WIBU to just leave my family and go and live alone?

[Swally]

DS is at uni, he's 20. He has lovely accommodation and is just fine. DD is 17, lives at home but has been nothing but a pain in the arse. She's rude, lazy, etc. Used to be very violent when she was about 11-14 and I was close to leaving then. Dad would live with her I assume. I would sell the house. Then purchase somewhere on my own. WIBU?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Of course not.
When is she 18?
Would her dad take her in though?

[Swally]

At the moment yes

[Swally]

She's 18 on Boxing Day

[Bythebeach]

It sounds like your life's not much fun but it will be hard on your daughter. Won't she feel abandoned? Even if she's horrid, I think sticking it out another year or two until she's an established adult would be better. In that, I making the assumption she is the principle reason you want to leave. Or is it your DH you want to leave? Sorry, I'm confused!

[Swally]

Yeah she's mainly the reason

[Swally]

Yes Navy we have been speaking about that for a while anyway

[hellsbellsmelons]

My DD went through this vile stage at about 11-14.
She spent some of that time abroad with her dad.
Who was feckin' useless.
But she came back a bit better.
Then when she turned 16 she really turned a corner.
She's lovely now at 18 nearly 19.
Yours is just coming out of it a little later (I hope)
Does she work?
College?
Is she off to Uni?
Would you leave the home and your DH and your DD to their own devices, together?

[Swally]

She works 2 shifts a week in a local corner shop and is currently doing her GCSEs from home (she failed them and then refused to go to the exam last year) so she is doing them again this year, sigh

[Swally]

The thing is, me and my H get on well but as friends so I don't mind living with him but has a friend of that makes sense and that's what we have done for the last year 'just been friends'

[ChocolateBudgeCake]

It sounds like the relationship is over so yes move out from DH. Just make sure you are still able to provide a base for your 17 yo. She needs support until she finishes GCSEs. Unless her dad is able to provide that base?

Could you afford a two bed place?

[Swally]

Chocolate, I wouldn't want to live with her.

The thing is, she probably won't move out for years.

[OohhThatsMe]

Does she get on better with her dad than with you? Would he be happy with that arrangement? Would you have her to stay a few nights a week?

[Swally]

No she gets on better with me

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Swally you sound so defeated, and I suspect depressed as well. Does your husband 'parent' her, or is it all left to you?

[OohhThatsMe]

It sounds a very sad situation. She gets on better with you, so presumably would be unhappy to live just with her dad.

Have you spoken to anyone about the way you're feeling?

[Allthewaves]

I would formalise split from husband and move into your own place

[OohhThatsMe]

Has she ever been diagnosed with anything, OP?

How's she managing those GCSEs at home? I imagine that's pretty tough. Do you go out to work? It sounds as though you're spending more time with her than you want. Does she have friends? Couldn't she study at college?

[Swally]

Navy she is still doing her GCSEs... I don't think she will go to uni anyway.

Yeah she'd be happier living with me but I don't know if I can keep doing it.

She has been diagnosed with depression which is why everything is such a struggle but I'm doing my best.

She finds them tough but it keeps her happy doing them from home. If she went to college atm it worries me that she would be arrested as she would just be so unhappy

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Swallow, to ask this question, you must have reached the end of your tether, you poor love. You have the right to be happy !
Could you maybe, talk over how you are feeling, with your GP.
Your daughter will be an adult, on Boxing Day, time for her to shape up, or you will ship out. Life is too short to be miserable, don't feel guilty. X 💐