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Aibu to hope for a thank you for wedding gift

(144 Posts)
OfGurls Wed 16-Nov-16 23:45:01

Wedding was in September. I left gift with best man, as I assumed that's what I was supposed to do.
Other than a general thanks for all your gifts, in the wedding speeches, should I expect a card or phone call or something specific to me? What's the done thing these days?
Or should I check to see if couple even got it?

LondonNicki Wed 16-Nov-16 23:52:04

In my experience a thank you card for a wedding gift can take 3 months these days (although it's not how I would do it).

I understand your frustration!

44PumpLane Thu 17-Nov-16 00:10:47

These days I think thank you cards are hit or miss. I've had thank you cards from about half of weddings I've been to and no card from the other half.

At the wedding you've been thanked for coming and thanked for your gift, plus had dinner and some drinks paid for so I never mind not getting a thank you card.

JessaHanna Thu 17-Nov-16 00:34:28

I git married in October and we are sending our thank you cards first week of Decenber. Much later than I wanted to really but we have been so busy with work, housing stuff abs child. I feel embarrassed writing that but it's true.
We are going to send our Christmas cards at the same time.
However I went to a wedding in May and did not receive a thank you so it is possible it isn't done anymore.

tinytemper66 Thu 17-Nov-16 03:50:36

A former colleague who married in July sent his thank you note in end of October. It was a lovely thought. Didn't expect it but was well received. I didn`t go to wedding.

Tumtitum Thu 17-Nov-16 04:08:13

We took months to send our wedding thank yous due to being pregnant/moving house/generally being disorganised. We also didn't get some of our presents for about a month as they'd ended up at our best man's house!! We had DD christened in September and got some lovely presents for her and I still haven't sent out thank yous as I'm trying to organise something with a nice photo but haven't managed to get it done yet!!! blush

TathitiPete Thu 17-Nov-16 06:26:30

tinytemper you weren't at the wedding? Were they thanking you for not coming grin

LetsAllEatCakes Thu 17-Nov-16 06:56:32

Yes you should get a thank you but it's only been two months. Given the stress of everyday life plus if they've honeymooned then wanting something personal to you is that unlikely. If you've seen them and they haven't said then that's rude, but if you haven't then give them more time.

We had moving house, a honeymoon and two deaths so ours took 5 months. They were personal cards with messages specific to the guests. We had thanked all close people verbally since then when we had seen them though. Some people thought we should have done generic cards and got them out sooner.

My friends went out in a week and were short identical computer print outs. Some people, including the ones who moaned about our personal cards, moaned they were too generic and didn't feel like a true thank you.

Another friend texted...again wrong in some eyes.

As long as you get one then that's good in my book. So often I give gifts (not direct to the person) to certain people and don't even get a text or a thank you when I see them. They just expect it and when I stopped giving, were surprised.

OfGurls Thu 17-Nov-16 13:28:46

Thanks everyone wide variety there. I thought the best man's speech was very diggy at the groom so I do wonder if theymight have fallen out and kept it as "payment". It's on my mind but I don't want to ask

Candlestickchick Thu 17-Nov-16 14:26:40

ofgurls I agree with the others that you should get a thank you card but it may take longer than 2 months. Best man's speeches are often quite harsh and I certainly would hope he wouldn't steal a wedding gift just because the groom didn't like the speech.

Do you know any of the other guests to ask if they got a card yet?

RuskBaby Thu 17-Nov-16 14:30:22

I attended 4 weddings one year, we got 1 thank you! We made sure to send thank you cards but it seems not many do.

EatSleepTeachRepeat Thu 17-Nov-16 14:31:23

A friend of mine got married at the beginning of the year and waited for her professional photos to arrive so she could use a photograph on her cards. The photographer dragged his heels and she has only sent them out fairly recently.

Personally we just made matching ones when we made our invites and sent them out within around a month. Though o also sent a text out a few days after the wedding which most people said was enough. Different strokes for different folks

Sammysquiz Thu 17-Nov-16 14:31:48

I'd give it a few months, though some people just don't send them which I find really rude. Doesn't take that long - when we got back from honeymoon we just bought several packs of thankyou cards & churned them all out in one evening. People had been so generous, I would've hated to not express my gratitude.

