Trifecta of urgh: a new born baby, MIL and an incontinent elderly dog.(61 Posts)
I'm close to due date, will have a newborn baby over Christmas. MIL keen to know when we'all be visiting, but she understands there is no set date and it will be when we're ready.
The PiLs live at the other end of the country, but we've offered to do the journey than have them come to London (they're competent but elderly). Yes it will be a pain with a new baby in a car journey or train journey but we're going to just make it work.... somehow.
MIL says on the phone last night 'I'm glad you're coming and not us leaving the dog. He's lost control of his bladder and bowels and it wouldn't be fair to leave him'.
This is news to me and the thought of taking a new born to a house with dog wee and poo continually trickling everywhere sounds, well, fucking awful.
What to do?
Part of me thinks suck it up, keep everything as sterile as possible, don't not visit the new grandparents.
The other part of me thinks I'm not commiting to taking a new born on a very long journey, with a battered fanjo, mastering the art of breast feeding to a house covered in dog crap.
(Fully expecting to be flamed. Please note I have a dog myself, and despite many comments on my weight, I a lso don't mind my MiL)
I think it's a bit of a leap from what your MIL said to 'a house covered in dog crap'. Surely your PILs will be working hard to ensure they clean up after the dog??
I think you're overreacting tbh.
If it was a crawler then no way would I take them to the house - but a newborn isn't going to come into contact with the floor or the dog.
What's the house generally like? If they're usually slobs then I understand your concern more but if they're clean and tidy then they're going to be clearing up after the dog anyway.
Would you not visit someone with a puppy? Because that's exactly the same, just that loss of bladder and bowel control in an elderly animal is usually more distasteful to people.
As long as they follow basic hygiene it would present no real risk to a newborn. Surely he/she will be kept away from dog anyway. Poor dog, hope they can sort the problem out.
Sorry - think you are overreacting to the dog thing. The baby wont be crawling so its a non-issue and hardly likely that your MIL will leave piles of poo and puddles around everywhere.
However, the very long journey would bother me - havent there been some new guidelines released recently about new borns being in car seats for a long time? Something to do with them being unable to keep their heads up and the risk of suffocating. I would look into that plus the fact that you don't know how you will feel - sitting for long periods for you may be uncomfortable, establishing breast feeding etc. I would leave it for a good while.
Baby won't be on the floor so as long as anyone touching the baby properly washes their hands before then it would be fine. You might find when the baby is here you don't want to travel though, you'd have to stop at least every 2 hours to feed, change & allow baby to lie flat on their back for a while as it's not good for them to be in a car seat for any length of time. Unless you get a lie flat car seat but you'd still be stopping every 2-3 hours anyway.
I wouldn't do it. You'll be worrying enough, without that added.
Also depending how your delivery goes you could be very sore still. I was still heavily bleeding and in quite a bit of pain 6 weeks after giving birth.
Your use of the phrase a house with dog wee and poo continually trickling everywhere closely followed by Part of me thinks suck it up made me retch and abandon my rice crispies.
I think you just need to ask your MIL or FIL about the dog when you're next on the phone. Say you're sorry to hear about DDog, and is it becoming a bit messy/smelly there? You know, in a sympathetic sort of way, see how they describe the situation.
Surely it's unlikely that they'll just be letting to dog go all over the place and then leave it lying around?
I love you for the phrase 'trifecta of urggh'. I would take the baby providing you don't have to worry about toddlers roaming through the poo as well. I think that you'll be able to keep everything pretty sterile. Ask MIL if dog can be confined to one room - she's probably doing that anyway for their own sake.
Can't you stay home with the new baby?
Btw "trifecta of urgh" is a brilliant expression!
Many many yeats ago I had a dog that became incontinent, amd honestly it wasnt that bad.
There was always someone at home so everything was cleaned up straight away, and carpets cleaned properly so although there was a stronger than usual dog smell, it didnt stink.
I think this depends on what your MIL is usually like, are they messy or do they keep the house clean?
As for travelling, when my PFB was 6 weeks we drove across Europe. It very much depends on how your birth and recovery goes.
