, not my mother in law...
AIBU?

Nanny0gg Sat 19-Nov-16 13:14:08

Yes.

Why not use the time to get to know her better?

Sparlklesilverglitter Sat 19-Nov-16 13:15:51

Why not go?

If you've been together that long why don't you see his family as yours?

To me the mil has made a perfectly nice offer and your rejecting it for no reason

spanieleyes Sat 19-Nov-16 13:16:08

yes, when i was married, my now ex- mother in law and I went on holidays together, leaving exh at home with the children!

OohhThatsMe Sat 19-Nov-16 13:16:17

She is offering the hand of friendship and you are rejecting it. Why would you do that? If you live in another country to your own mum, then of course you can't go to the theatre with her. Presumably you made that decision to live away?

MadHattersWineParty Sat 19-Nov-16 13:16:51

Yeah, it's a bit sad that you don't want to make the effort just because you miss your mum!

EatTheCake Sat 19-Nov-16 13:18:25

Maybe she wants to get to know you better as you've been with her child a long time?
She is making a nice offer and you reject it, I can't see any reason in your OP for this

Seriously what have you got to lose? confused

monkeysox Sat 19-Nov-16 13:19:31

Can you ask your mum too? Try it you might like it

gillybeanz Sat 19-Nov-16 13:20:12

Yes, YABU.
It isn't her fault you aren't going with your mum.
Maybe use the time to get to know her better, it's not like you'll have to chat much as you'll be watching/ listening to something.
My mum is no longer with us, it doesn't stop me seeing my mil, who whilst is no replacement can be lovely, caring and friendly, most of the time grin
Just go, you maybe surprised how well you get on.

BubbleGumBubble Sat 19-Nov-16 13:22:16

YABU and odd.

Your poor mil.

ilovesooty Sat 19-Nov-16 13:22:37

If she's friendly and pleasant I think it would be really rude and mean spirited to decline.

lamii Sat 19-Nov-16 13:23:45

Right, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5yrs (maybe that's not called long term). I am 30+ and I don't want to feel like a kid.
I don't feel comfortable with doing that, it might be because I have a rebel mind and she likes to be the 'mum' and decide for us...
It might be a good reason but I can't help it to not wanting to go out with her. Maybe that's also related to the fact that I have only one friend where I live and I am always hanging out with older people...

@monkeysox My mum is in my homeland.

lamii Sat 19-Nov-16 13:24:46

*It might not be a good reason

BubbleGumBubble Sat 19-Nov-16 13:28:24

What are you going on about confused

Just tell her no because you dont like her.

lamii Sat 19-Nov-16 13:29:19

@BubbleGumBubble I like her, like a mil but not like a friend!!

tiktok Sat 19-Nov-16 13:29:21

My mil is dead now, but I went to various places with her, and I would never have refused a kind invitation from her. You haven't really explained why you feel reluctant to go. On the face of it, not to go seems cold and unfriendly.

MatildaTheCat Sat 19-Nov-16 13:29:23

Golly. I have 2 sons with long term girlfriends. I hope neither of them feels like that. She isn't trying to be your mum, she's trying to establish a nice relationship with you in her own right.

Poor woman. Your excuses aren't doing you much credit.

NavyandWhite Sat 19-Nov-16 13:29:42

The bitch shock how dare she be nice.

FFS.

Arfarfanarf Sat 19-Nov-16 13:29:59

You're an important person to her son she is an important person to your partner
It is nice when people get along.
Hopefully she's going to be part of your life for a long time
why wouldnt you want a relationship with her?
She's not nothing.
She's as important to your partner as your mum is to you.
If your partner had a dismissive almost contemptuous attitude towards your mum i dont think you'd like it.

It wouldnt kill you to spend a few hours with the woman.
You might even like her.
After all- she raised someone you love very much. She obviously did something right.

lamii Sat 19-Nov-16 13:30:27

Obvs if I am writing here it's because I want advice AND understanding.

Pancakeflipper Sat 19-Nov-16 13:30:30

It's the theatre - you'll hardly have to say a word to each other. If you don't want to see the play/musical etc then say no. It doesn't seem like a biggie.
I guess there's a lot behind this and your relationship with her.

SpecialStains Sat 19-Nov-16 13:31:14

I love going to the theatre. Really wouldn't mind who I went with.

You are utterly bizarre! Just go and have a nice time.

confused

BubbleGumBubble Sat 19-Nov-16 13:32:46

What is there to understand.

People spend time with their family. It is not strange.
Why do you think you should only spebd time with friends?

TaliDiNozzo Sat 19-Nov-16 13:33:04

I think this is one of those things you should just suck up for the sake of future relationships. If you and your boyfriend are to be together in the future, having a good relationship with his mum now is probably a good idea. Sounds like she's trying to bond with you which is lovely.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Sat 19-Nov-16 13:33:06

How very odd you're being. She sounds a nice woman, it would make her happy, why not go?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now