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WIBU to just leave my family and go and live alone?

(37 Posts)
Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:15:32

DS is at uni, he's 20. He has lovely accommodation and is just fine. DD is 17, lives at home but has been nothing but a pain in the arse. She's rude, lazy, etc. Used to be very violent when she was about 11-14 and I was close to leaving then. Dad would live with her I assume. I would sell the house. Then purchase somewhere on my own. WIBU?

NavyandWhite Thu 17-Nov-16 12:17:23

Do you live with your H?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 12:19:21

Of course not.
When is she 18?
Would her dad take her in though?

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:19:24

At the moment yes

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:19:50

She's 18 on Boxing Day

Bythebeach Thu 17-Nov-16 12:21:52

It sounds like your life's not much fun but it will be hard on your daughter. Won't she feel abandoned? Even if she's horrid, I think sticking it out another year or two until she's an established adult would be better. In that, I making the assumption she is the principle reason you want to leave. Or is it your DH you want to leave? Sorry, I'm confused!

NavyandWhite Thu 17-Nov-16 12:23:16

So you're wanting to leave your H as well?

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:23:23

Yeah she's mainly the reason

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:23:48

Yes Navy we have been speaking about that for a while anyway

NavyandWhite Thu 17-Nov-16 12:25:38

Life's too short to be unhappy. Your DD will be living her own life soon enough.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 12:27:13

My DD went through this vile stage at about 11-14.
She spent some of that time abroad with her dad.
Who was feckin' useless.
But she came back a bit better.
Then when she turned 16 she really turned a corner.
She's lovely now at 18 nearly 19.
Yours is just coming out of it a little later (I hope)
Does she work?
Is she off to Uni?
Would you leave the home and your DH and your DD to their own devices, together?

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:38:15

She works 2 shifts a week in a local corner shop and is currently doing her GCSEs from home (she failed them and then refused to go to the exam last year) so she is doing them again this year, sigh

NavyandWhite Thu 17-Nov-16 12:41:44

I think your DD's behaviour is an aside TBH. If you're unhappy in your marriage then you have the right to live alone.

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:43:14

The thing is, me and my H get on well but as friends so I don't mind living with him but has a friend of that makes sense and that's what we have done for the last year 'just been friends'

ChocolateBudgeCake Thu 17-Nov-16 12:45:58

It sounds like the relationship is over so yes move out from DH. Just make sure you are still able to provide a base for your 17 yo. She needs support until she finishes GCSEs. Unless her dad is able to provide that base?

Could you afford a two bed place?

NavyandWhite Thu 17-Nov-16 12:50:38

In that case ride it out until DD leaves home?

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 12:54:21

Chocolate, I wouldn't want to live with her.

The thing is, she probably won't move out for years.

OohhThatsMe Thu 17-Nov-16 12:57:08

Does she get on better with her dad than with you? Would he be happy with that arrangement? Would you have her to stay a few nights a week?

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 13:00:20

No she gets on better with me

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 17-Nov-16 13:02:42

Swally you sound so defeated, and I suspect depressed as well. Does your husband 'parent' her, or is it all left to you?

NavyandWhite Thu 17-Nov-16 13:03:25

Is she not planning on uni then?

OohhThatsMe Thu 17-Nov-16 13:03:49

It sounds a very sad situation. She gets on better with you, so presumably would be unhappy to live just with her dad.

Have you spoken to anyone about the way you're feeling?

Allthewaves Thu 17-Nov-16 13:04:54

I would formalise split from husband and move into your own place

OohhThatsMe Thu 17-Nov-16 13:05:55

Has she ever been diagnosed with anything, OP?

How's she managing those GCSEs at home? I imagine that's pretty tough. Do you go out to work? It sounds as though you're spending more time with her than you want. Does she have friends? Couldn't she study at college?

Swally Thu 17-Nov-16 13:10:13

Navy she is still doing her GCSEs... I don't think she will go to uni anyway.

Yeah she'd be happier living with me but I don't know if I can keep doing it.

She has been diagnosed with depression which is why everything is such a struggle but I'm doing my best.

She finds them tough but it keeps her happy doing them from home. If she went to college atm it worries me that she would be arrested as she would just be so unhappy

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