Advanced search

To not bother visiting them when I go home

(18 Posts)
Mammylamb Tue 15-Nov-16 07:37:42

I moved 100 miles away from home when I married my husband 12 years ago. In that time neither of my sisters have visited.

Last year, after years of waiting, we finally had a son.

In the final months of pregnancy and first 8 months after my son was born I was ill (in and out of hospital, rushed to a & e on several occasions) so I didn't want to travel as I wanted to be near my own local hospital if I fell ill.

My mother has been to visit us on numerous occasions and has stayed with us for weeks at a time to look after the wee one when I was in hospital. My dad has visited twice but made plans to visit and then cancelled at the last minute, numerous times, including the day after my son was born. (Using the excuse that his wife had a cold, yet they were able to visit his wife's niece who had just had a baby the next day).

My sisters haven't visited once. They have sent presents up. But no visits. They both have transport, so that's not an issue. My brother has visited a few times (but it's more awkward for him as he doesn't drive)

My dad (when he can be bothered to be in contact) asks when I'm visiting and makes snide remarks because I spent Christmas at my inlaws (they live a 10 minute walk away)

Aibu to not bother visiting my dad and sisters when I go home to visit my mum. Bluntly I can do without all the rushing around, especially when they can't be bothered comjng to see us.

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 15-Nov-16 07:40:33

Yanbu I cut contact with my mil when she didn't bother asking about or visiting our ds when he was in and out of hosp very poorly that was the final straw if they can't be motivated to make an effort for a sick child why should you run around after them.

acceptnothing Tue 15-Nov-16 07:48:25

I'm not sure. They maybe felt you had too much going on and didn't need the extra hassle of visitors.

Could they come & see you when you're at your mum's? You could send a breezy text saying 'if anyone's around we're available for baby cooing on X dates'.

I'd give them a chance.

DiegeticMuch Tue 15-Nov-16 07:50:04

Don't visit them. If they want to see the baby, they can come to your mum's.

It's so often the case in families that one party does the running around. Very unfair.

Mammylamb Tue 15-Nov-16 07:54:36

Sorry to drip feed but they aren't my mums daughters; they are my half sisters (never usually refer to them as such)

catmombaby16 Tue 15-Nov-16 07:54:42

Defo don't visit them! YANBU!!!

I used to live 2hrs away from my family. In 10yrs my sister visited once and my dad never. Excuse was "your house is too clean and we have dogs".

Then whenever I was up at 'home' they'd be all 'oh are you popping round to see us' I was like 'no, you can surely travel 5 mins up the road after I've come 2hrs'

Getting them to visit was like pulling teeth. So never bothered in the end.

It's awful OP - you enjoy your Christmas with those that make the effort!

Sugarlightly Tue 15-Nov-16 07:55:39

Why don't you just text them to ask if they want to come round?

toomuchtooold Tue 15-Nov-16 07:59:12

God no don't visit them. Have a nice Christmas with the people who actually make time for you.

shovetheholly Tue 15-Nov-16 08:11:57

flowers for you. It's so hurtful when you have to make all the running. It really is the definition of being 'taken for granted'.

Your Mum sounds like a diamond. Maybe spend as much time as you can with her instead??

kissmethere Tue 15-Nov-16 08:58:32

I have to ask, have you actually invited them or do you feel they should just visit?

2rebecca Tue 15-Nov-16 09:18:53

Why is it "going home" when you haven't lived there for 12 years? I really don't get adults who don't regard their own house as home.
My house/ flat/ shared digs has been home since I was 18 and I visited my parents' home. Mine was where I lived.
If you don't want to visit relatives then don't.

LetsAllEatCakes Tue 15-Nov-16 09:26:45

Yanbu. Presumably you've been to see them in the 12 years and then just can't be arsed to visit back?

Just say to your dad, 'it's about time you visited us'.

LetsAllEatCakes Tue 15-Nov-16 09:27:04

They can't be arsed*

catmombaby16 Tue 15-Nov-16 13:25:42


For most people it's still classed as going 'home' - it's not a massive issue what people say.

To me the county I grew up in is classed as "home" even though my home now is somewhere else.

Doesn't matter really does it? hmm

Helpme9 Tue 15-Nov-16 13:31:37

Invite them over to yours or go visit them. When you've had a baby and been ill afterwards I think sometimes people don't want to bother you. That's what I found eg my MIL didn't come see me as my mother was looking after me after a lengthy stay in hospital with my first baby. I was upset but at the same time I thought we'll at least my mother is here and I'll see them after. It will be lovely for your child to meet its aunties. If after visiting etc then you feel you don't want the contact do it then. I wouldn't give up on them just yet

mum2Bomg Tue 15-Nov-16 13:44:11

Did you invite them to visit? My brother always says, "You have to visit us!" and then doesn't actually invite us or let us know when he is free.

NerrSnerr Tue 15-Nov-16 13:50:58

Have you ever invited them to visit?

notfromstepford Tue 15-Nov-16 14:21:05

I wouldn't bother. If they've not made the effort in 12 years, why should ypu have to do the running around? Go to see your mum and enjoy your time with her.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now