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To feel so sad and worried.

(4 Posts)
sam2069 Wed 16-Nov-16 13:08:42

DS1 (19) asked to borrow a suitcase yesterday. I said "Yes, what for?" He replies. "Because I'm leaving on Sunday."
Gobsmacked. Stunned. Devastated.
He has been saying for a while that he wants to leave (his bf and his gf have both gone off to uni this year) so in a way I'm not surprised now. But get this - he has no job, no income, what does he think he's doing?
He has a friend in the next city who says he can live with. I don't even know if he'll have his own room (he doesn't know either).
I know that all kids have to grow up and leave home but I just think he is so unprepared. He's very naive (on the autistic spectrum) and penniless. He says he has a job interview for a part time job in next city, whereas bar a brief stint at McDonald's has not worked since leaving school 3 years ago and has dropped off 2 college courses (the 2nd of which I had to fight tooth and nail on his behalf to get him on). I despair!
On the other hand DS2 (16) is delighted (they share a bedroom) and is asking for a double bed! Got to laugh at that one, so sense of humour not gone.
So, I know he has to grow up and he'll probably come home with his tail between his legs at some point, but I'm so upset and worried for him...

Mrsgingermum Wed 16-Nov-16 13:14:09

Sounds like you have good reason to worry, but I think it may be a case of let him find out for himself. All you can do is ensure you are there for him if he needs help. And maybe go and buy a run opener and some tinned food to ensure he can eat.

SecretPeanut Wed 16-Nov-16 13:23:44

Its natural to worry.

When i was 17 i was dating this guy, had been for a while, staying at his flat most days. One day i went home and said to Mum i'm moving out, obviously she wasn't happy but i think she realised it was going to happen one day.

IMO young adults of that age don't pay much attention to how our parents are going to feel, we are just excited at the thought of moving out.

Mine and the bf's situation wasn't exactly stable emotionally or financially but mum kept a close eye. The relationship didn't work out, but i didn't go home. Moving out when i did, did teach me to stand on my own two feet, i made some massive mistakes along the way. But i learnt to face and deal with the big bad world.

I think you just need to keep a close on him and have an open door if he needs it.

sam2069 Wed 16-Nov-16 19:28:40

I'm just feeling sad I suppose, I knew it would happen one day but it just seems to have come round too quick.

Trying to be practical, I'm going to give him some money for couple of weeks of groceries (!), I'm offering towels, bed linen etc and I've been keeping pans, dishes, kitchen stuff for years for when they leave. It's all on offer if he wants it.

He just seems so young and helpless but he's probably been manipulating me all along so he doesn't have to help me in any way lol. Oh well, he's gonna have to learn the hard way. Sigh.

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