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To think that school just isn't for everyone?

(56 Posts)
Stanky Wed 16-Nov-16 06:57:52

We've been to parents evenings over the last few years, and ds tends to drift and daydream at school. He sometimes sits and does nothing. He's not disrupting any other children, but he just sits there staring into space.

Tbh, I was a bit like this at school. I would just sit there and think that in a hundred years time, none of this will matter, we'll all be dead any way. I couldn't wait for school to be over. I don't mean the school day, I mean that I was counting down the years for it to be over and done with.

I know that's a terrible attitude to have, but I was bullied at school, had no friends and just wasn't interested.

Luckily, I did ok at exams. I don't think that I was clever, but I was just lucky at winging it and passing exams. I didn't revise, stress or panic. I just didn't care.

I do worry a little bit about ds, but I completely relate to him just sitting there, zoning out and doing the bare minimum.

I was never going to be a rocket scientist or a doctor, but I've got a job and I'm content in that regard.

I am grateful for an education, as I believe that everyone should have the right to one, and very bright young people should have the right to higher education, regardless of financial background.

Are there others out there like me, who just sort of day dreamed through school, and didn't really worry about it?

I've never fitted in any where, so maybe not. When I was at school, it seemed that kids were either serious about it, or destructive and disruptive about it.

Lilaclily Wed 16-Nov-16 07:04:04


I happily daydreamed through school and got lost in a massive comp so no one really noticed until my mum did and pulled me out and sent me to a high achieving pressured private school

I was much happier daydreaming grin but I got good grades, went to uni and have a good career, that might not have happened otherwise

Stanky Wed 16-Nov-16 07:06:10

Well done you and your mum. smile

eyebrowsonfleek Wed 16-Nov-16 07:06:14

My 10 year old son is a daydreamer and very popular so goes into school happily.
He's never going to sit on top tables as he struggles with writing. His strengths lie in subjects that they don't teach at school. I think that he'll realise that he's smart when he gets to Further Education and can focus on subjects that interest him. His teachers always say that he's got a great attitude to learning and tries hard and I think that will pay dividends in the future.

RebootYourEngine Wed 16-Nov-16 07:14:34

My ds is the same. He hates school. Finds it boring. However instead of going to school and daydreaming he refuses to go. He is a bright boy but finds school hard. I think he feels a lot of social pressure more than academic pressure.

Stanky Wed 16-Nov-16 07:16:44

I think that there certainly seems to be more pressure on children now from every direction.

LarrytheCucumber Wed 16-Nov-16 07:17:20

YABVU. My youngest son has AS and school definitely wasn't for him. Since leaving school he has done numerous qualifications in his chosen career, but because he chose to do them he has been much happier.
The current education system tries to make everyone the same. I want to start a campaign called 'We are not baked beans '!

LarrytheCucumber Wed 16-Nov-16 07:18:17

That was meant to say YANBU. blush

heron98 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:18:56


I was the same at school and sadly am the same at work blush. I sit at my desk zoning out waiting to retire and not really caring.

I don't really know how to be any different.

heron98 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:20:26

and I am only 35 so have at least another 30 years until I retire...

CancellyMcChequeface Wed 16-Nov-16 07:22:38

YANBU at all. My classmates probably thought I was serious about school, but I hated it - I remember being in primary school, working out how many years I had left, and then wondering what kind of crime someone would have to commit to get that many years in prison. Which is of course appallingly melodramatic, but it does show how I felt about being forced to go to school.

I was a child who really enjoyed learning but the pace of school was all wrong for me and I never had any friends. I daydreamed a lot. I left as soon as I was able, after a few years of regular truancy. I don't think that my attitude, or yours, was 'terrible' - it was a reasonable response to the circumstances we found ourselves in. School really isn't for everyone. Education is important, but I think the narrowness of the system is letting a lot of young people down. I've always said I learnt more from skipping school and spending the day reading science books in the local library than I would have by attending.

I'm almost 30 now and recently started at university - my outlook is completely different because I've freely chosen to be there and I'm studying something that I care about. It's obvious, on my course, who is motivated and who is just there because they felt they had to go on to university.

Stanky Wed 16-Nov-16 07:23:24

I'm glad that he's happier now.

I went to college after school, and I was then able to express myself and make great friends. I also worked a few part time jobs, and it felt great to earn a little of my own money.

I just didn't get school, and I definitely would have been happy to leave at 14. I couldn't wait to grow up.