Go on the train so you can move around and feed baby when they need. Keep your visit short, wear the baby and keep some hand sanitizer in your pocket. Its either this or the parents come to you...pick the lesser of the two evils!
The dog if elederly and in pain might be better put to sleep, is that something your DH could suggest to them.
If the dogs got to that point there is a good chance by Christmas he will be cocking his leg up Gods lamppost.
"trifecta of urgh" will be today's go to phrase. :-)
The baby will come when it comes. DD was due "over christmas" and turned up in November. However, depending on actual due dates, you may well not be in a position to travel!
The DDog may well not be around come Christmas. Do bear that in mind too. Loss of control like that is often a sign that it is close to the end, depending on the cause (and what treatment they have sought!). It might not be a problem in reality.
You'll work it out! The best thing is of course that if you do go, and DDog is still around, your tiny baby won't be anywhere near the floor because you will be snuggled on the sofa, and not expected to help with any mess clearing duties.
My concern is for your health and wellbeing more than your baby's. I would wait and see how you feel after the delivery. Much here depends on how that goes. If it's smooth and you're reasonably recovered, then travelling for hours and hours in the car will be tiring and stressful, but doable. If you're not then you will be exhausted and it will feel like a bloody marathon.
Can you not meet up at a hotel half way between you for a night?
It sounds like your MIL is relieved she won't have to drive up if it's a long way, and is trying to cement the decision with the news of the dog's problems.
If the dog was so very ill it would be dying or dead (sorry). I am sure they will be letting it into the garden if it can't walk and if there are any puddles or messes they won't be very big, unless it's a mahoosive dog that eats 10 tins of dog food a day!
If you are confident that your PIL are generally clean and tidy, then I would assume they will be at pains to make sure any mess is cleaned up hygienically and there will be plenty of washing hands etc. Don't be shy to talk about that either, keeping quiet for fear of seeming rude is not more important than your newborn's health.
As for the car journey, I would sit in the back with the baby so you can keep a really close eye. Plan in lots of stops so you can stretch the baby out and also (I'm sure you know this) please don't be tempted to ever get the baby out of the car seat whilst travelling for any reason, not even "just for a second". I read a terrible story of a mum a few years ago who got the baby out briefly in the car to try to change a nappy quickly or feed it, and that was the moment they crashed, on the motorway (someone ran into them). The baby was unsecured in the back
has no one heard of dog nappies? I've owned 3 dogs that have been a bit incontinent towards the end. Once you are aware of the problem it is not difficult to manage taking dog outside regularly, washing a bed that is a bit wet daily and maybe an overnight poo to clear up. No one who visited my house would have realised we had this problem.
I have an incontinent elderly dog. My house is fine. He has a bed with a puppy pad on it, washable bedding, a kennel in the garden he likes to go in and he has occasional accidents inside. He's not allowed upstairs, in the one room with a carpet, or on the furniture (he never has been, it's not a punishment for his wee problem) so if he has an accident it wipes up, anti bac, and we're all good. It's really not that much of an issue and I'm not even a dog person - it's not pleasant I grant you but he's a much loved pet near the end of his life. Plenty of people can't control their bowels either and I bet there are plenty of people who have held a newborn and potty trained a toddler or taken their dc out on dog walks where you have to pick up dog poo..... I just cant see it's much different.
Don't do it.
The journey alone will be bad enough, but the rest... no.
Yep, dog nappies are a thing. My parents' elderly dog became incontinent of urine in the last months of her life and wore a dog nappy indoors. I mean, babies are incontinent of urine and faeces, so you should kind of apply the same rationale to any house with a non-potty-trained child in it, no?
As long as you have a back-up plan for if you don't end up being up to making the journey, I don't see a problem.
I also loved "trifecta of urgh" though.
TBH I wouldn't do it and I don't have children, newborn or otherwise.
I hate making long schleps to people's houses for Christmas, and knowing I was going to pitch up in a house with an incontinent dog doesn't make it any more appealing.
Stay at home with your battered fanjo and concentrate on the baby.
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