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Should DH muddle through with a chest infection?

(131 Posts)
coffeecuppa Tue 15-Nov-16 09:36:35

My DH has form for being lazy and used to be a compulsive liar (had counselling in September so I have to assume all things are ok in that respect now). I've posted about him on here before, under a different username. Decided to NC for good as the previous one was easy to work out.

Anyway. He started a new job in July and has 6 months' probation. During probation he doesn't get sick pay. He had a couple of sick days over the past few months, one for a cold and one for a bad back, and he claims he didn't know he didn't get sick pay.

He's now been off since Thursday, and will probably be off the rest of the week. He was diagnosed yesterday with a chest infection and has antibiotics. Has a pretty gross cough.

For reference, he has failed probation two previous times - once directly because of taking time off sick when he hurt his back - resulting in us having next to no income for months at a time. I'm a SAHM trying to start freelancing, so I'm not really able to contribute to finances on a regular basis, though since August I've put all my earnings (about £1,500) into the JA. DS is 14 months and goes to nursery Wednesdays and Thursdays. I don't get much opportunity to do any freelance work apart from those days.

We're already struggling with finances and next month is going to be even worse as DH will be 7 days poorer. Plus there's the issue of him being in his probation, a time when he's meant to pull out all the stops and convince his employer he's worth keeping - something he's struggled with in the past.

Here's the AIBU: should I expect DH to make the effort to go into work with a chest infection? He's well enough to laugh at Facebook, nip to the shops to buy beer and sweeties, play Xbox, chuck DS up in the air, etc. He has a desk job, he drives to work.

I'm sure he's feeling rotten, but I had a chest infection and sinus infection at the same time back in August and I still had to muddle through looking after a baby all day (and night) long!

There are deeper relationship issues at play here but I guess I'm looking for some advice.

AIBU to hope DH would muddle through with a chest infection so that a) he won't lose his job and b) we aren't as up shit creek financially next month? :S

MrsHathaway Tue 15-Nov-16 09:56:27

This year my chest infection turned into pneumonia and I was flat on my back for a fortnight (for a few days so delirious I didn't recognise the DC).

I'd be tempted to say he should spend one day properly resting - pyjamas on, in bed, preferably asleep, taking medicine on schedule, chicken soup and orange juice. That's what actually aids recovery. No need to go downstairs let alone to the shop.

If he isn't prepared to be bored for a day, he can fuck off to work and suck it up. If he is prepared to work at getting better, fine.

jimijack Tue 15-Nov-16 10:03:00

I'm marvelling at how tolerant and patient you are with him.

I'd have his balls on a plate way before now, I'm afraid to say I would be tempted to think he is taking the piss out of everyone and doesn't give a flying fuck about keeping a job or contributing to the well-being of his family.

If he were mine, he would be back at his mother's or on someone's couch somewhere, I could not tolerate such selfishness.

WorraLiberty Tue 15-Nov-16 10:07:49

He sounds like he's taking the piss to be honest.

If his working track record is that bad, can you swap roles?

So that he becomes the SAHP and you go out to earn the money?

ElphabaTheGreen Tue 15-Nov-16 10:25:20

He's well enough to laugh at Facebook, nip to the shops to buy beer and sweeties, play Xbox, chuck DS up in the air, etc. He has a desk job, he drives to work.

That's the answer right there. Lazy arse needs to go to work. While I'm partly in agreement with the PP who has suggested you swap roles so he becomes the SAHP, I wouldn't want someone that idle looking after my child/ren. They'd end up parked in front of the TV all day while he got on with his Xboxing.

BreatheDeep Tue 15-Nov-16 10:31:41

If he's well enough to do all that he's well enough to go to work. I had a chest infection recently and it was effort enough to keep my head up to watch some TV! Couldn't even concentrate on mumsnet....
He needs to get back to work.

Allthewaves Tue 15-Nov-16 10:35:44

If he's well enough to nip to shops to buy and presumably drink beer then he's well enough for work.

Sirzy Tue 15-Nov-16 10:38:03

Well he shouldn't be drinking on antibiotics anyway.

If he is well enough to be up and doing that then he should be pushing on and at least trying to go to work. Doesn't sound like it is a particularly bad infection thankfully

JaniceBattersby Tue 15-Nov-16 10:43:57

Beer?! Who drinks when they're too ill to go to work? Someone who's not too ill to go to work.

I have to be physically unable to get out of bed to not go to work. I've worked through four pregnancies, with hideous sickness, PGP and anaemia in all of them. Total days off sick = 3.

I've no sympathy for lazy arses. I know chest infections can be bloody awful, but it doesn't sound like this one is.

44PumpLane Tue 15-Nov-16 10:52:59

When I started my last job I came down with a severe chest infection and bout of sinusitis- I was getting handover training from someone at the other end of the country to where I live so was staying in a hotel and working all hours- I arranged a GP apt with a local surgery, picked up some antibiotics and bloody well got on with it! Over the weekend I lay in bed guzzling fluids and sleeping and then back to the other end of the country the following Monday.

Now is the time to make a good impression and this is his 3rd bout of sickness in under 6 months- no wonder he keeps failing probationary periods!!

harderandharder2breathe Tue 15-Nov-16 11:39:36

Yanbu

He's taking the piss

coffeecuppa Tue 15-Nov-16 11:44:00

Hi, sorry for the slow reply, I was out at a baby group with DS.

