Driving - two month old

[GashleyCrumbTiny]

We all know babies shouldn't be in car seats 'too long'. I am generally over-cautious when it comes to driving (non-driver, don't like going too fast, very nervous of people who drive long distances without proper breaks - which DH's family have a tendency to do). Am I being too nervy about the following:

This weekend, DH wants to drive to see his grandmother in hospital on Saturday, so she can see our ten week old baby girl. It's a two hour drive (each way). He then wants to drive to see his other grandmother on Sunday, which is a two-and-three-quarter hour drive away (each way). I think this is too much driving in one weekend. He has an hour commute to work each day and is constantly saying he's exhausted. He needs downtime at the weekend, not another ten hours behind the wheel of a car. He has arranged for us to have a lift on the Sunday with his parents but this would still involve a half hour drive to and from their house at the start and end of what's likely to be a long day. I am happier with the idea of getting a lift, but it's still almost six hours in a car seat for the baby in total - which I'm not really keen on.

AIBU? How far is too far in a car with a small baby? Is the Sunday trip a bad idea full stop, or is it okay provided he isn't driving? Or am I being a massive fusspot and there's no issue with him doing both trips?

I feel like we should make the effort for the grandmother who is hospital, as she's really not well. The other grandmother, there will be other opportunities to see her (although this weekend is a big family event and I know he will not be happy about missing it). Staying over isn't an option. Train could be on Sunday, but we'd need to lug the car seat so we could get a taxi at the other end - it wouldn't be any quicker and will be expensive, which he will resist because he thinks I'm a twerp being so resistant to just piling in a car and driving for hours and hours and hours no matter how tired you are. What do the wise women of MN think?

[GashleyCrumbTiny]

Man, that was an essay. Sorry!

[Primaryteach87]

I don't think it's at all unsafe but I personally wouldn't want to as it's pretty dull for grown ups and the baby to be in a car loads over the weekend. Equally, I can see a 'get it over and done with' mindset.

[YoScienceBitch]

I drive 4 hours a day for college! I'm sure he'll be fine...

[Trifleorbust]

Honestly, I am not sure a ten week old should be making hospital visits. I would be less bothered about the driving, but hospitals are germ factories and if a baby doesn't need to be exposed, best avoided.

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

You're being a fusspot. The baby will be fine and your DH has made alternative plans so he's now only driving 5 hours over two days. Sounds fine.

[Mybugslife]

There was a new study recently that says baby's should not be in a car seat longer than 30 mins at a time, as it restricts their airways. That's a lot of stopping and will mean the journey takes a lot longer.
Could I use that as an excuse?
I think your right, it's a long drive, will be a long day and it's not really fair on a 10 week old baby

[Mybugslife]

Obviously I meant could you use that as an excuse **

[loveisagirlnameddaisy]

You might want to check out the recent news reports about babies in car seats. It applies to newborns so not sure what the upper limit is.

[PeachBellini123]

As long as you all take breaks from driving and take the baby out of the seat I don't think it's a problem at all.

We drove for ten hours with DN when he was a baby. Lots of breaks and he slept for most of it.

[HairyScaryMonster]

We drove 5 hours in one day when DD was 4 weeks old, stopping every 1.5-2hs. It's not ideal but as a one off it won't be harmful. Whether it's worth it or will make your Dh too tired is another question.

[GashleyCrumbTiny]

Hmm, okay. Sounds like I may be veering towards irrational car-phobia. The babies-in-car-seats recommendations I'm looking at suggest not more than two hours, which is why I'm particularly not keen on the longer trip. There will be no stopping en route because DH and family simply do not operate that way.

[Mishegoss]

I think 6 hours over the two days isn't too bad but it depends on your baby.
We took my daughter to devon when she was 9 weeks old and what should've been a 3/4 hour journey was absolute hell and took over 7. We had to stop in every layby between south mimms and our holiday house, she screeched and I cried and my boobs leaked (glamorous...) We haven't gone further than an hour away from home since. Easy going baby? No problem. My kid - hell.

[rumpelstiltskin43]

Good job you don't live in America, you don't even get out the the main road in 1/2 hour.

[NerrSnerr]

'There will be no stopping en route because DH and family simply do not operate that way.'

They need to be realistic. What if the baby needs feeding, does a poo or really unsettled. Have you spoken to your husband about the practicalities of travelling. I do think you and your husband need to meet in the middle on this one.

[GashleyCrumbTiny]

rumpelstiltskin43 Maybe the amount of time they've all spent scrunched in car-seats and deprived of oxygen explains the election result...

[MimiSunshine]

The babyveill be fine. Firstly the driving is being shared so 5hrs for your DH won't be a problem, he could sleep on route on the Sunday trip if he wanted to.

Secondly, his family may not take breaks, I preferred not to pre-baby as I'm a confident driver who just wanted to get to the destination.
BUT the baby's needs trump their preferences, so I'd suggest that you say to DH that on the Saturday journey you stop when you're around 30mins away from the hospital so you can feed and change the baby.

It'll definitely need doing when you arrive so may as well on route so grandma can see baby straight away (an extra 30/40mins will need factoring into arrival time).

Same for Sunday, take a look at the route on a map and choose a services around 90mins to 2hrs in and say you'll need to stop there to feed and change the baby. Present it as none negotiable and if baby is still asleep as you get near tell them you have to stop or baby will be over tired, and still need feeding / changing when you arrive so better to do it now than when the extended family will want to be cooing.

Oh and there are car seats that have no upper time limit due to their design but that's no use to you now

[Pineappletastic]

'There will be no stopping en route because DH and family simply do not operate that way.'

If they refuse to stop at least every two hours as per guidelines I'd refuse to go.

I say this as the mother of a nine week old who ordinarily would rather not stop on car journeys. Oh, and when you stop they'll probably need feeding and changing, so factor in the extra 45 minutes that will take when planning.

[ryderandthepups]

When my mum was in hospital my DS (6 months at the time) wasn't allowed on the ward, so that might be an issue.

[GahBuggerit]

baby will be fine for a oje off weekend. enjoy a bit of me time!

[YoHoHoandabottleofTequila]

You may want to check the ward will let a ten week old on to visit, norovirus is rife at the minute. I'm saying this as a nurse btw.

[JacquelineChan]

when i visited my sil on a hospital ward my ds was 6 months old and he was not allowed on the ward because he was under 2

[Chickpearocker]

Just think of the babies in Syria travelling across countries, or even other countries like India where ppl don't even use car seats. I think you'll be fine.

[GashleyCrumbTiny]

The hospital will let her in - he's checked. I'm going to stop being daft and say it's fine, but we have to stop at least once on each leg of the trips.

Chickpearocker I know babies in Syria go through far worse, but since that's probably not terribly good for the ones who actually survive that situation, I'm not going to use it as my benchmark.

[KayTee87]

I wouldn't take a 10 week old baby to a hospital visit. I'm sure I read somewhere the recommendations for newborns in car seats is no longer than 30 minutes at a time and 2 hours in a day.

[Chickpearocker]

I was just trying to give you a different perspective. I was a terrible fusspot until someone pointed out that that children are very resilient. We have so much new research these days which is great but can cause us alot of stress too.