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To ask DH to give up football season ticket?

(113 Posts)
BasinHaircut Tue 15-Nov-16 19:40:49

DH is a football fan and goes to all home games and likes to attend some away games for his team. I've never minded him going in the sense that we don't have to spend all of our free time together and I like to do things independently too.

However, now we have a 3 yo DS. I've accommodated him keeping up his football interests since DS's birth, and in theory it's only every other weekend for half a day (sometimes longer if he goes for a drink or whatever). I could in theory have the same amount of time to myself. BUT because I don't have a regular interest quite like this, AND obviously we tend to arrange things for us as a family to do in the time that DH isn't at football, in practice that doesn't work out.

It's starting to piss me off that every time I get invited somewhere or want to arrange something, I have to work my life around the football calendar. Whilst me and DH operate a 'first come first serve' on booking time when we need to make sure the other is around for DS, it seems really unfair that effectively half of my weekends for the year are already dictated by this.

AIBU to say to DH that him keeping this up isn't working for me and ask him to give it up?

Mrskeats Tue 15-Nov-16 19:44:08

YANBU in my opinion but I bet I will be in the minority.
Priorities should change when children come along and I bet it costs a fortune too.
This would drive me mad and is why I have a partner who doesn't understand the offside rule smile) I do btw

OlennasWimple Tue 15-Nov-16 19:44:15

Suggest you ask him to cut back on the number of games he goes to rather than give up his season ticket altogether. He might not be able to get one ever again (depending on the club, of course), and this would be a huge step. PLus he wouldn't be first in line for cup tickets anymore (also, depends on the club whether this is a concern...)

Some clubs run schemes where you can let them know if you won't be attending a particular match and they donate the unoccupied seat to a local charity, so it doesn't go to waste.

Is there a compromise position where he shows a bit more flexibility and misses the odd match shock wink.
I don't think it's reasonable that he dictates that all events have to fit around his interests.

228agreenend Tue 15-Nov-16 19:48:00

I don't think he needs to cancel,his season ticket, but learn to accept that he may have to miss a few for family events.

DoinItFine Tue 15-Nov-16 19:48:07

I would certainly expect first dibs on all non-football committed free time.

I would also expect that events of significance to me would be facilitated even if it meant missing football sometimes.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:48:14

For me YABU.

Having a child doesn't mean life should totally change. He's only gone a few hours every other week. Leaving you most Saturday's plus Sunday's as family time. You could have a similar time to yourself if you wished.

Maybe a compromise might be to ask him to go to 2 out of 3 home games, but you would be very unreasonable to ask him to give it up imo.

BasinHaircut Tue 15-Nov-16 19:49:05

It's not that he dictates, rather that just because it's all scheduled upfront, we obviously plan the rest of our lives around it.

Yes I think commuting to less games is probably the way forward, but the downside of that is that he/we will still be paying for all of them and the tightarse in me doesn't like that!

usual Tue 15-Nov-16 19:49:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BasinHaircut Tue 15-Nov-16 19:50:12

Oh and he does miss games for important events, he isn't an arsehole grin

Graphista Tue 15-Nov-16 19:50:36

Compromise definitely, he needs to realise the footy can no longer come first and that you and your child have stuff that needs to take place on the weekends that requires husband to miss footy that week.

Different clubs have different schemes which might be worth looking at.

Also - bear in mind as your son and any future children get older it's perfect for orchestrating some me time for you wink

'Yes! Take the kids to the footy while I head to the spa or out with friends for the day '

BackforGood Tue 15-Nov-16 19:51:00

Just on what you've written in your OP, then I'd say YABU. If you were struggling - both out at work all week, weekend work to be done, no contribution to looking after ds or running the household etc., then I'd say fair enough, but - from what you've written in your OP, it does sound a bit like a bit of foot stamping "Its not fair" rather than actually yit stopping you doing what you want / need to do.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Tue 15-Nov-16 19:52:38

On the positive side it won't be many years before your DS will be old enough to go with him, so you should get the time back then smile

Costacoffeeplease Tue 15-Nov-16 19:52:46

It's not something I would put up with

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Tue 15-Nov-16 19:53:05

Having a child doesn't mean life should totally change

Yeah right hmm of course life changes. YANBU from me. Half a day (or more) every 2 weeks is a lot.

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 15-Nov-16 19:53:09

Get him to take your son too. At done vlubs under 5s are free and junior season tickets are only £99. Then you get your 'me' time. When your DS is old enough to play he'll give up his ticket to watch his son play.

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 15-Nov-16 19:53:49

Some clubs!!! Bloody phone

starrynight19 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:54:33

I think yabu. It's not all year and not even every other weekend.
When your ds is older he may like to join your dh so this could be a non issue soon anyway. My ds joined my dp and df when he was 5.
Also your free time at a weekend will be restricted as your ds gets older with his activities.
If he is prepared to miss games when necessary I don't understand your issue.

Lazyafternoon Tue 15-Nov-16 19:55:33

For me YANBU. It'd piss me off as a quarter of most weekends is taken over by anything.

I understand it's important to have your own interests and when you work and/ team sports it has to be weekends. But priorities should change when you kids. Going to games when it's convenient fine. Missing out on family events or important occasions for football is stupid IMO.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:56:46

Yes WhenSheWasBad I know life changes to some extent which is why I used the words doesn't mean life should totally to make my point hmm

usual Tue 15-Nov-16 19:58:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 Tue 15-Nov-16 20:02:18

If you're invited somewhere when your husband has plans, couldn't you hire a babysitter to watch your son, so you could each do something?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Tue 15-Nov-16 20:03:02

through sorry, I was a bit tetchy. My life has changed soooo much since having kids. I guess I just struggle to believe it's a minor change for some people.

TheTAW Tue 15-Nov-16 20:04:55

It depends which team...

43percentburnt Tue 15-Nov-16 20:06:19

I think Yanbu. Book a college course for next year and see if he is happy providing childcare for 39 lessons.

However why isn't dh taking ds to the game? My 3 yo would be fine to attend a match. In fact if I were keen on football I'd want to take him. (I took him to the theatre as soon as I felt he could sit still for a child's play- just turned 2!)

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