ExDP and I were together for 10 years, apart 4 yrs. We are cordial and keep in touch for the children but don't communicate regularly. ExDP, I'll call him 'Tom' still keeps in touch with my Dad intermittently, sending photos and emailing etc.
About 2 years ago I discovered that Tom had approached my Dad for money to refurbish his (now deceased) parent's home which was in a dire state (the house couldn't be sold as is and was probably not even mortgageable). The aim was to sell it on and make $ that he would put in savings. He would work on refurbishing the house with his brother, who is unemployed and with no viable income.
Tom claims my Dad said to him 'If I can ever help you with the house, let me know' and Tom decided to take my Dad up on it. My Dad said Tom came to him directly asking for cash. Whatever happened my Dad agreed and gave Tom 40k for the refurb. I was only told about it by Tom AFTER the agreement happened and the cash was exchanged.
Obviously I was pretty livid because (a) I don't think it's appropriate for an Ex to go to my parent asking for money, (b) Tom is a grown up and should try to find cash the old fashioned way like via loans etc (he has always been lazy, expected me to sort finances out when we were together) and (c) Tom is a nightmare with money and things like project management and he was only going to suck my Dad into a vortex of his incompetence which I was dreading. I kept quiet though because I thought it wasn't my business.
Sure enough the whole refurb was a nightmare with Tom taking WAY longer to do the refurb than expected, not tracking his spend, going back to my Dad not once but TWICE for more cash in total 65k (thx to Tom's crappy budgeting) and throughout sending ad hoc communication and emails often peppered with spelling and grammatical errors. My poor Dad.
I'm so embarrassed about the whole thing but have never chastised my Dad about not consulting me before saying YES. Tom is shameless oblivious to it all, thinking that he's pals with my Dad and that the refurb was a success.
Now Tom wants to ask my Dad for more $ because he thinks property development is his thing. Oh god. Do I have an honest conversation with my Dad about NOT giving money to Tom and the importance of consulting me on these matters first? Or is it too late for that? It's his money and his business but I feel I wasn't consulted because 'women don't need to be involved in money matters.'
Sorry for the long post!!!
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AIBU?
AIBU to have expected Dad not to loan money to ExDP - or to have told me first?
15 replies
windygallows · 18/11/2016 17:43
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Arfarfanarf ·
18/11/2016 17:49
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18/11/2016 17:55
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18/11/2016 17:57
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