BusterTheBulldog Thu 17-Nov-16 14:35:18

We were also ones that took ages to send, I feel awful. I have spoken to most people to say thanks anyway! We waited for official pics but didn't want our photographer to do thank you cards (extortionate cost with limited options) and convinced us not having them made them take even longer. Probably got them about 5 months after wedding! Sent out in drinks and drabs.

I'd say we have had 50/50 thank you'd from other weddings.

Sonders Thu 17-Nov-16 14:44:10

I got married in September and just getting round to thank you cards now. Reasons are because we wanted an official wedding photo for the front of the card (which arrived 2 weeks ago) and the presents from the wedding list hadn't arrived (they have now).

So by the time we get them designed, printed and I've written lovely notes, it'll probably be another 2 weeks. I'd love to do it sooner but just don't have time.

I wouldn't be offended at all though if one of my guests sent a message to double check we got the gift ok!

Hissy Thu 17-Nov-16 16:52:00

"Just don't have time"
"Got busy"
"Too disorganised"

Pathetic excuses in the main.

Just as well those who stumped up for the hen/wedding/hotel/gift weren't as lax, you'd not have had any gifts or attendees at your "big day"

It takes very little effort to get post cards, or paper and envelopes and write a dozen notes.

You're married, there are 2 of you, you can divide it up.

You don't have to wait until the wind is blowing in the right direction, the planets are aligned, your wedding booty is delivered or a photo hand illuminated by medieval monks.

people won't hang onto your authographed wedding pictures, they just need a show of manners and recognition that they matter enough to you for you to make time to send a proper thank you.

ForexTrader Thu 17-Nov-16 18:13:06

Hissy you are brilliant. So true.

iklboo Thu 17-Nov-16 18:17:22

Our thank you cards got blown up. We posted them & before they could be collected some little shits vandals posted a handful of bangers into the postbox.

We did send out a second batch but not until a few weeks later.

MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity Thu 17-Nov-16 18:31:35

Ours took ages. Our photographer took almost 4 months to give us our photographs. Then we had to get the thank you cards printed and returned to us. Also, writing out personal thank you notes to about 200 guests does take some time, particularly when you're busy working, looking after 3 kids, paying back the blooming huge sums of money you still owe from the big day.... I HATED our thank you cards by the time we got the last one delivered.
Apparently, proper Wedding etiquette says up to 6 months is acceptable. Bit long right?

FrancisCrawford Thu 17-Nov-16 18:54:29

I don't get "I was too busy" excuse.

How long does it take to write a few lines thanking the present giver? It's all about priorities and sending the message that you are too busy to spend five minutes penning a few lines is rude. Between bride and groom, the task isn't exactly onerous.

If you are going abroad on honeymoon, take a notepad and pen each with you and you can write a good amount on the plane.

Don't spend money on getting cards printed with a wedding photo - your guests were there, they probably took their own photos and the card you spent your hard earned cash on is just going in the bin within a day or too.

Lovelybangers Thu 17-Nov-16 19:00:38

I'm still waiting for a thank you for cash at a wedding we went to 18 months ago, and for another (more generous cars gift as family member) 4 years ago.

Very rude.

Lovelybangers Thu 17-Nov-16 19:01:36

Not CARS gift

Cars would be a tad ostentatious as gifts. grin

meditrina Thu 17-Nov-16 19:05:31

Of course a thank you letter is needed. Because only then can you be sure they actually received it, and if sent directly from the retailer that they sent the right thing (not for example 6 glasses when you ordered a dozen). And it has to be timely, so it can be chased and put right if necessary.

And of course it's the right and friendly thing to do.

As is the sending of thanks from guests to whoever is the formal host of any party following the wedding.

purpleprincess24 Thu 17-Nov-16 19:38:49

I have a similar issue but not really sure what to

Family member in the US had a baby recently

Ordered them an expensive gift (£200+) which was to be delivered by FedEx

On the tracking info it just says 'parcel left on or near doorstep'

Now that was 2 weeks ago and I'm a bit concerned, I know they have a wee one and I really don't mind if it takes them months to send a thank you, BUT what if they haven't received it at

trinity0097 Thu 17-Nov-16 19:39:37

I've been to three weddings this year, no thank yous from any of them!

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