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To hate comments like this

(105 Posts)
RaggyDoll1 Thu 17-Nov-16 07:16:41

Am I being unreasonable

I hate it when people say its ok for you because

DH has a good job (he worked bloody hard for it, son of a postie and worked up to where he is now).

Your kids are so well behaved (erm.. they weren't born like that, its due to good old fashioned discipline, and believe me they are not always well behaved.

You are a SAHM (the grass is always greener on the other side, being at home all day with 3 under 4 plus 2 teenagers is not easy. I would much rather work and can't wait for the younger 3 to start school!

You have no money troubles ( its because Im a saver, it has been drummed into me and my dh by our working class parents. Asda clothes, hardly go to restaurants. Treats for the kids but we have 5 kids so its often something like movie night etc

I feel its really unfair when people just assume its ok for me and don't acknowledge how hard dh and i are working.

Does anyone else feel like this?

TheStoic Thu 17-Nov-16 07:21:14

No, not really. What exactly is 'ok for you'?

Sounds like you've got a nice life. Is it important to you that everyone understands you work hard for it? If so, tell them.

No point seething that nobody understands, if there's no way for them to know.

RedHelenB Thu 17-Nov-16 07:22:53

No, I am below you in all categories but I feel very grateful for my life.

A lot of people work hard and dont get the financial rewards, good old fashioned discipline unfortunately doesn't work on ALL kids and you have the choice to go back to work now presumably?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Thu 17-Nov-16 07:25:07


Sparklingbrook Thu 17-Nov-16 07:25:41

Sounds like you need some new friends if that's the sort of thing they say.

Who exactly is saying these things? Jobless people with terribly behaved children? confused

Tanaqui Thu 17-Nov-16 07:27:57

No , yanbu, I know what you mean.

Like when people say "you are lucky"- yes, I am very lucky to have my health, be born in a western society with clean water, access to a good education- but the people who say it have all that too - someone said it to a friend of mine who had a large house deposit when our peer group were all saving- she had it cos her dps had passed away- not lucky at all! Somethings are luck, and some are hard work, and sometimes it's nice to have the latter appreciated!

MauiChristmas Thu 17-Nov-16 07:31:14

I get comments like you are lucky to be able to buy your own home in your 20s... From people who know i inherited the money from my parents who died. No, Id rather my kids have their grandparents here rather than a healthy deposit thanks.

Sparklingbrook Thu 17-Nov-16 07:32:12

I used to think somebody was very lucky in being a SAHM and sending 4 DC to private school, huge house etc.

Turned out it was all funded by the husband's parents.

Some people that seem lucky are possibly up to their eyeballs in debt.

You can't really make assumptions.

SheldonCRules Thu 17-Nov-16 07:34:25

They are right, you are lucky that due to your DH you don't have to work or worry about financing anything. If he wasn't there, you'd be in a very different situation.
Maybe your friends feel you take that for granted hence the comments.

m0therofdragons Thu 17-Nov-16 07:36:02

Apparently I'm lucky my dc are so polite - obviously they were born saying please and thank you hmm

Brokenbiscuit Thu 17-Nov-16 07:37:54

Yabvu. And smug.

I have a really well paid job that also happens to be ultra flexible. Yes, I've worked bloody hard to get to where I am, no doubt. But what about all the people who work so bloody hard and aren't lucky enough to earn my salary/work my hours.

I also have no money troubles. Yes, that's partly because I'm very debt averse, I like to save/overpay my mortgage, and I make choices that aren't extravagant. But what about all the people who live really frugally and still have no money left at the end of the month because they're not lucky enough to earn as much as I do? And what about the ones who weren't lucky enough to have learnt basic financial capability skills from their parents?

And yes, my dd is one of those golden children who seems to be good at everything, gets picked for everything and is exceptionally well behaved. Yes, I think I'm a pretty good parent on the whole. But what about all those amazing parents who don't have kids who find it easy to behave/do what is expected? You can kid yourself all you like that it's simply about good discipline, but it just doesn't come to some kids quite so easily.

I think you sound really self-satisfied and a bit narrow-minded tbh. And incredibly lucky without even realising it.

