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to move with no real plan

(10 Posts)
FourToTheFloor Tue 15-Nov-16 16:05:24

I want a change. I love London but it's grinding me down. Dh isn't particularly fussed, he'd stay here as his family is close enough (Ireland) but I feel it's time to leave the UK

AIBU to insist on this. I've spent 7 years here, had 2 dc with fuck all support, put the security of family first but now I am desperate.

AIBU to wish I could have the confidence I had pre dc to move instead of feeling trapped here in my 'safe' life.

AndShesGone Tue 15-Nov-16 16:12:01

What sort of change?

Seaside? (Brighton) Mountains? (Far away) ?

MackerelOfFact Tue 15-Nov-16 16:15:36

What about your life will change if you move? Will you get more support? Will your needs be better met? Will the things that grind you down about London cease to grind you down? What will be better?

By all means explore the options regarding living overseas if that's what you want, but I don't think moving abroad is the magic cure-all that some imagine it to be.

FourToTheFloor Tue 15-Nov-16 16:17:22

Change of country. I want to be near family. London has been fab for dh career but surprisingly not mine.

But we have a home here, secure jobs and 2 dd. I swing between wanting to be selfish (and thinking it's best for the dc ) and leaving to thinking it seems to hard to go.

FourToTheFloor Tue 15-Nov-16 16:18:41

Oh sorry I should have put in OP we're both not from here and it was a compromise when we moved here blush

AndShesGone Tue 15-Nov-16 16:59:34

Which country? Do you both speak the language? Do your dd's?

Sounds fab. If you say which country it is people who are living there at the moment might chime in with what jobs are like there at the moment, housing availability etc

FourToTheFloor Tue 15-Nov-16 18:22:13

Australia or Ireland. We can't get unbiased opinions because our families and friends want us home so are telling us only the positive! We know both countries are expensive, I think salaries are slightly higher in Australia but feel a little...behind in Australia.

Ireland would mean keeping my job which I like but I'm not really progressing in unfortunately.

ChipmunkSundays Tue 15-Nov-16 18:36:42

I think it´s never a good idea to move without a plan. You need the practicalities to be covered (jobs, somewhere to live, some idea of how you are going to adjust to the new system). But just as importantly I think you need a real sense of purpose regarding your reasons for moving to somewhere. Hatred/boredom of where you are now is never a good sole reason to move. So by all means move because you think "X country will be better because we will have a bigger house, shorter commute, countryside nearby, better schools, family nearby even though we will miss the museums/shops/theatres/higher salaries/family friends we have here". But moving purely on the basis of a vague "grass must be greener" feeling is a bad idea, and can lead to a real feeling of let-down once you arrive and old challenges are replaced by new.

Why not make a list of all the positives of Ireland and Australia versus the positives of London, plus any negatives of all three, and see how that leaves you feeling?

FourToTheFloor Tue 15-Nov-16 19:16:44

Really Chipmunk, you don't think boredom or hating somewhere is good enough reason to leave? We've done pros and cons and definitely London loses out. But we still are. We seem to be stuck here.

I'm going to try again with dh tonight. I just need a change and the spontaneous side of me wants to stick the house on the market and hope for the best (flip a coin?)

ChipmunkSundays Wed 16-Nov-16 10:48:34

No, I do think it´s an excellent incentive to start thinking about leaving! But I think that if you up sticks and leave purely on the basis of hating where you are now, that it can be a real shock to arrive in the new place and discover that while you may have left some bad things behind you there are other bad things in the new place. And things like no friendship network, no good job, DC missing "home" and their own friends and schools, housing issues, culture clashes, just the sheer bewilderment at having to adapt to a new system, the massive expense of moving etc. can all be a big strain. I speak from experience.

One thing that jumps out is that you don´t say much about what you don´t like in your current situation, just that you are bored and are not progressing in your career. You say you love London, that you have secure jobs, a family house. What don´t you have that you would like? Do you think that Ireland or Australia could realistically supply those things?

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