To think ex is should stop calling children "son", not by first name?(88 Posts)
My ex has been constantly referring to both ds1 and ds2 as "son" instead of by their first names. It just doesn't sound right. Years ago he would call them by their first names, which are really lovely names, but for the past 3-4 years he insists on calling them both "son". It's as if he has completely forgotten their names or the fact that we named them the day they were born.
He sees them every 2 weekends and in between visits we'd facetime him regularly, so I often hear the following cringeworthy lines:
How are you, son? Let's go, son. Please eat your dinner, son. Please turn the telly off son. Please do your homework SON. Well done SON. Shall we go to the park, SON? Goodnight SON. Bye bye SON. SON SON SON.
When either of our ds's takes part in a race or sporting competition, the ex would bellow across the field, "Come on SON!!! You can do it SON!! Well done SON!!! Keep going SON!!! I'm so proud of you SON!!!" Everyone would stare at him in disbelief.
ds1 and ds2 have cried many times over this because they feel it is so embarrassing.
I've asked him politely to call them by their first names but his argument is that since it is considered unacceptable for children to call their parents by their firstname, he thinks he should therefore call them "son". What a strange theory.
I searched online for forums or discussions about this but simply couldn't find any related topic. Instead, there are thousands of articles on how children should not call their parents by their first names.
AIBU? Is it normal for parents to call their sons, "son". And what if we had a daughter? Would he call her, "daughter"?
I've only heard people say that in American films e.g. "You're going to do very well son." It's another word for boy, not specifically for an actual son.
If his reasoning is correct, then should teachers call pupils "pupil"?
I call my son, "son".
Sometimes son-shine of my life.
Occasionally I call him sweetie.
He calls me mother goose. Or mummy dearest (has no idea of the reference).
No one cries.
It isn't what I'd do but I can't get worked up about it. I've heard plenty of parents refer to their male offspring a 'son'. Pick your battles carefully.
It's fairly common to do it some of the time. I don't think it's close to being rare enough for people to stare in disbelief.
Perhaps it's his way of retaining that unbreakable bond with his children? Divorce is hard and people can cling on to something that suddenly takes on even greater importance than ever. Are your sons embarrassed by the loudness rather than the words? How old are they?
Yabu I call both my sons son and can differentiate between the two of them no problem.
I don't call my daughter by that name but do call her wee yin and various other names except her own.
may be he's forgotten their names... sorry, that's sounds daft, but then so is his reasoning, that doesn't make sense, but i don't get why ds are so upset, crying ? how old are they ? he is calling them 'son' not something nasty or rude, sorry but i don't get it, perhaps your irritation is rubbing off on them and that is upsetting them.
ds1 and ds2 have cried many times over this because they feel it is so embarrassing
I have a habit of calling my dc 'lovely' (S Wales, fairly common). So 'morning lovely' or 'sorry lovely' rather than their names. I imagine I could have started the habit with 'boy', 'son' or any other pet name/variation and they'd barely have blinked at it.
I think the only way your dc would have such a strong reaction to something that (whilst you find it annoying) is actually fairly benign and normal is because you've planted it in their heads, either directly or indirectly tbh.
So I think you're probably BU and more likely to be the cause of your kids upset than your ex tbph.
Why do you need to control how he addresses his own children???? Son is not a bad word.
Get a grip woman, choose your battles.
I find it hard to believe everyone at a sports event would look at him in disbelief because he shouted come on son.
I don't see the problem. I highly doubt people stared in disbelief.
I use this term quite a lot, I just like it, but I also use my boys name too.It seems odd, to not use your child's name atall and surely your child asking for their name to be used would make you tow the line.However, if he's been doing it for 3-4 years, it's not even a phase, it's what he's got used to saying and he's come up with some silly explanation for going against the norm, surely he writes their names in cards ?.He needs to respect his children's wishes, but I haven't a clue how you'd get him to cooperate.
I rarely call my daughter her name, she is usually some variation of it or, more commonly, a foodstuff (sausage/pickle etc). She only makes me stop in front of friends now! I also rarely call my DH his name. Perhaps I have an issue? I also call the children I work with by pet names...sweetheart/babe etc although I do pull back on this as I'm aware not everyone likes it! But it is a conscious decision to rein it in. I think its quite common to call your son, son. I think it could be cultural/social or a way of feeling he is bonding.
I too find it hard to believe that people stared in disbelief! It's fairly common. My Nan used to call my dad 'son' and my father in law also calls both me and my partner 'son' I think its endearing and shows love and affection. I think you've probably put the idea that it's wrong in their heads and that's why they are crying.
As a retired football mum, the only phrase that I will never use again is "sausage" (on the touch line).
It's been 12 years and I'm still living THAT one down.
My fil calls my husband son and it bothers me!! It just doesn't sound right!
I find it hard to believe people stared in disbelief. I don't think it's that unusual that they would stare. My mum called my brother son a lot. I know loads of people that do it seems quite common in some parts of Scotland that I've lived.
If your boys are crying over it I reckon the idea of it being a bad thing has come from somewhere else.
My ex calls our boys son. He is from the north east and his parents call him son and our boys son.
Its nothing to cry over or get your knickers in a twist about.
Thanks for the responses. It sounds like it's perfectly normal behaviour and I am BU. I must admit I've never heard other dads calling their sons "son".
It didn't bother me at first as in fact I actually thought it was rather affectionate/bonding. But gradually he says it excessively and I suppose LemonSqueezy is right about the loudness of it. Maybe that's why people were staring at him.
I don't discuss this with dss. They were upset about something and when I asked what's the matter, they told me why. That's all.
Well it's been 4 years since he last called them by their first names. He came up with this fantastic theory that if it's considered rude for kids to call their parents by their first names, then he therefore should call his kids "son". For life. Today he doesn't call them by their first names anymore, because it is now a habit that has become so ingrained that I think he's forgotten their names. Once he just stood there and paused momentarily when he was trying to say that "those trainers are....er errr err...ds's trainers".
YABU and he has definitely not forgotten their names you need to give your head a wobble
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