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How would you deal with this?

(91 Posts)
Flossyfloof Wed 16-Nov-16 09:55:43

I bet when written down this seems really insignificant it it is so irritating!
I have an acquaintance who, I know, likes me more than I like her. I find her hugely irritating but try not to show it. She has this habit of correcting people. She thinks she is highly intelligent and comments often on how thick others are. I think this is relevant.
Two examples that happened recently - we were talking about advent calendars and I was laughing about the crappy ones we used to have in the 60's. Cardboard, no chocolates or anything behind the doors, just a picture of a ball or something and you always opened 24 early - always to find Jesus Mary and Joseph behind the door of no 24. She leapt in and corrected me "25!" We didn't have 25 doors, we had 24 and I just repeated that - but why correct me in the first place? It just doesn't matter! And she was wrong anyway!
Later, we were talking about a knitting stitch. For the knitters amongst you, I said I dislike rib but really hate moss stitch. She leapt in and said "they're the same thing". They are not - the action is the same but the feel is different because you are kind of going against the grain with moss stitch so it is more awkward, I think.
It really gets on my tits, it interrupts the flow of conversation and I find it rude.
How would you deal with it? Without falling out?
( no idea how long this is, I'm on my phone, can't see! Hope a few people manage to get to the end!! )

Flossyfloof Wed 16-Nov-16 09:56:28

Sorry I've just realized I have done one of my pet hates - no clue in the title as to the subject. Sorry.

OwlinaTree Wed 16-Nov-16 10:02:45

I hate people correcting each other when it doesn't affect the point, eg first example in op. Second eg she's just wrong.

When someone is doing the first type, I say does it matter if it was Thursday or Friday, the food was great at the pub was the point here! (or whatever).

Sometimes the second type you have to agree to disagree (secretly knowing you are right!) grin

SantinoRice Wed 16-Nov-16 10:02:46

I had one of these at work. So glad I don't work in an office anymore! She sounds insecure, which is not your problem to fix, and you'd struggle in any case. You can't change it, so try & change how you feel about it.

Like, If your colleague had a flatulence problem, every time she farted you'd probably try to pretend you hadn't noticed & maybe change the subject. Treat every incorrect correction as a fart.

Also, you are not wrong about moss stitch grin total PITA.

beelover Wed 16-Nov-16 10:05:16

I think the best way to deal with this sort of comment is to totally ignore it, act as if nothing has been said. You won't ever get her to back down as she is totally convinced she is always right. I know someone like this, even tried to tell me my own BIL was someone else entirely when he drove past us and waved!
And I agree with you on both your examples, advent calendars did only have 24 doors and I hate moss stitch too which is definitely not the same as rib grin

kissmethere Wed 16-Nov-16 10:06:32

No idea re the knitting. Yanbu but if that was me I'd tell her. Probably along the lines of "stop doing that xx, what makes you the expert on xx?" She probably doesn't realise she's doing it maybe?
She has also wants to seem superior to you all.

greedygorb Wed 16-Nov-16 10:08:36

What she's doing is just rude but she won't stop and she'll get on your tits forever until you realise you'd rather poke your eyes out than spend time with her.

Flossyfloof Wed 16-Nov-16 10:13:30

Thank you. She definitely feels she is intellectually superior to others and I have challenged her before in correcting me about a specific thing when I was using very common and accepted terminology but a bit incorrectly ( like using hoover when the correct term would be vacuum). It was so wearing and frankly made me do it deliberately, all the more because it just didn't matter.

Flossyfloof Wed 16-Nov-16 10:13:55

You are right about poking my eyes out too .

Flossyfloof Wed 16-Nov-16 10:14:54

Brilliant responses, thank you

brodchengretchen Wed 16-Nov-16 10:39:09

Ah, the great Moss St/Rib Divide! She's obviously not your type (she's a bit literal-minded?) and would be happier in a Ravelry group for the congenitally correct.

SuperFlyHigh Wed 16-Nov-16 10:42:12

if she's an acquaintance just limit your contact with her when you're out or if she tries to correct you nod and say yes or 'oh yes that's nice etc'.

massage her ego

BewtySkoolDropowt Wed 16-Nov-16 10:45:35

Yep, 25 days in an advent calendar is relatively new.

