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Shared house hold jobs who's bu

(31 Posts)
Hobnobhobbit Thu 17-Nov-16 23:04:42

I work 9.45-5.45 summer and 9.45 till 4.45 winter 6 days a week partner works 8.30 till 5.30 but hours are flexible and he can leave early from work so always does and then catches up at home doing bits of work through out the evenings I do all the cooking and cleaning at the moment which I don't mind doing more than him as I enjoy cooking but he never helps wash up or help do the food shop I asked today if he could help Tomorrow with the online food shop and just tell me what he needed me to order his reply just re order what we had last time this order included two pumpkins loads of toilet roll a bag of frozen peas which we don't need to order again and was actually hoping for some meal inspiration he makes remarks about me working less hours but I'm self employed for part of my job and he's gets hour long lunches my mum also commented on the washing up in the sink and when I said I was leaving it for him to do as I've just made dinner and I've done the cleaning all week she made some comment that as a woman I should do more

Hobnobhobbit Thu 17-Nov-16 23:05:17

Sorry about the rant and the bad spelling I'm really dyslexic and extremely tired and grumpy

honeysucklejasmine Thu 17-Nov-16 23:08:13

So, what's the problem?

YANBU to want your dp to have some input on what he eats for dinner.

YANBUto leave the washing up, if that's your arrangement

Your Mum IBVU to think the fact that you're a woman means you should do it.

blowmybarnacles Thu 17-Nov-16 23:12:46

Your DP sounds pointless.

What does he do? You cook, clean. Do you have kids?

Hobnobhobbit Thu 17-Nov-16 23:13:26

I just feel like he uses the flat as a hotel I asked him if he could cook my soup for me as my backs been horrible all weekend waiting for my appointment he couldn't manage to do it as the pan needed washing up so asked me what he should do with this blank look then claimed it was impossible to wash one item with out filling the sink up the pan only had water in it from cooking peas so didn't need a big scrub so I ended up doing it myself

Hobnobhobbit Thu 17-Nov-16 23:14:41

No kids just us where recently moved in together I do admit I am one for being messy by leaving a trail of my stuff behind me but I do put it all away at the end of the day

Hobnobhobbit Thu 17-Nov-16 23:15:18

He also does things like can't close the door as my coats over it so rather than move it will put it on the floor

BackforGood Thu 17-Nov-16 23:27:31

You need to have a serious conversation with him about distribution of labour Do it now and don't let him get any idea there is a possibility of you waiting on him hand and foot.

Without dc, you both have normal sort of working hours, so you both need to be contributing. You need to get things on an equal footing NOW.
Offer the choice - does he prefer to cook on alternate days, or would he rather you did more cooking and he always cleans the bathroom - type choices, rather than nagging to do one job one day and not making real impact.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 17-Nov-16 23:46:42

"No kids just us where recently moved in together"
I would move right back out again! He is treating you like a skivvy. Seriously, he can't clean a pan to heat up some soup? Of course he can, what he really meant to say was that he WON'T do it angry.

Either he shapes up or you ship him out. Life's too short to waste it on an arse.

Hobnobhobbit Thu 17-Nov-16 23:57:16

How do I put it too him I keep mentioning it and it comes off as a nag and he brings up me being messy he does do the odd bit but I have to ask so I ask that he helps make mash he peels the potatoes I then sits down I have to ask can you put them in a pan of water go back to find there still hole he's always criticising me and the way I do things I'm very dyslexic dyspraxic and not completely normal Always Done things differently will take a while to work out how to do something but obviously he will no straight away and when I eventually do it the right way he will say should of listened to me

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 18-Nov-16 00:21:52

Well for starters, stop phrasing it as him 'helping'. That's as good as saying that it's your job to do all the cooking/cleaning and you are asking him for a favour. But it is not your job and you are not asking for a favour, you are asking him to be a responsible adult and pull his own weight with regards to household tasks.

How long have you lived together? Where did you live before you moved in together? And - how quickly could you move back?

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 09:31:12

Live in a flat at my parents estate it was all built for us he lived locally on his own no family

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 11:33:50

He always seems to be tired to and I can never be more tired than him

hellsbellsmelons Fri 18-Nov-16 12:18:57

Good grief no!!!
Why oh why are you even bothering.
His entitlement and lack for respect for your is shining like a beacon!
Don't subject yourself to this life.
He's telling you who he is - listen and take action!!!

pinkyredrose Fri 18-Nov-16 12:25:01

This is no way to live. What a manchild! How the hell did he live before you moved in?

BarbaraofSeville Fri 18-Nov-16 12:32:02

Obviously share the cleaning labour.

As far as online shopping is concerned, clearly you don't need to 'just get what you got last time' as you don't need everything and presumably you don't eat the same meals every week?

But if he won't suggest any meals, either just order and cook for your self or cook for both of you and if he doesn't like what is on offer, he needs to sort himself out or come up with some ideas.

You could encourage him to put some effort in by only buying and cooking food that you like. He will then soon get the message.

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 12:53:07

What do you suggest I say when he points out my shoes on the floor and my crisp packet that I've just eaten I do admit that I leave my cans of drink around but I will pick them up kitchens a mess at the moment as I've gone on strike but I know it will never get done but my mum will make me do it or tell me it's my job

pinkyredrose Fri 18-Nov-16 12:58:25

Say that you suggest he moves out!

BarbaraofSeville Fri 18-Nov-16 13:03:28

You're not helping yourself by leaving cans of drink around. What's stopping you putting them in the bin in a reasonable timescale? If it's cans - plural, they're obviously lying around for hours/days.

But I don't understand what it's got to do with your mum - it sounds like she might be your landlord, but you don't live in the same house as her do you? So how can she make you do all the housework? And just tell her where to get off if she comes up with ridiculous suggestions that you should do it all because you are the woman.

YelloDraw Fri 18-Nov-16 13:05:25

He also does things like can't close the door as my coats over it so rather than move it will put it on the floor

My ex-DP did that. Note the ex. I found it incredibly disrespectful of me to treat my things like that.

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 13:17:55

It's not cans as such will have one on my bedside from watching them in bed while he works in the living room so I don't disturb him and then leave for work come back and won't go into the bedroom until bed and he will mention the can he has all his bedding and boxes of stuff in the living room but won't move them even though I keep telling him we have rooms for storage next door

golfbuggy Fri 18-Nov-16 13:36:35

So what does he do? You both sound messy and unthinking about each other (why put your coat over a door so it doesn't close in the first place?)

When my brother and SIL first got married they wrote down a list of everything that needed doing with a strict demarcation of who did what. I thought that was extreme, but it's maybe worth you doing. I have a suspicion that DP may do more than you're giving him credit for ...

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 13:47:42

I was steam cleaning it don't have any hooks or anything

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 13:48:40

He's a developer for websites

Hobnobhobbit Fri 18-Nov-16 13:51:13

He's cooked me dinner once and washed up twice but that involved him only washing up what was in the sink not all his glasses he did mop the floor when I asked him but I said to wait till after I was done cooking as I didn't want to be walking on wet floor he then had a big go when my shoes left a foot print trail while I was cooking

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