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to pull my DD of pre-school?

(8 Posts)
tryhard Mon 14-Nov-16 09:32:37

I genuinely don't know what to do & am in a real state about this 😰

DD2 is 3 early Jan, we had lots & tantrums when some of her little friends started pre-school last term, so I potty trained her quickly & put her into pre-school. The first few weeks were fine, but now (she's going 3 mornings a week) she screams & cries every time I leave her. I've tried staying, which makes her worse, at the moment I just help her through the door & go. She is very clingy with me at the moment anyway (doesn't want DH etc) & because I don't have local family support & don't work, she's never apart from me other than pre-school. School have been so great & said within minutes, sometimes within seconds of me going, she dusts herself off, gets over it & has a great day & she's always happy at pick up.

My eldest was never like this & I'm finding it horrendous. I have depression (I'm taking melds & they do help) & I've lost a lot of weight since this started, I feel like it's my fault she's not settled & like I'm letting her down every time I leave her crying & it's just worrying me sick. DH thinks we need to push through, keep taking her & let her get used to being apart from me. I feel like I need to pull her out, wait till she's a bit older & try again. I desperately need the break from her that pre-school gives me, & I know she enjoys it when she's there, but I don't know what to do for the best. AIBU to pull her out & try again when she's 3 or 3.5 or should I push through this as DH says?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 14-Nov-16 09:40:04

Personally if you don't need the childcare snd further more if shes unhappy then I would take her out.
Some children are never ready for Nursery hence the reason why its not compulsory

VintagePerfumista Mon 14-Nov-16 09:42:45

If the nursery have said she's fine after 2 minutes, I'd keep going.

It's not compulsory, but school is. And in 2 years she might still be clinging and screaming if you don't ease her gently into socialisation now, which is what nursery really is for, I always think.

elvesareneverhappy Mon 14-Nov-16 09:50:47

The problem with the argument that some children are never ready for nursery is that you end up with a child like my niece. She's 5 years old and in Reception but still cries whenever my sister drops her off and picks her up. My DD started nursery this term and they told us that for some kids the initial few weeks are the hardest. But for others, once the novelty wears off, they get upset about being left. If you trust the pre-school staff and believe she is enjoying herself while she is there, I would leave her in.

budgiegirl Mon 14-Nov-16 09:52:32

If she's happy while she's there, and the only time she's distressed is at drop off, then I'd push through and keep her there. If she enjoys preschool, and you need the break, and it's not causing any other problems (anxiety from DD at home etc), then carry on with it.

It's really tough to watch your child become distressed, but just try to remember that while you are at home worrying about her, and feeling guilty, she is probably at preschool having a great time!

I used to help out at a preschool on a voluntary basis, and lots of the children went through this. They would cry almost uncontrollably while the parent was there, but as soon as the parent left, and the child got distracted with a toy, they settled and had a great time.

MrsMook Mon 14-Nov-16 10:00:21

DS (3.5) is having a similar phase. He tells me in the morning that he doesn't want to go and wants to stay with me. He will try to cling to me or DH when he's dropped off, but after some hugs from the nursery workers he will settle. He's perfectly happy when I pick him up, he just doesn't like the transition of separation. We have the advantage that he's been going to the nursery since he was 10m and has secure relationships with the staff and children really, but it still taps into maternal guilt.

I've found with my two DCs that these separation phases come and go. DS1 had a similar phase at around the same age which manifested as "punishing" DH for going away by shunning him for a few hours on his return, but as DS's understanding of time improved his understanding of when DH would return, it passed.

If she's happy shortly after your departure and enjoys the rest of the session, I'd keep her there. If she was unhappy for the majority of it then I'd withdraw until she was older.

PeteHornberger Mon 14-Nov-16 10:14:16

She sounds similar to my DD, she started pre-school at 2.5. She used to cry, sometimes more than others. Pre-school told me she was fine after I left and she used to be happy when she came out. I constantly wondered whether I should take her out.

She's now in Reception and after weeks of her being fine going in to school, she cried every day last week with me taking her in. She's fine within seconds of me leaving now (takes a while to get out of classroom sometimes due to lots of kids/parents and I can see her start chatting/playing as I'm trying to leave!). I think she just prefers to be at home - she enjoys school and is doing well but sometimes just doesn't want to go.

Looking back, I think being in a pre-school environment def helped her. When she talks about it, she has only happy memories and never says that she was sad whilst she was there. She settled into the school nursery well and that made the transition to Reception much easier - I suspect if the first time she had experienced a school environment was when she was 5 and in Reception then it would have been a very rocky start.

Good luck, it's tough, especially when you don't need childcare.

tryhard Mon 14-Nov-16 14:51:30

Thank you for these messages. I feel so bad because I don't need pre-school for childcare, I've out her in because she was having awful tantrums on the school run about not being allowed to go yet, and also because she doesn't get much interaction with other kids being at home with me all day, and yet now I feel I've done the wrong thing. It goes against all my instincts to leave her there screaming, esp when she doesn't have to be there, but if we don't have any form of break from watchtower I know I'll suffer for it mentally, yet I feel like if I force her in, she's suffering when we part, though the school say she recovers within minutes.

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