And yy to moss stitch and rib being different. Yes, you knit them similarly, but moss stitch is even more of a pita. It's easier to go wrong. Hate them both too fwiw.

shovetheholly Wed 16-Nov-16 10:49:42

I know a couple who are like this - she is very prescriptive and bossy, yet she is often wrong; he is utterly pedantic about the use of minute terminology, despite the fact that the meaning is absolutely clear. I have to maintain a relationship with them, so I just bite my tongue and smile sweetly and chalk it up to social lack of awareness on their part. I also try to keep visits within reasonable bounds so it doesn't become days and days of being ordered around and corrected on the basis of wrong evidence - after 5 days of it, it can become really undermining. grin However, dealing with them has made me realise that I'm quite oversensitive myself to correction (not a good trait), so I sort of see it as good practice at desensitization and being able to take silly things rather less seriously!

To be honest, though, if I didn't have to see them, I would probably give them a wide berth. Can you just gradually turn down the volume on the friendship, seeing her less often until it gradually falls into abeyance?

The alternative, if you value her with a friend in other ways, is to explain gently that your find the behaviour hurtful, and request her not to do it in future. You can be non-aggressive but assertive about this.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 16-Nov-16 10:51:03

24 days in the calendar as it was the countdown - so final one meant tomorrow's the big day.

However we did get excited about what picture it would be (except the bell - that was boring 😂 ).

As you know it is an irritating habit of hers can you not devise a secret 'knobhead bingo' card to count the times, anticipated corrections etc so it amuses you (privately) rather than irritates?

FV45 Wed 16-Nov-16 11:06:17

Advent is the period before Xmas. The 25th IS Xmas so not advent so a proper advent calendar doesn't have 25 days. So there misses point

nicenewdusters Wed 16-Nov-16 11:08:40

I have a lovely friend, who often gets the names of things wrong. I don't correct her, because I know what/who shes means, and even if I do she still says it the same next time !

She's not as bad as your friend, but she does find it hard to be wrong. If she does disagree with me, or I say something I know to be right and she "corrects" me, I repeat myself, she disagrees again, then I say "Ok". I say it breezily, and move on. I'm trying to give the message that I don't agree with her but it's not important. I guess the difference in our situations is that she's a great friend, and this is just a little niggle that I generally ignore.

pregnantat50 Wed 16-Nov-16 11:12:11

I have to interject here....not about your friend, that would annoy the hell out of me, but the old advent calendars. I prefer them to the choccie ones. Mine was covered in glitter and I loved opening the little windows to see th smile

ILoveAutumnLeaves Wed 16-Nov-16 11:12:34

Why on earth do you put yourself through this twattery? Save your sanity & just stop seeing her!

SallyGardens Wed 16-Nov-16 11:13:37

I have a preteen who does the same thing and apparently I was similar as a child blush, though I think I mostly outgrew it

With DC, I say "Does it really matter?" or "That's not the point!" but that just leads to mutterings of how it's important to get things right and they were just trying to be helpful. I think this is what my poor mother must have done with me because it's what goes through my head now when I feel the urge to interject.

SallyGardens Wed 16-Nov-16 11:15:18

And technically Advent is 4 weeks long so 28 days, so neither 24 nor 25 ;)halo

ratspeaker Wed 16-Nov-16 11:22:36

No idea what I'd do other than start avoiding.
Or saying" okaay, so that's your I was saying ..."

Btw moss and rib stitch ARE different, why 2 names if they weren't?
I once foolishly thought knitting a scarf in moss stitch would be a good idea. Never done it again.

Flossyfloof Wed 16-Nov-16 11:23:08

Sorry I haven't been back. Busy creating some Knobhead Bingo cards- great idea.
I think we probably has a couple of calendars with glitter but that must have been later. The pictures weren't all that though. Ball. Bell. Candle. Cracker. Robin if it was a dear one. Tree. What else? That's 6, 7 including baby Jesus.
A teddy? That's 9.

nicenewdusters Wed 16-Nov-16 11:23:54

Pregnant I can still remember the glittery advent calendars we had. Ours was shared between 3, so when it was your day to open it the excitement was almost unbearable ! Happy days smile

nicenewdusters Wed 16-Nov-16 11:25:58

Flossy seem to remember there was often a drum ? A wrapped up present? Snowman?

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