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AIBU to ask for hints to help with this conversation?

(19 Posts)
ShtoppenDerFloppen Mon 14-Nov-16 19:29:21

DD just received a new wheelchair. We live in Canada and it was not covered under Provincial benefits, so we were able to get a contribution from a charitable organisation, but the lion's share came from us.

We saved for 10 months to get it for her, and during that time DH lost his job through restructuring. It was a large amount of money for us (close to $4000) but we do not regret it for a second.

However, as a result, it'll be a "tight" Christmas. DH and I have agreed that there definitely will not be gifts for adults, and have no problems with that, but we don't want the DCs to resent DD because her chair is the reason they will only be getting a token gift.

Any wise thoughts?

nephrofox Mon 14-Nov-16 19:31:58

Are there your DCs? Or other people's? Ages?

redexpat Mon 14-Nov-16 19:32:10

How old are the other dcs?

redexpat Mon 14-Nov-16 19:32:51

And has DH started working again?

ShtoppenDerFloppen Mon 14-Nov-16 19:34:49

Others are teens, and have had to sacrifice a lot for DD over the years - she is the youngest.

DH is not working yet, but I have returned to work, so it is not as "bad" as it could be financially... but we are basically just making household expenses right now.

2cats2many Mon 14-Nov-16 19:36:06

Money is tight for me and DH this year for a number of reasons. We have decided that this year our gifts to each other will only be from charity shops and that we have a £10 limit for each other.

I can honestly say that I am more genuinely looking forward to choosing gifts for him this year than for a very long time and I can't wait to see what he chooses for me.

2cats2many Mon 14-Nov-16 19:37:14

Hmm...I can see that teens might be less excited with my idea than adults would be.

OohhThatsMe Mon 14-Nov-16 19:37:47

Yes, 2cats, but you two are adults and the OP is talking about her children who sacrifice a lot for their sister.

OP, would your children be happy to defer a main Christmas present until later in the year?

2cats2many Mon 14-Nov-16 19:38:52

You obviously didn't see my second post Oohthatsme.

yellowflags Mon 14-Nov-16 19:40:07

Can you talk about it in terms of the redundancy rather than the wheelchair? Surely that's the real reason you can't buy Xmas presents - the wheelchair sounds like a necessary expense,

OwlinaTree Mon 14-Nov-16 19:44:19

Are they really likely to resent the fact she needs a wheel chair?

redexpat Mon 14-Nov-16 19:52:26

Is it a no present xmas or a $5 present xmas?

KondosSecretJunkRoom Mon 14-Nov-16 19:59:40

Are you sure you aren't doing your other children a huge disservice? They cannot be unaware of the circumstances that you find yourselves in. They may just be glad that their sibling has a new wheelchair and have already anticipated a small Christmas?

Just be straight with them about what's happening. And ask them if they have any of their own ideas about how to make things nice on a budget.

RedHelenB Mon 14-Nov-16 20:09:21

I agree with delaying a "main" present until their dad is back in work. A stocking made up of necessities plus a few small luxuries would surely suffice?

ShtoppenDerFloppen Mon 14-Nov-16 20:10:18

Owlina it is not about resenting her chair, it is about how much they have given up over the years for what DD needs. I have missed DS's first days of school 22 years in a row in 2 new schools because DD was in the ICU.

It'll be a $5 Christmas, likely, but I am thinking perhaps we could defer until thinks stabilize financially.

ShtoppenDerFloppen Mon 14-Nov-16 20:10:56

Uh, 2 years in a row... he is not doing the 3 decade school plan.

TheSparrowhawk Mon 14-Nov-16 20:12:45

I hate to go all preachy but really you should all thank whatever you believe in that your lovely DD has what she needs. Who cares about presents really?

zzzzz Mon 14-Nov-16 20:20:21

They haven't missed out on presents because of dd confused they aren't getting big presents because you don't have much cash at the moment. The cost of shoes or wheelchairs or toothpaste comes BEFORE any presents. You all know that. Fair does NOT mean everyone gets the same. Live it, breathe it, mean it.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 14-Nov-16 22:01:09

Focus on the redundancy, not the wheelchair, or you risk putting the other children in opposition to your youngest.

I think if you stopped seeing your DD's wheelchair as something that has taken away stuff from your other children, you'd feel less guilty too.

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