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Friend inviting himself over

(20 Posts)
Eaglesandbeagles Mon 14-Nov-16 23:13:23

Friend (lets call him Barry) was very supportive when I was pregnant. His then girlfriend (now ex) was a close friend until she demanded to know if my child was in fact Barrys. Laughed it off over the years and have moved away as has Barry. We don't get to see each other often but when we do talk its normally like we haven't been apart.
Barry introduced me to my now partner and for some reason has started treating me like a leper. He went back to our home town to see people. My house would have been on his way. He did stop off but didn't tell me and chose to see another friend who lives nearby instead.
Made me a bit hmm when I realised he was about 5 mins away and chose not to see me but discussed it with another mutual friend and partner and we all agreed it was odd but we wouldn't be putting extra effort in to see Barry as he hadn't with us and seemed to be acting odd. Ive tried talking to him regarding why but he has brushed over it like all is fine.

Barry messaged me inviting himself and his ex over so they can have somewhere to sleep before they set off on a holiday together.. On a school night.
Aibu to say no even though we have the room?
Dp and I are off work and he knows this but ds is still at school and we are heading off on a long journey to see Dps father straight after school on Friday (family emergency).
I wouldn't normally be so unwelcoming but I can't be arsed after the week we've had. I don't want to have to host people when I know they're only here for their own selfish purposes (easier to leave from my place on Friday morning than their own places). Im also still hurt about him seeing everyone but us especially when he was so close by... He always says he's too busy to see us but insists we travel all the way to see him... Is this friendship over?

Mummyme1987 Mon 14-Nov-16 23:15:13

Yes it's over. Tell him no.

I think it would be entirely reasonable for you to say that it is not possible for you to have them to stay that night - especially not when you are sure it is for his own selfish purposes.

He can get a room in a Travelodge!

BoopTheSnoot Mon 14-Nov-16 23:17:52

He's using you because it is convenient for him. That's not a real friend.
Tell him to do one.

QueenMortificado Mon 14-Nov-16 23:19:12

Has Barry ever had feelings for you?

I would bet yes....

honeyroar Mon 14-Nov-16 23:20:23

I can see that you feel a bit put out, but this is your chance to see him and sort it out. And surely now and again he needs to see other friends that live nearby other than you? I struggle sometimes visiting friends where I used to live as I feel I don't have time to see them all properly - I'd actually like to miss one out and see another for longer, or rotate who I visit.

bloodyteenagers Mon 14-Nov-16 23:20:36

Message him back -bahaha you sent me this message by mistake.

whirlwinds Mon 14-Nov-16 23:26:38

I would put some money on him having feelings for you at some point. As for inviting himself to yours, you have enough on your plate already.

Eaglesandbeagles Mon 14-Nov-16 23:30:02

queen everyone thinks we slept together even my partner admitted he thought that but I have told everyone we haven't. I knew it was an option at one point but I told him that as it couldn't be a long-term relationship I didn't want it to go down that road.

Eaglesandbeagles Mon 14-Nov-16 23:40:20

I do get that he's got to see other people but to see everyone but my partner and myself? Not to mention DS who told everyone at school how excited he was to see him again before he didn't bother turning up

honeyroar Mon 14-Nov-16 23:45:59

I guess you just have to decide whether you want to be friends anymore. If you do it would be easier to sort out if you see him. If you say no the friendship will most likely fade. Either way you get to decide..

Milklollies Mon 14-Nov-16 23:50:07

I would just be polite and say you can't host. Don't need to overthink it or dramatise it.

Liiinoo Mon 14-Nov-16 23:56:27

I think it depends how much you like Barry.

I wouldn't read too much into him visiting a local mate and not contacting you tbh. Situations like that are often tricky and it isn't always possible to see everyone you should see or would like to see.

If you like him and would miss his friendship say yes. If you think the friendship has run its course, say no. If you are a bit jealous of the new gf, sa6 no.

Lollollollol Tue 15-Nov-16 00:00:30

You are really overthinking all of this. If you don't want him to stay then it's ok to tell him that you can't host him. There is no need to give it anymore thought than that.

JustSpeakSense Tue 15-Nov-16 00:02:05

Barry has the hots for you and that is why he's been avoiding you.

However, as you are conveniently located for a stay over he has decided to put hi feelings aside for convenience sake.

Barry is a selfish cunt.

Don't be like Barry grin

Inertia Tue 15-Nov-16 00:07:26

You don't have to justify your reasons for saying no, but I think I would tell Barry that you are having to travel on Friday due to a family emergency so you won't be able to host them on this occasion.

Eaglesandbeagles Tue 15-Nov-16 00:07:34

Its not a new girlfriend its the ex who accused him of being DS dad instead of my then partner (awkward to say the least).

Eaglesandbeagles Tue 15-Nov-16 00:11:58

Im loving all these replies by the way thank you all. And I agree, please do not be like Barry. Barry is insensitive to say the least but ive always cared about him regardless... This time I feel like I should just focus on Dp, ds and myself (and the two parents/GP who gave taken extremely ill) and then deal with Barrys cockwombling later

heebiejeebie Tue 15-Nov-16 21:11:07

Have them to stay. It's one night and it means you keep the option of rekindling the friendship. Or reply saying I'm surprised you want to - I thought we must be off your list when you didn't pop round when you were nearby. See what he has to say.

pipsqueak25 Tue 15-Nov-16 21:18:02

on your bike baz, this is selfish behaviour at least, just say no.

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