You're all absolutely correct. I was half expecting (hoping?) to get some flaming, saying I should be more sympathetic, but I'm both relieved and saddened that you agree with me that he's taking the piss.

WorraLiberty and ElphabaTheGreen, I wouldn't trust him to be a SAHD, unfortunately. He will, without fail, plonk DS down in front of the TV and he'll be lounging on the sofa on his phone. He is a lazy man. I have to suggest/hint/outright ask/beg him to take DS out at the weekend, and even then it's only ever to the park (10 minutes' walk) or into town so DH can buy sweets. No imagination. No effort. It doesn't even cross his mind that he should read to DS, or give him different toys to play with, or give him the opportunity to experience different environments/situations/etc.

To the others who commented with their experiences of illnesses – It certainly doesn't sound like DH has a 'proper' chest infection. He has a pretty nasty cough, but then he always has (got given nasal sprays by the GP a few years ago to try to cure his ever-present cough - never took them).

I am going to have to talk to him about this. Where/how do I draw the line? If I suggest he goes to work tomorrow and he says no, do I ask him to leave? Is it even fair to do that when he's ill? sad

Twinkletowedelephant Tue 15-Nov-16 11:47:15

Dh has a chest infection he also doesn't get sick pay. He's at work, he had to move 250 chairs up 4 flights of stairs this morning.

I have asked him to have a couple of days off...but he sees it as taking away DC's Xmas presents sad

coffeecuppa Tue 15-Nov-16 11:52:10

Twinkletowedelephant, bless you and your husband, he sounds lovely! See, that's the kind of dedication to job/family that I would like to see in my husband. He says he can't go into work as he gets a bit out of breath talking, and he has to use the phone for work. I should suggest he lugs 250 chairs instead, since talking on the phone is clearly too strenuous.

Hope your DH feels better soon! flowers

RuggerHug Tue 15-Nov-16 12:32:49

I went into work twice with pneumonia and once with bronchitis because I had to. It was horrible, I passed out the second I hit the bed when I came in but it had to be done. Unless you're going to say he's working a physically demanding job out in the elements then he can go in.

Daisiesandgerberas Tue 15-Nov-16 12:43:48

Wow.

My chest infection turned into an irritated airway which went to bronchitis which then turned into asthma which I'd never had a sign of before.

I wish I could have walked to the shops!

Have you seen his antibiotics with a recent date?

Candlelight123 Tue 15-Nov-16 12:45:04

He's taking the piss, he sounds like a lazy bastard who has form for taking lots of sick days. If he's on probabtion and already had several sick days he's going to be lucky if he keeps his job. Maybe if he hadn't previously had a day off with a cold it wouldn't have been so bad to take one now with a chest infection.
A desk based office job is not physically hard.

Sirzy Tue 15-Nov-16 12:45:55

I think it sounds like this is at risk of being "the straw that broke the camels back" so yes I think if he refuses to go to work tomorrow then reconsidering the future is a good step

YelloDraw Tue 15-Nov-16 12:50:05

Well when I had a chest infection I was off for quite some time - was proper sick, temp, couldn;t breathe, cough etc.

But he sounds like a bit of a lazy dick TBH - how on earth do you fail your probation except by being a lazy looser?

SexNamesRFab Tue 15-Nov-16 12:52:32

I am at work witha chest infection. I don't get paid for time off and it's my second day in a new job. I cried when my doctors wouldn't give me an out of hours appt this morning. Instead of taking time off work I've dragged myself in and have found a private clinic who will see me tonight. It's awful but I really want this job and our family needs the money. You DH is TTP. The antibiotics should have kicked in after a couple of days, leaving him able to get to work.

PinkSwimGoggles Tue 15-Nov-16 12:55:06

yanbu
sounds like he's taking the piss.
ab's seem to be working and he sounds well enough to sit the the office and work (unless it's hard physical labour).
he needs to put his family's need into account.

can you do something else in addition to your freelance work. given that (d)h might soon be out of work (again) childcare should be sorted...

Mlb123 Tue 15-Nov-16 12:58:28

He should go in as he can do similarly strenuous stuff in the name of enjoying himself and as he is on probation. As he has failed probationary periods before then I would be suspicious he was hoping to fail this time too, so he has a semi-acceptable sounding reason to not be working again. If he refuses to go in tomorrow then I think you would be justified in asking him to leave as he is taking the piss big time. Sorry for you as you sound great with a good attitude and a nice person xx

Crunchymum Tue 15-Nov-16 13:00:47

Is he drinking the beer that he is well enough to go to the shops to buy? shock

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Tue 15-Nov-16 13:02:30

If he started taking ABs last Thursday, then he should have gone back to work on Monday. Antibiotics will kick in after a couple of days, although alcohol can negate their effect hmm.

It's not just the loss of earnings, his frequent days off sick when on a probationary period will reflect very poorly on him when they are reviewing him after 6 months. His only hope now is to have an impeccable record for the remainder of his probation and hope they award him with a full time contract. They are under no obligation to keep him on.
(I expect you know all this).

ThatStewie Tue 15-Nov-16 13:02:37

He's taking the piss. And, yes, I think know is the time to be reconsidering the future. Counselling inseptember isn't a magic cure-all. It requires work to change behaviours. Do you really think he's the type of person to put in that work?

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