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DP archived Facebook messages...

(131 Posts)
Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:05:29

So I was on the laptop, on my partners fb (as I often am) and I know I shouldn't have but I went onto his archived messages. Nothing to do with trust issues I was genuinely just snooping. I found a message from a gf he had at 16 (it was dated a few years ago) and she basically said she needed to talk to him. His replies are like we're over I don't want to talk to you etc etc and she said I know you won't believe me but I need to talk to you about being pregnant. She then went on to say she'd had a scan and was having twins and they were his. His reply was no the dates don't add up, we weren't together then because that's the month you cheated on me so they're not mine (surely that means they were together then though??) and she just said we were together I know this because we did XY and Z on such a such date but if you don't want to be involved that's fine I'll let them know when they grow up. I went on to her profile and there is a picture of 2 kids who look about that age so the pregnancy must be true.

I have never heard anything of the sort. A total shock to me. I feel sick, I can't stop thinking about it.
Less of a AIBU but more of a WWYD? If I bring it up the argument will more likely turn into why were you snooping and not actually focus on what was said. I know I shouldn't have snooped but I did and TBH I really wish I hadn't sadsad

Jiggl Fri 18-Nov-16 17:07:52

Was he with you during the time-frame of conception, or was it before you both got together?

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:08:19

No sorry should've mentioned that. This was before we got together.

OohhThatsMe Fri 18-Nov-16 17:09:46

Yes, were you two together then? How old are the children and how long was he with her?

Strange she didn't do a DNA test so she could get child maintenance.

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:10:51

The children would be about 5 now I think.

TheNaze73 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:10:54

I'd leave well alone.

And don't open doors, when you might not like what's inside. We're all entitled to a past & you know what you did was wrong on every level

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:17:22

I know. I probably won't ever mention it to him, I guess it teaches me for snooping. I just can't get over how it ended, although they may have communicated another way? I want to ask him if there was a DNA test, how he knows for certain etc etc. If it has been left the way it looks (her claiming they're his, him saying no and her basically saying fine) I just can't believe it. How can that not be brought up? That's such a big thing. Very stressed. I'm so stupid.

OohhThatsMe Fri 18-Nov-16 17:20:34

Were you with him at the time, OP?

OohhThatsMe Fri 18-Nov-16 17:21:00

Oh sorry, just seen your earlier reply.

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:22:24

Oohh, no I didn't even know him at the time. It's not about infidelity at all - it's about how despondent his response to this woman was, and how he potentially has 2 children that he's never bothered with. And that he never mentioned to me that he potentially has 2 children.

likepeasandcarrots Fri 18-Nov-16 17:23:17

Surely if they were his kids she would have pursued a DNA test and then maintenance? Has he his own account he could be paying maintenance from?
If she was sure they are his kids I can't believe she wouldn't have gone through the channels to get him to pay for them so if he isn't they probably aren't his.

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:24:51

I know all of his finances etc, I'm pretty confident to be able to say he doesn't pay her anything

OohhThatsMe Fri 18-Nov-16 17:28:40

Have you ever asked him if a girlfriend had got pregnant in the past?

GrabtharsHammer Fri 18-Nov-16 17:29:40

Why don't you just message her and ask if they're his kids?

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:30:23

No. But I do remember us watching something where a girl found out her partner had a child from a previous relationship and I said how horrible that would be to not be told and how if it were me I'd probably leave him confusedconfused

Libby34 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:31:26

Is that what you would do? However tempting that is I don't quite feel brave enough blush

EveOnline2016 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:31:44

Not all women chase CSA.

Dates of conception can be a huge window due to ovulating early or later than expected.

It's why it only a well educated due date which can be 2 weeks either side.

I couldn't rest until a DNA test rules out he was or not the biological father.

WorraLiberty Fri 18-Nov-16 17:35:49

Don't message the woman for goodness sake, that's bad advice imo.

OP, I'd come clean with him. Tell him you came across the message and ask him about it.

If you don't, it will probably eat you up.

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 18-Nov-16 17:35:49

In all fairness if the father of a child of mine said "don't think it's mine" I would say "fine I shall proceed on that basis" and unless I was court ordered to I would be unlikely to ever contact them again.

Pisssssedofff Fri 18-Nov-16 17:37:22

This happened to my best friend. She got pregnant by a man had two kids with him which he now categorically denies despite the fact that he pays child support for them. Friend messages the new wife to fill her in and guess who's the loon apparently. No not the man that's pretended not to have two kids and rewritten his entire past, the woman on her own with two children.
OP I'd want to know what hell is going on here personally

BratFarrarsPony Fri 18-Nov-16 17:38:51

would you like it if he was going through your archived messages?
Just asking.
Because if there is no trust, there is no relationship is there?

WankersHacksandThieves Fri 18-Nov-16 17:40:19

It also depends on how long you've been with him and whether this is likely to be a long term relationship where you want children together etc.

If you are not intending marrying or getting pregnant with this guy then I'd leave well alone. Otherwise, it might be worth shoehorning some quite specific questions into a general discussion about your future and whether you want children together.

Tatterdemali0n Fri 18-Nov-16 17:45:01

Don't message her for the love of God. I'd own up, apologise for snooping but tell him he can talk to you without judgement. It's better you know just in case she contacts him further down the line. Don't snoop again.

Skittlesss Fri 18-Nov-16 17:45:36

I'd just tell him the truth and ask him if they're his. His lack of interest would make me want to leave him though. Especially if they turn out to be his kids and he had the chance to be a dad to them.

Jinglebellsandv0dka Fri 18-Nov-16 17:46:00

No, I'd have to ask him.

He should have done a paternity test to rule it out.

I ask because I could not have kids with a bloke who could/would potentially walk away from a child.

Just out of intrest op where are you based or where is the ex based?

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