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AIBU to think feeding a 12 year old takeaway 6 days a week is neglect

(161 Posts)
Arrowfanatic Tue 15-Nov-16 18:17:29

Just what the tag says really. The mother is over 20 stone and says she is too tired to cook (single, part time working) and despite being given lots of quick easy healthy recipe suggestions instead will buy pizza, Chinese, kebabs, Indian every night instead. Sometimes 2 takeaways a day on non school days.

Said child is really starting to pile on the pounds as also has free range of junk food in the house.

Mother just says she's too tired to cook and her kids are so fussy they wouldn't eat it anyway. I don't think they have eaten a vegetable or piece of fruit since they were on baby food.

19lottie82 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:18:14

Neglect? No.

Shit parenting, yes.

sooperdooper Tue 15-Nov-16 18:20:52

Yes I do think that's neglect, poor kid, think of the health implications - and also it'd cost a fortune!!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Tue 15-Nov-16 18:22:00

Neglect? Yes. Shit parenting? Yes. This is clearly already causing the children health problems, from the OP's account.

I wonder if the mother is depressed. It certainly sounds as if there should be some kind of intervention to help the whole family.

OohhThatsMe Tue 15-Nov-16 18:23:47

I wonder if she's diabetic. That would explain the tiredness.

Is this a friend of yours, OP? Could you talk to her?

BikeRunSki Tue 15-Nov-16 18:24:09

What happens on the 7th day?

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Tue 15-Nov-16 18:24:43

How to approach it, though? I doubt social services would do a great deal, and the woman doesn't sound open to advice.

Nataleejah Tue 15-Nov-16 18:24:43


DontTouchTheMoustache Tue 15-Nov-16 18:24:57

How does anyone afford this much takeaway?

ShteakandShpuds Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:06

Why don't you offer to cook meals for her if you're so bothered about their diet?
Or is it easier for you to post pointless threads on MN to boost your own ego as you're obviously a superior parent?

sonlypuppyfat Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:17

I know one little girl who has chips every single day

BabyGanoush Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:32

She must be quite well-off to be able to afford that many takeaways !!!

Thisjustinno Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:53

It depends what you mean by neglect. Neglect of nutritional needs - yes. Neglect that anyone else will really care about (in the absence of any other potential neglect or abuse) no.

PaperdollCartoon Tue 15-Nov-16 18:27:04

Yes this is neglect, the child isn't being fed properly and will very likely become overweight. It's endangering her health.
But perhaps mum really doesn't know how to cook or what to feed a child, I'd been unsure what to do in this situation.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 15-Nov-16 18:27:27

If people didn't post pointless threads we'd have very little to read on here!

Eevee77 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:28:09

As PP said, who can afford that!? Is this just gossip or exaggeration? I suspect so.

BabyGanoush Tue 15-Nov-16 18:28:23

Maybe on the 7thday she has dinner at OPs house grin

MoonriseKingdom Tue 15-Nov-16 18:28:52

If she can afford that many takeaways would she consider getting some ready meals instead? Home cooking is preferable but it is possible to eat reasonably healthily if you select carefully.

Are there any family members who could get the child interested in cooking/ healthy eating. They are at an age where they may well be feeling conscious of their weight/ appearance.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 15-Nov-16 18:30:30

I'm no expert as to whether it'd be serious neglect, but it doesn't sound good, nutritionally or financially.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Tue 15-Nov-16 18:31:12

I have a friend who feeds her daughter shite. Three, four takeaways per week, deep fried stuff the rest of the time. She was brought up the same way, and doesn't know how to cook. She just doesn't see an issue with it, and it's easier for her than trying to deal with fussiness over trying new things.

I offered to help her with making a few cheap, simple meals, but she said there was no need to worry but she appreciated the offer. I left it at that. Could you offer to do something similar? More constructive than posting on here.

PilkoPumpPants Tue 15-Nov-16 18:31:46

babygrin, or maybe she saves a small amount of takeaway from each evening and on the 7th day they make their own takeaway with the leftovers.

I love leftover takeaway. This thread has made me starving.

user1479139212 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:34:36

Yes I would call it neglect. She is not meeting his nutritional needs and because of her neglectful parenting he will probably have health problems into his adulthood.

Not caring about your child's health because you're admittedly too lazy is neglect.

MissVictoria Tue 15-Nov-16 18:34:37

It's a difficult one. She's providing food for her child, albeit not the healthiest option. There's no saying any meal she is capable of cooking herself would nutritionally be any better. Really the problem is more likely to be the portion sizes. A 12 year old shouldn't be on a full kebab/pizza indian take away meal etc. Its simply too much food, but it's what the child is now accustomed to, and i doubt if she ordered a small rather than a large the kid would take it very well. Bad parenting, yes. Neglect, i couldn't stretch to because she is making sure her kids are fed.

PilkoPumpPants Tue 15-Nov-16 18:35:18

op your aware it's neglect, of course it is. You can't really do much about it though. Social services probably won't do much, they're stretched enough as it is.

If it's that bad then have a serious talk with her. They are probably addicted to the food now after having it so often.

Bluntness100 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:37:33

Are you related or someway connected to this person?

I don't think it's neglect no, but it is bad parenting in terms of diet. Some people just don't know. I have friends who own a fast food outlet, and they have lost count of the times mothers come in and buy something and then simply hand it to the baby in the buggy to eat as their dinner. That's it, job done, it's shit.

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