To expect DH to clear up after DS's nosebleed?

[WonderWine]

I was away on Sat night - staying with an old school friend. I don't go away often and this was a bit of a girly treat I'd bought her for her birthday.

On Saturday evening DS (17) apparently had a heavy nosebleed at home and when it didn't stop after 30 mins DH took him down to A&E where they ended up checking him over/ blood tests etc and cauterising a vein in his nose, as he has been prone to nosebleeds recently. They were back home by about 10pm he said.
DH didn't call me on Saturday night about it - said he didn't see any point since it was all sorted etc. He did call on Sunday morning to 'let me know about it before I got back' which I thought was fine.

When I got back home at 5 pm on Sunday however there was evidence of the nosebleed left everywhere:

• blood on pillowcase (DS had been lying on bed when it started)
  
• blood smears on bathroom floor where it had been blotted with loo roll, but not mopped afterwards
  
• blood-stained top left by the sink in the utility room
  

When I asked why nobody had cleared it up, DH just very pointedly said "well I took him to A&E"

WTF? AIBU in expecting DH/DS to clean up, rather than waiting for me to get back?"

[OohhThatsMe]

I think it was their job to clear it up, not yours!

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Up to DS, not DH.

[redexpat]

Wow. Of course he should have cleared it up.

[Trifleorbust]

So he thinks it's okay to just leave it for you?

[Trifleorbust]

In fact, your son is 17 so they are both as bad as each other!

[Rumtopf]

Why is it your job?!

Of course they should have cleaned up!

[NoCapes]

Of course YANBU that's disgusting
Although I'd say DS's responsibility at his age, not DH's

[Thatwaslulu]

The pillow case - hmm, my son has nosebleeds and often doesn't notice blood on his pillow case so that is often left. However the blood on the floor and clothing I would expect to be cleaned up because it can stain and it's easier to get fresh blood out of clothes than dried blood.

[DoinItFine]

YANBU

That is gross to leave bloodstains all over the house for days.

Luckily you are well placed to take full advantage of the new household rule that blood doesn't need to be cleaned up.

[WonderWine]

In DS's defence he has been ill (full of cold) and off school, so I can imagine it not being top of mind, but I am honestly disappointed in DH

I don't know why I didn't raise it at the time - now it feels like the moment has passed. WWYD?

[NoCapes]

Did you clean it up??

[WonderWine]

NoCapes - yes, I'm embarrassed to say I did

Now I'm angry with myself and wonder whether I should raise it with them both along the lines of 'you know I was a bit disappointed to come home from my nice weekend to find you'd both left me cleaning and laundry'.

[PeachBellini123]

I think you need to sit down with them both and tell them how unacceptable that is. It's like they think it's your 'job' to clean up - it certainly isn't!

[CockacidalManiac]

NoCapes - yes, I'm embarrassed to say I did

That'll be why they didn't bother to then. They knew that you would.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Perhaps the most constructive thing would be for you to give your DS guidance on how to clear up blood - if he's prone to this now he may have to deal with it himself before too long. Soaking bloodstained clothes/bedding in cold salty water isnt the most obvious thing.

But if he's proper poorly then of course your DH should have dealt with the mess.

[WonderWine]

CockacidalManiac - yes, you're probably right.

Thing is, I don't want to live in a house with their low standards. I honestly think DH would leave the floor until our cleaner came this week!

[NoCapes]

You definitely need to say something then
Ask them why you think any cleaning is naturally your responsibility even if it's one of their bodily fluids?! Ask them if they realise how unhygienic, disgusting and bloody disrespectful of them to see blood on the floor and think 'fuck it, Wonder will clean it up' ask them if they only see you as someone to clean up after them, so much so that they actually save mess That happens when you're not there for you to do when you get home?!

I would make it questions not statements, they're both old enough to have to answer for themselves!

[user1477282676]

I think you should not only be disappointed in DH but also yourself. By 17 he should be doing that himself.

[SapphireStrange]

Ask your DH and DS if they've mistaken you for a cleaner.

NB I'm being rhetorical – I do NOT mean I think the OP's cleaner should have been left the blood to clear up!

[OliviaStabler]

Up to DS, not DH.

This.

[CockacidalManiac]

I think you should not only be disappointed in DH but also yourself.

It's not the OPs sole responsibility here; her husband is just as able to deal with this

[MikeUniformMike]

YANBU but they are men and do not notice these things. Unless it was your mess and you'd not cleared it up. They'd notice that. I would ask your DH and DS to help clear it up.

[golfbuggy]

My 10 year old had a nose bleed on Saturday. She managed to

• put bloodstained tissues in the bin
• put top with blood on in the utility room sink to soak (granted after asking me what she should do with it)
• clean sink and bathroom floor

So agree with others that if 17 year old DS couldn't do similar then something is very wrong ...

[eddielizzard]

don't bloody well clean it up!

i would also ask the cleaner to leave it tbh, because i don't believe a cleaner should have to clean that sort of mess up. your dh should have done it when he got home from a&e or the next morning. so your ds has been sleeping on a blood stained pillow? he could also change it himself and put the dirty washing in the washing machine. at 17 everyone should know how to use one...

[CockacidalManiac]

YANBU but they are men and do not notice these things.

That's weird; I have a penis and I tend to notice when there's blood everywhere.