to disapprove of this parental attitude to childs sport

[SousaHadABigCurlyOne]

This is football related and since I know next to nothing about the game I am prepared to be told IABU.

Recently we were out with a friend who has a young DS, still at primary school, who is very keen on football. He plays for a local boys club and attends mid-week practices regularly and has a match every weekend. Our friend goes to all his sons matches and is very keen to support him in this interest.

So far so good. Jolly good that the wee boy is actively involved in a sport and that the father is encouraging him.

Our friend went on to describe what a "hard" player his DS is. "He doesn't get mad he gets even". Apparently at the age group he plays in the referee can't order a player off the field for a foul but they can ask a team manager to substitute a player. Friend seemed quite impressed that his DS has been substituted in this way several times already this season. He actually described his son as "a bit of a thug" on the field like this is a good thing.

Maybe I am miles out of touch and this is completely normal in childrens football but I just felt slightly shocked that this man seemed proud of the fact that his young DS is already a "dirty" player and encourages him to see this as a good way to play. Other parents with football playing children - what would be your take on this? Am I just being precious?

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Three boys 24,18 and 15. - all play football , one at centre back. You are correct that parent is a dick!!

[WinnieTheW0rm]

No, you are not being precious.

Yes, some sports parents are awful.

Yes, coaches vary in ability to encourage sportsmanship.

And talented players don't play dirty. If this big needs to, he's probably not that good.

[KurriKurri]

Well when he gets older presumably he will be sent off and if he's constantly being sent off he won't be picked for the team. So whatever the moral view (and I'm with you - no reason at all to encourage him be thuggish and unsporting) it will rebound on the child eventually.

I hate the win at all costs attitude to sport - it's kids running about kicking a ball FFS.

[WLF46]

Different parents want different things out of their children. Some want them to grow into well-adjusted adults, some want them to be driven by success, some just want to live their dreams through their child.

Perhaps the father was bullied when younger and wants his son to be dishing out the trouble rather than receiving it.

More likely he dreams of his son becoming a footballer and believes that a single minded, win-at-all-costs mentality is the key.

It seems stupid though that the referee is not allowed to send a child off. A punishment like that is exactly what the child in question needs.

In any case, get used to it, because as children get older, their parents get worse!

[birdybirdywoofwoof]

The parent is a dick- but sadly hes not at all unusual.

[WorraLiberty]

Well I think it's completely obvious that YANBU and I'd be surprised if anyone said otherwise about a parent sounding proud that their child is a 'thug'.

I'm curious though as to why you're looking for approval of your disapproval towards his attitude.

Is there more to it? Has his son done anything bad to your child?

[SousaHadABigCurlyOne]

WorraLiberty My "child" is many years older than his and completely unaffected!

I wasn't seeking approval of my disapproval but I wondered if my reaction was down to my ignorance of the realities of the game. I wondered if the attitude might be "Oh it is a contact sport they have to get used to it". I suppose I am a bit reasured that there are other parents involved in the sport who would not support this attitude.

[birdsdestiny]

No this is not normal and in the small world of football he will become known for this behaviour. It also never works. Ds is in a football team which dh manages. For a while we were beaten by the dirty teams because we were small and didnt foul. Now they are older we always beat those teams because they were too busy relying on force and not learning the skills of football. His behaviour must be incredibly bad for the referee to ask the coach to take him off. I have seen coaches take a player off for behaviour but never seen a referee ask them to and I have seen a lot of junior football.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

It happens lots in life and not only in sports.

Ive known parents who encourage fighting and violence with their children to 'toughen them up' then wonder why nobody ever wants to play with them, it's sad

[minisoksmakehardwork]

Definitely not normal in our U7's league games. Would be frowned upon by both coaches and moved would be made to discourage such moves in training.