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To wait for baby's passport or not?

(16 Posts)
Babypassport Wed 16-Nov-16 09:39:11

NC as need to give the full situation which is very revealing! More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

My grandmother is nearing the end - the doctor has told us to think in weeks rather than months, but no-one can really be sure how long she has left.

I live abroad with DH and our four month old, who does not yet have a passport. I have just this morning had an application for an emergency passport turned down, but they say the regular passport should be ready next week.

So I don't know whether to go home now and leave the baby with DH, or wait til next week, hope the passport shows up on time so that we can go together. I hate the idea that i won't make it back in time but I also can't bear the idea of leaving the baby. She is ff though so theoretically I could leave her.


humblesims Wed 16-Nov-16 09:40:49

Its hard I lknow, but I would leave the baby with DH and go to your GM.

Minniemagoo Wed 16-Nov-16 09:41:52

I would leave baby and go too but its a hugely personal decision.

superherostrawberry Wed 16-Nov-16 09:43:00

With a FF baby, personally I would go. Your DD has her Dad after all, and they intend to follow on next week. I assume he's a competent father who knows the routines, how to settle DD, will take the appropriate time off work and not palm babysitting off on someone else?

But I appreciate I'm saying this from the viewpoint of having 3 kids, so have become less anxious over time. If this is your first and she is 16 weeks old, I can appreciate that you might feel anxious, in which case you might just have to go with your gut feeling...

Babypassport Wed 16-Nov-16 09:51:23

He's an excellent father. He will have to go to work as normal but his parents would be able to look after the baby during the day and then he'll be there evenings and the weekend.

I know she'll be well looked after, and quite frankly probably happier at home than being carted across the country, but I feel sick at the thought of being so far from her. But if I don't see my Grandma I'll never forgive myself. She could hang on for weeks though, we just don't know.

AuntieStella Wed 16-Nov-16 09:51:57

I would go.

Your DD might miss you, short term, but you will have time and opportunity to make it up to her, and long term she won't even remember.

user1471950254 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:53:55

I would go and see your GM to have as much time with her as you can. It's very difficult for doctor's to estimate these things correctly and it would be horrible for you to miss time saying goodbye. You could Skype with DC & DH allowing your GM to see them too it may help cheer her up. Good luck OP flowers

Greengoddess12 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:53:56

Go, see your gran, you can tell your dd about this time when she's older.


SugarMiceInTheRain Wed 16-Nov-16 09:56:04

I'd leave your DD if I were you. I trekked across the country when my grandmother was in hospital and my DD was 4 months old. Because I had to stop twice en route to comfort/ feed her, I missed seeing my grandmother and she passed away half an hour before I got to her bedside. I was absolutely gutted. So go, you will kick yourself if you miss seeing her. Your DD will be fine with her dad.

HRarehoundingme Wed 16-Nov-16 10:01:41

Can you apply for passport; then fly over without her and DH come over with her when he can?

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 16-Nov-16 10:02:33

I'd go - often weeks =days.

I had sort of the opposite. Aunt was given 3 months and I was going to visit family abroad 3 days later but was very busy in those 3 days. Nearly didn't make the time for 8 hour visit (with baby similar age). Glad I didn't wait until after the 2 week holiday. I visited, flew the next day and she died 3 days later. So 6 days after given 3 months. I hope you get to see her for your own peace of mind x

Wombat87 Wed 16-Nov-16 10:03:51

Honestly, go. I did and I made it with 20minutes to spare before DGM passed. I wish that I was being that dramatic just to cause effect. It cost me £200 I didn't have, it was a last minute decision I made that morning to go. This happened a few months ago and I just can't tell you how grateful I was to have the opportunity for a final goodbye. The fact you are unsure about the baby is normal, but you are clearly torn over the DGM situation. She'll be fine I'm sure. Go go go. smileflowers

Wombat87 Wed 16-Nov-16 10:05:14

And I was told weeks, but as my sister was going I went too. It was less than 24hours. If they have uttered the words 'make her comfortable' then it's likely days.

You'll get over leaving DD, you won't ever forgive yourself if you don't get to say goodbye.

Dobbyandme Wed 16-Nov-16 10:09:09

I was lucky when my GM was very ill that we were able to get there on time and with a 4 week old baby who was bf. My GM passed the day after we saw her. But I found it very difficult having the baby there demanding my attention.

The idea of leaving a baby is awful I know, but at 4 months your DH will be fine, the baby will be fine. But if your GM might not make it until you can get there with the baby I would just go. It's a chance to say goodbye that you won't get again. You would regret that far more than leaving a baby who doesn't know any better, won't remember and who will have a great time with her dad for a relatively short time.

Go Go Go!

Booboostwo Wed 16-Nov-16 10:48:24

My DGM passed a week after I flew out to see her. I was lucky that DD had a passport so she just came with me but in your situation I would leave the baby with DH and go. Can DH follow next week when the passport arrives?

Babypassport Wed 16-Nov-16 11:34:00

Thanks so much for all your messages. The more I read the more I realise I have to go. Am thinking at the moment that I'll go over on my own and then DH will follow with DD once her passport arrives.

It'll take a couple of days to get everything set up though, especially as DH's parents have just left on holiday and it'll take a full day for them to get back. I know they won't mind coming back to help but I feel very guilty asking them!

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