Onthecouchagain Thu 17-Nov-16 07:38:01

Masssive, absolutely massive number brag here. Get over yourself.

AyeAmarok Thu 17-Nov-16 07:38:19

But it sounds like you are lucky.

Some people work very hard but don't earn much, for example.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 17-Nov-16 07:38:41


Your dh has worked had so you can be a sahm.

You're very lucky.

Onthecouchagain Thu 17-Nov-16 07:38:50

*Humble brag

VixenLupin Thu 17-Nov-16 07:38:56

I get you. I get told often that it's ok for me being a lady of leisure and not working. In fact I'm a carer for my son and any job I could possibly get would need to work around the fact that I have to drop off/pick up my 14 yo son from school and I won't be able to work school holidays as there's no childcare for 14 yo's with SEN.

AyeAmarok Thu 17-Nov-16 07:39:56

What broken said.

CelestialLight Thu 17-Nov-16 07:41:40

You just sound smug OP, it's a very unattractive trait in a person.

CelestialLight Thu 17-Nov-16 07:44:23

Cross posted with everyone else it seems.

brasty Thu 17-Nov-16 07:45:31

Yes you work hard, that is good. But you also sound a bit smug.
Lots of people have things happen in life that they have no control over, and so have a hard time in spite of working hard.

So my relative is in deep financial shit because her DP was murdered. Nothing at all to do with her DP, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And no insurance did not pay out for a murder. Others have health problems they did not foresee, or are unlucky with other things that happen. You sound as if you think if everyone worked hard, they could have a good life as well.

I hate to say it, but it is clear that having 6 kids was your choice. So a bit much to moan that it is hard work as a SAHM. I am sure it is hard work. But you are obviously complaining by comparing yourself to working mums who can not afford to be SAHM.

Most people who have a good life have a mixture of luck, and hard work and good choices. You need all 3.

w4nnabesahm Thu 17-Nov-16 07:47:24

but you are lucky. Your DH has a good job because he worked hard.Well, so did mine but an accident changed it all.

My DC both have SN and are very challenging.

I have to work to make sure we can pay the bills despite have 2 children with SN (one severely) - also due to DH earning little after an accident.

we dont save because there is nothing left to save at the end if the month despite (both!!!) of us getting out and working.

You are very, very lucky. you are a Sahm, no money worries and you don't even work for it.

have a biscuit

Scooby20 Thu 17-Nov-16 07:47:25

You can work hard and get nothing for it. So yes you are in a decent position.

I work hard and earn really well. Some luck has been involved too.

In the past I have worked as equally hard for very little.

TheUnworthy Thu 17-Nov-16 07:47:50

Oh I understand I often get called lucky because....

Oh hang on I don't.

I get sneered at, mocked and reviled for working my fingers to the bone caring for severely disabled partner and dd.

Not everyone who works very hard gets paid for it, so in that respects yes your husband (and by proxy you) are lucky.

Agiraffeisnotacat Thu 17-Nov-16 07:51:17

You're getting a hard time OP because anyone with a nice life who dares to have an issue is often slated on here.

I think you are saying you're fed up with people just assuming you have a nice life and that it all just landed in your lap? In that case YANBU.

As people say though, lots of people do work hard and don't get the same rewards so this sort of thread tends to bring out the sometimes bitter feelings when others work hard but get better rewards, if that makes sense?

For info, I am in a different situation from you but also have decent rewards and a comfortable life. Similar to you, DH and I worked bloody hard and studied for many years to get the rewards we have. It can be a bit galling when people just think you're 'lucky'. In reality it is a mixture of hard work and fortune.

MsGameandWatch Thu 17-Nov-16 07:51:53

Well it is ok for you because however it happened, the chips that make up your life have fallen in a way that you're really happy and content with so your life situation runs smoothly. Realistically though, you're only one job loss or illness away from things taking a massive nose dive. Not that I am wishing this for you, just pointing out that many people are not ok and it's not of there own making. So your life is good but not all of that is down to you and the choices you made. Sometimes life just sends a huge pancake to splat down all over you and your hard work and good choices mean very little then.

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