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To lie about the dead pets?

(156 Posts)
AtSea1979 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:13:02

Ok so I told my DD they were hibernating, now I've put cage away she thinks they escaped and went on a rampage or "blew away in the wind" and someone else is looking after them for her.
Do I finally fess up and tell her our beloved stick insects died?
She is off sick at minute and has even made a poster...

ByeByeLilSebastian Wed 16-Nov-16 09:14:41

You should have just told her in the first place. Death is very normal, no need to hide it.

If I was you I would tell her the truth and apologise for not saying so earlier.

AtSea1979 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:15:00

She wants to put the poster on a lamp post, should I let her? Or encourage her to stick (no pun intended) it up a few miles from our house? grin

HelenaWay Wed 16-Nov-16 09:17:59

I think it's really sad that you've lied to her and let her make the poster.

I think you should tell her the truth.

Losingtheplod Wed 16-Nov-16 09:19:14

That's really quite sad, please tell her the truth, and apologise for lying to her. Better that she knows the truth, and is sad for a little while than she is confused, and worried about what has happened to her pets.

AtSea1979 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:20:33

Oh god don't give me the sad confused child image! blush

LittleLionMansMummy Wed 16-Nov-16 09:21:30

Not sure how old she is op, but guessing from the poster she's designed that she's probably old enough to understand death. I don't think you're doing her any favours by lying, sorry. Death and bereavement is horrible, yes, but also a necessary process for children to experience and begin to understand. Ds's hamster died when he was 3. We told him exactly what it meant (not 'he's asleep') and planted flowers that return every year. He's almost 6 now and has a very healthy understanding of death. Far from worrying or scaring him, he accepts it as a normal part of life. I'd rather he learned about it from the death of a pet than have no exposure and have his first experience of it several years down the line with a loved relative. Sorry to labour the point.

Maudlinmaud Wed 16-Nov-16 09:22:17

Just explain that they have died. She may have a wee cry but it's perfectly normal.

Tell her the truth. As sad as losing a pet is, it actually gears them up for people dying (grandparents etc)

Bountybarsyuk Wed 16-Nov-16 09:23:57

Thing is, she'll take it worse now you've told a pack of lies.

However, this isn't parenting crime of the century. I would probably stick with the lie now as it's really confusing if you then confess you lied, at that age I'd keep it simple, 'they probably escaped, let's hope someone else is looking after them'.

If you do decide to tell her they died, she will cry but that's ok. Our desire not to upset our children and not want them to be sad sometimes leads us into these situations, just don't lie next time!

PurpleDaisies Wed 16-Nov-16 09:25:15

I agree with everyone else. I'm not sure how you let her draw the poster without telling her they'd died and wouldn't be coming back. You'd let her stick it'll the poster up and wait patiently for people to bring her pets back? I'm not sure the grin you've put after that sentence is appropriate.

BakeOffBiscuits Wed 16-Nov-16 09:25:44

Yes just tell her you had a phone call from someone who found it and it had died, HT leafy has buried it and it's now in heaven. The tell her it's ok to feel sad and would she like to buy another one at the weekendgrin

BakeOffBiscuits Wed 16-Nov-16 09:26:33

*the lady has buried it

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 16-Nov-16 09:27:53

YBVU. By saying Hes hibernating or someone's looking after him, and indeed letting her make posters. You're giving her false hope that her beloved pet may one day come back.

TiredAndDeadly Wed 16-Nov-16 09:28:09

I'd apologise for lying and tell her the truth.

YelloDraw Wed 16-Nov-16 09:29:00

I'd apologise for lying and tell her the truth.

HardcoreLadyType Wed 16-Nov-16 09:31:33

I think Bake's solution may be the best.

Honestly, your child needs to experience sadness, (and other negative emotions) and know that Mummy will be there for her to comfort her when sad things happen.

You can't shield her from every bad thing, but you can be there to support her when bad things happen.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 16-Nov-16 09:31:52


I don't get the grin with the poster pic, what's funny?

Poor kid

LittleLionMansMummy Wed 16-Nov-16 09:32:10

You're giving her false hope that her beloved pet may one day come back

This is actually quite important too op. As an adult i experienced a young cat that went missing. We put up posters? Went looking for it every day etc. Tbh eventually I'd have preferred to have known it was dead than spend weeks hoping for it to return. I still see cats now and think 'that could be her'.

Summerday11 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:35:19

Iv also had pets when my children are young as I think it's a good way to learn about death . Iv never used the whole long sleep passed away term. I would say I said they were lost as I didn't want to hurt your feelings I'm very sorry , shouldn't have . They died - had a good life we looked after them well etc x

Clandestino Wed 16-Nov-16 09:38:43

Children need to learn about death and be allowed to grieve. You believe you are protecting them but that's not true. Sooner or later they will be confronted with mortality and will go back to your lie and understand you lied to them about their beloved pet.
That's how I would feel. I was sad as a child when my pets died but it helped that I was allowed to grieve for them and say goodbye.

AtMyHouse Wed 16-Nov-16 09:38:45

Letting her live in hope that her beloved pets will come back is far crueller than telling her they've died sad

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess Wed 16-Nov-16 09:42:37

I guess it depends on DC's age. I don't know, tbh. There was a thread the other day about parental lies, where a poster truly believed her hamster had lived to fifteen (it was regularly replaced) and another who was told her goldfish had gone to a local aquarium (and regularly visited 'her' goldfish). Neither seemed particularly traumatised by not being told the truth.

PirateFairy45 Wed 16-Nov-16 09:45:23

Our hamster had to be put asleep on Monday, we told our daughter the truth, she's 3.

It's sad you've lied to your child.

You can't shield your child from everything, death is one of those things.

JoffreyBaratheon Wed 16-Nov-16 09:46:04

One stick insect looks an awful lot like any other...

Just replace them. But tell the truth next time they go belly up.

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