Scooby20 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:23:43

Yanbu. I don't think it's particularly for me dd. For other reasons. But she wants to go because she lives her friends. If the choice was mine I would home school her.

We did for a while when she was younger but she wanted to go back, she wanted the social side of it. Even though we mixed with other home schooling families and did lots with them, she missed it.

So that's why she is in school. Ds is only 5 (year one) and doing unexpectedly well. I thought he would struggle to concentrate, sit still (even for the small time it's required in year 1) etc. But he isn't. It seems he is one of the ones school was for.

Tbh I really enjoyed school. I was sad to leave.

WannaBeAWarhol Wed 16-Nov-16 07:27:19

My DS1 is the same, he enjoys learning at home but is a total day dreamer at school. I keep him there cos he likes being there but I'm not sure it's the right school for him.

Stanky Wed 16-Nov-16 07:27:48

I've seriously thought about homeschooling, but I know that I wouldn't be able to do the job justice, and I believe that dc need to socialise with children at school.

ivykaty44 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:30:07

One small regimented, narrow, I'll fitted size doesn't fit thousands

witsender Wed 16-Nov-16 07:31:12

Yanbu. Hence taking ours out. wink

MadisonAvenue Wed 16-Nov-16 07:31:33

My 16 year old son was always the same, and once he was in secondary school we were often called in for meetings because he was simply turning up and doing nothing. He'd sit in class and daydream through the lesson and turn in a blank sheet of paper at the end. It was a frequent struggle to even get him out of the house to go in a morning.

However, he started a vocational course at college in September and is loving it. He's enthusiastic and we went to his parents evening last week and his tutors were incredibly positive about him. He works hard, does all that is asked off him, has a fantastic attitude and has an aptitude is chosen career.

School simply wasn't for him.

WomanFromAnotherPlace Wed 16-Nov-16 07:34:34

I don't think YABU, but the teachers do need to try to create engaging and stimulating activities and learning for all. However, it really is difficult for teachers to create differentiated lessons that will reach every learner everytime, but it is in the Teachers Standards that they must do this.
I understand your concerns, and some children are better suited to winging it (as was I), but his teacher needs to recognise she's not captivating all her learners.

I'm going to as the obvious, have you set up a 1:1 meeting with her to discuss this? I always find parents evenings are fine for an overview, but as appointments overrun and the meetings run late into the evening, often there isn't the time to talk strategies.

All the best

PinkiePiesCupcakes Wed 16-Nov-16 07:35:06

I always thought school was a weird place.
Everyone tells ypu how you're special and unique, you're the only you out there a d should be happy with who you are etc etc.
Then they make you dress the same as everyone else, punish you if you stand out and force the same lessons onto you as everyone else.

We ARE all different and a curriculum dreamt up by some faceless people hundreds of miles away is never going to fit everyone. Be like selling Levis in only one size and expecting everyone's fat bum to fit in them.

But as you can tell by my waffle, I didn't do well at edumacationing neither.

Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden Wed 16-Nov-16 07:35:54

YANBU but have you considered he might have Attention deficit disorder. The children who have this without the hyperactivity bit are often missed because they don't disrupt classes.

It could be very important for him in the future for things like driving to be aware of this and treated.

VixenLupin Wed 16-Nov-16 07:48:40

My son was the same at school, as was I.

I've taken him out to home educate him. He does have inattentive type ADHD and ASD.

He is so much happier at home, learning about all the things he wants to rather than sitting doing endless English and Maths (because those SATs are the most important thing ever, according to school) and being ignored and denied help by the school because he's not being disruptive.

He's also got more friends than he ever had at school - he was bullied for being "odd"

Stanky Wed 16-Nov-16 07:59:55

I like the cut of your jib pinkie.

Ineverpromised, it has crossed my mind. I will keep an eye on the situation.

Vixen, I'm glad that your ds is doing better. smile

SharkBastard Wed 16-Nov-16 08:05:38

YWNBU school wasn't for me and it's not for DD. She finds it dull. She excels in the creative side but has little to no enthusiasm for the academic side. She coasts along, struggles a bit with friendships but she's borderline ASD.

I went to uni at 31 and loved it because I got to choose a subject I was interested in. I ducked at school, I was bright but just found it dull.

I don't hold great stock in it anymore, when DD first started I really encouraged her to try and enjoy it, but meh, it's just not for her or me! And I HATE parents evening

SharkBastard Wed 16-Nov-16 08:06:14


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