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To think Mrs Topsy and Tim

(150 Posts)
Boundaries Wed 16-Nov-16 17:30:14

is supremely annoying.

As are "the twins"


NunntheWiser Wed 16-Nov-16 17:31:59

I wrote this a while back.

I hate Topsy and Tim's mum.

I really do. I hate everything about her. Here are some examples:

Topsy and Tim's house

Topsy and Tim want to make robots out of boxes in the middle of a house move

Topsy and Tim's mum: That's a brilliant idea, my twintastic twins! Let me help you with some foil and some glue.

My house

Toddler wants to play with the fingerpaints again. This involves approximately 15 minutes of setting up, for a full three seconds of play, until she screams because she has paint on her hands, and is then followed by 15 minutes of clearing up.

Me: No. Have some chocolate.

Topsy and Tim's house

Topsy and Tim are sad they had to put the tent away.

Topsy and Tim's mum: Never mind, my twintabulous twins! Let's make a cool den indoors with sheets and some clothes airers!

My house

Toddler cries because we had to turn the TV off/ put our shoes on / take our shoes off/ come inside / go outside / the cat wouldn't let her lick his face.

Me: Stop whining. Here. Have some chocolate.


I mean, seriously, she's just making the rest of us look bad. She never loses her temper. She never says no. She never says, "Hang on, I'm just on Facebook." She even lets them keep a pet rabbit. And all this in the middle of moving house.

One day when Topsy and Tim's nursery school had to close down for the day, Topsy and Tim's mum invited the whole fucking nursery school class to her house. Her house! She did this whilst smiling, looking gorgeous, and having some really good ideas about how to entertain fifteen little bastards.

And she has twins! Twins! Two of the little fuckers.

In addition, Topsy and Tim's mum looks gorgeous. Well-groomed, well-dressed and perfectly made up. If I were her, with two pre-school fuckwads to look after, I would have a bald patch from repetitive stress hair-pulling, would be at least three stone overweight and may well have developed Tourette's. Well, at least that's what I would tell the neighbours to excuse the fact that every third sentence contained the words "fucking little cockweasels".

They probably wouldn't use me to make a pre-school kids' show.

I like to think she's nice on the outside, but it's all bubbling away inside, eating away at her. One day, they'll broadcast "Topsy and Tim's Mum Goes Postal". And it'll be the policeman asking Topsy, "Are you good at remembering? What sort of weapon was Mummy holding? The answer is behind Mr Nibbles..."

Boundaries Wed 16-Nov-16 17:34:47

"Great Game"

<locks T&T in a cupboard>

PerryHatter Wed 16-Nov-16 17:34:49

The best is when she buys an expensive box of cupcakes for their birthday party. The twins fight and end up dropping them and ruining them. Usually, a parent would rage over this. Mum just sends them to their room then goes up and asks them do they want to come eat cupcakes hmm

JuneFromBethesda Wed 16-Nov-16 17:38:15

She's on valium. No parent is that smiley and beatific all the time hmm

SquatBetty Wed 16-Nov-16 17:39:56

But why does she always appear to only wear beige, white and pale grey?? Maybe the dull colours help her calm temperament?

PotteringAlong Wed 16-Nov-16 17:40:44

Valium and gin I reckon...

Boundaries Wed 16-Nov-16 17:40:49

She did end up having to do the sex with Max Branning from EastEnders I suppose. That's some justice.

I agree about the Valium.

frauleinsallybowles Wed 16-Nov-16 17:41:40

Please do not start me on topsy and tims mum i absolutly hate every single thing about her........ but worse is wolly and

iamamickey Wed 16-Nov-16 17:44:12


Laughing at this thread and my lads want to know what their normally grumpy bitch mum is laughing at.

I agree, she lets those weird away with mirder.

Excited101 Wed 16-Nov-16 17:46:29

It's not just the Mum though- it's all the adults!

onemouseplace Wed 16-Nov-16 17:46:30

To be fair, in that cupcake episode she does look like she is barely holding onto her shit though!

PeteHornberger Wed 16-Nov-16 17:46:36

"Fucking little cockweasels" gringringringringringrin

Completely agree with everything said so far.

FizzBombBathTime Wed 16-Nov-16 17:46:38

Why is the girl called topsy? Is it a nickname or is that supposed to be her actual name?

Cocacolaandchocolate Wed 16-Nov-16 17:46:51

Brilliant thread!
Mrs Topsy and Tim must be high all the time!

PotteringAlong Wed 16-Nov-16 17:48:32

It also bugs me that Tansy, the (adopted) sister who was in the books has been written out of the tv show.

gallicgirl Wed 16-Nov-16 17:49:58

The original book was written in the 60s. They all had weird names then.

I seem to recall the book characters having slightly more, well, character. However, the passage of 35 years may have dinted my memory somewhat.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Wed 16-Nov-16 17:50:14

Perry that episode gives me the rage! They'd been fucking about for ages, all she does is sighs and then suggests they go to their room.

I agree though, it's all the adults on there, they all seem weirdly wonderfully appreciative of the inherent brilliance of children. When they moved into their new house and the neighbours came round and said 'we've never had twins on them road before <squee>'. Just no.

froomeonthebroom Wed 16-Nov-16 17:50:26

nun have a wine

<backs away slowly> grinwink

Boundaries Wed 16-Nov-16 17:51:19

In episode today, she gave the twatastic twins apple rings at school pick up. They pretended spectacles with them.

*Then Topsy jumped up and down and split her stitches and all her inside spilled all over the playground. Everyone shrieked except Tim because he hasn't got his stupid fucking blue glasses yet.

*any relation to actual T&T is purely coincidental

FizzBombBathTime Wed 16-Nov-16 17:51:34

ItsNice those neighbours struck me as keys in the bowl type people

Sammysquiz Wed 16-Nov-16 17:51:38

It's a shame they've stopped making them - she was pregnant in the last series & I was looking forward to seeing if the twins + newborn combo finally sent her over the edge.

StripyHorse Wed 16-Nov-16 17:55:55

YANBU. Dd2 is getting headphones for Christmas so she can watch it on get tablet without me hearing it.

And why does she always name both of them ALL THE TIME? If my dds ask me a question and they are listening to me, I just answer, but with her it's all "yes of course Topsy and Tim", "what a good idea Topsy and Tim".

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Wed 16-Nov-16 17:56:39

Fizz you have a point. Thinking about it, I think the whole lot of them may be at it.

user1471461752 Wed 16-Nov-16 17:58:18

Have they stopped mKing them now then? I didn't know that.

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