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Who was BU - me or dh?

(8 Posts)
Kel1234 Mon 14-Nov-16 10:41:58

Just briefly, my husband and I found out that a singer we both like is in tour next year, so we decided to see how much tickets would be. After looking we realised that we couldn't really afford to spend that much (around £200 for both) on two tickets just now due to personal circumstances (dh is is currently not working, except a few shifts here and there at the place he used to work to cover people, but there is no permanent position available), and I'm only a student, so it's been tough).
Anyway we accepted that we can't go and that was the end of it. The next day dh asked if I was disappointed we couldn't go. So being honest I said, "of course it's disappointing we can't go, but we haven't really got that sort of money right now, so it's fine, no point still thinking about it, it won't change anything".
Then he started saying that I was being selfish and unfair and that I was annoyed because I didn't get my own way. And that he tries his best but nothing is ever good enough. And that it's not his fault we can't go.
I never once said it was his fault, or my fault. It's just circumstances right now. I'd never just expect him to pay for something like that anyway. He asked me a question, I answered honestly - yes I was disappointed, but accepted there's nothing we can do about it.
So who was BU? Me or him?

AmserGwin Mon 14-Nov-16 10:46:21

Him! He shouldn't have asked the question if he didn't want to hear the answer!

kissmethere Mon 14-Nov-16 10:58:02

He is BU. You've accepted you can't go. He obviously feels bad you can't go. it was a pointless question.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 14-Nov-16 11:01:59

Him but I suspect it's not about the concert at all and more him feeling bad about not having more work/money

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 14-Nov-16 11:03:08

He feels guilty, for whatever reason he's feeling inadequate or criticised.

PilkoPumpPants Mon 14-Nov-16 11:15:09

Yanbu but don't be too annoyed with him. Sounds like his feeling really down about the situation and feels guilty about not having much work. Maybe he wanted you to be angry at him so it made him feel less guilty iyswim? He probably thinks he'll feel less worse if you didn't handle it so well. Possibly feeling bad that he can't get you much for Christmas this year too.

I hope things get easier soon.

kissmethere Mon 14-Nov-16 11:20:44

Yes I second hoping things get easier. Neither of you can feel good about it. Been there myself.

Kel1234 Mon 14-Nov-16 11:42:46

I suppose it could be. But I was a bit upset that he started saying them things to me, when I'd said it wasn't his fault at all.

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