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to ask if you are scared of death?

(78 Posts)
marvelousdcomics Sat 19-Nov-16 07:44:44

I'm scared of death - not the dying part, but afterwards. I'm scared of not being here. I'll never see, hear, smell, taste or touch anything again. I'm absolutely terrified of it and it is taking over my life.

Also, dd(15) has been petrified of it since her nan died 6 years ago. By petrified, I mean properly, full on scared. She frequently cries, has panic attacks etc because she is that scared. She cant do anything without the thought of death overwhelming her.

So, 1) could I do anything for dd?
And 2) are you scared of death?

CherryLips1980 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:46:21

Yes, in the same way you are. No idea what to suggest for your daughter though sad

jetSTAR Sat 19-Nov-16 07:48:14

Yes I am but not as severely as you. You have my sympathy 🌹 have you considered counselling for yo and DD?

NavyandWhite Sat 19-Nov-16 07:48:21

Has your DD seen her GP about this?

microsnake Sat 19-Nov-16 07:48:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jabuticaba Sat 19-Nov-16 07:49:22

No, I'm sad that I cannot be here with my family forever. But I'm not scared. If you're that scared of dying it means you really love life. That's a positive thing. But if you love life and use it to be scared of dying then that seems such a big waste.

Scooby20 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:49:23

I think know you both may need to some professional help. That's not meant as an insult. But if it's taking over your lives yiu would be best funding her some help.

I am not scared of death. I am scared of dying young and the impact it would have on my family. Actually dying though, no.

If there is nothing after, I won't know. So no point worrying if there is or isn't. If there is, great.

marvelousdcomics Sat 19-Nov-16 07:55:26

Thank you everyone. Good to know we aren't the only ones flowers

Would the GP even see us about this? DD is under CAMHS already for other things, would they help?

UpLighter Sat 19-Nov-16 07:56:50

I'm scared of death.

I'm more scared of not 'living' though.

Maybe look at why you are scared of death and what you would miss then do & enjoy those things now? Let that be the motivation to embrace living now.

Scooby20 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:58:02

I would hope they would. She has anxiety and it's debilitating. Regardless of the subject matter.

I am quite surprised this hasn't been brought up to CAMHS.

Hassled Sat 19-Nov-16 07:59:28

Yes, I think you need to get your DD to see her GP and hopefully organise some counselling. Or there are bereavement organisations like Cruse which could help. Do this asap - she must be really suffering.

I lost my mother when I was a teenager and as you can imagine it had a huge impact on me. The sense of loss never really goes away - but you do learn to manage it. So while I have no fear of death, I've feared my DCs going through what I went through. That said - I know I coped. I'm still here and I've had a happy life and I'm OK - they would be too if it happened to them.

marvelousdcomics Sat 19-Nov-16 08:00:28

Up, that's a good idea, thank you.

Scooby, dd hasn't brought it up to CAMHS because 1) they are focusing on other things which they prioritise and 2) she thinks its embarrassing to be scared of something. I do plan on bringing it up at next meeting and will try to arrange a GP appointment. Thank you.

cookieswirls Sat 19-Nov-16 08:01:09

I feel sad about the people I leave behind I do think about that quite a lot and wonder if they will forget about me sad I hope they don't. It is good to talk to people about what you are feeling to know you are not alone

newmumwithquestions Sat 19-Nov-16 08:01:43

Yes. Terrified. I never used to be but the moment I had DD it's like a switch came on and I realised I'm going to die - of course I knew before that I would but never thought about it. Now I can't help the thought popping into my head all the time! Sorry, no idea what to suggest. flowers

BaggyCheeks Sat 19-Nov-16 08:02:13

Fucking terrified. Think about it every single day (in a "one day I'm going to die" way) sometimes to the point of insomnia and panic attacks. No idea how to sort it. I've tried rationalising it, because I don't care that I wasn't around before I was born, but that doesn't help me.

YvaineStormhold Sat 19-Nov-16 08:04:30

I'm scared of the process of death - finding out I'm ill, having to come to terms with my life ending, realising all the things I'll never do, etc. But I have health anxiety, so that's part of my condition.

I'm also scared of living too long, and losing my independence, dignity, etc.

But being dead doesn't scare me. That's the easy bit.

Eolian Sat 19-Nov-16 08:06:41

No. Not at all scared of the being dead bit, only of the dying bit.

pullingmyhairout1 Sat 19-Nov-16 08:08:09

I'm more scared of dying having not done things I'd like to iyswim.

Death is inevitable. I just hope I'm old when it occurs!

BadKnee Sat 19-Nov-16 08:11:47

No, I wasn't here before, I'll just return to that state of non-being. No fear at all. Peace, sleep.

I am scared of violent or painful death, of an illness which would debilitate and damage me. I worry about what would happen to those I left behind - especially my son. I am really frightened that I have so very stupidly run out of time - left it too late, used up so much of my life waiting for things to be better. But death? No, it'll be fine!

As other pp's have said - your DD does need help with this. Getting help for yourself would make it easier for her to tackle her own fears with more of your support.

Good luck OP

dailymaillazyjournos Sat 19-Nov-16 08:14:04

i'm not afraid of no longer existing. We have no awareness of the time before we were conceived/born, so I have no reason to think that you have any awareness after death. The brain imo is a very clever computer but once it is switched off, that is it - it no longer exists and by extension, neither will we.

Having seen the death process, I am afraid of the actual dying part. I have filled in an advance directive of what measures i want/don't want if I have a life-changing illness or accident. As *Yvaine^ says, I do think being dead is the easy bit. It will be the same as the time before we were born and there is no way of remembering or knowing about that.

If death is something that is on your mind and DD's (and my DD is very concerned that any illness might be cancer, after her grandma's death) then I'd talk about it to your GP. It's horrible to have such fear (esp for DD as she is so young) and deserves help to not to have these feelings at the front of her mind. It's a very common fear and very understandable, but that doesn't mean you can't ask for help in beating it.

whatishappeningtomerightnow Sat 19-Nov-16 08:14:24

The thing that scares me most about death is that i will never see my children again sad

Birdsgottafly Sat 19-Nov-16 08:16:44

I used to work in end of life care and have been present when my Dad, Mum, Grandad and DH died, so the actual dying doesn't Scare me.

I've been seriously ill, twice, enough to have to sign each night who I wanted contacting if I died in the night. It was the thought of leaving my children, with no-one else to pick up the pieces.

I didn't think that I'd wake up from an operation, this year. It saddened me to think that I wouldn't see my Granddaughter grow up.

Other than that, death doesn't bother me.

OP, you need to get your DD into Counselling. It isn't usual to be that effected by the fear of death.

You should have done it sooner.

maggiethemagpie Sat 19-Nov-16 08:19:31

I'm not scared of death as I believe in an afterlife. I'm more scared of not being here for my kids if I was to die whilst they're little.

NavyandWhite Sat 19-Nov-16 08:22:14

It's just a horrible thought isn't it? I often wonder what will be the date that I die? How will I die? Accident or illness? Or worse. ( have been watching too many Dexter )

The main thing is not leaving youngest DS without a mum while he's still young. I lost my mother as a little girl and it has shaped me.

I'm not so bothered about after dying.

klassy Sat 19-Nov-16 08:26:17

Yes I know the feeling, but more of dying than death.

Anxiety meds might help - seriously, talk to your GP. flowers

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