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To not punish my daughter for answering honestly/telling the truth (Father Christmas related)

(440 Posts)
iProcrastinate Mon 14-Nov-16 08:05:26

To cut a long story short! My DD(7.5) hasn't believed in Father Christmas for a couple of years, we never made a big deal about this and I just let her make her own mind up. We still do a Santa letter, and leave out a mince pie with the stocking, that's tradition; and you'll struggle to find a kid who loves Christmas as much as she does! I won't bore you with why we don't make a big deal over it!

DD is under strict instructions NOT to go around telling other children that he isn't real. I don't think that she would, But she has also been taught that to lie is wrong......

So DD and her class have recently moved into Yr3 at school, so they share a play ground with the older kids. DD and a friend of hers were asked, by an older child, do they think Father Christmas is real. DD answered no. That night I got a furious message from the mother of the friend, saying that DD could have 'ruined their Christmases', but fortunately she has managed to 'repair the damage', and could I reprimand DD. I apologised but said that I would speak to her about this but not punish her. She answered honestly.

AIBU not to punish her? At what age do kids start questioning the Father Christmas thing? Surely it must be a hot topic of conversation at this age? DD can't be the only 7yr old out there who doesn't believe.

GazingAtStars Mon 14-Nov-16 08:06:40

I'd ignore the woman tbh. It's not like your dd went round telling all the other children he isn't real, she just answered a question

kipkipkip Mon 14-Nov-16 08:07:46

I wouldn't punish her, it's not your Dd's responsibility to perpetuate a (white) lie that adults have made up grin

The mum is being precious imo.

Euphemia Mon 14-Nov-16 08:09:48


iProcrastinate Mon 14-Nov-16 08:10:08

Forgot to say! I have told her in future to just not answer!

Eolian Mon 14-Nov-16 08:10:16

YANBU. Your daughter just gave her opinion when asked for it. Doesn't mean the other children will necessarily agree with her. It's totally different from just going up to a child who totally believes and saying "Did you know, FC isn't real."

yougetme Mon 14-Nov-16 08:12:48

I wouldnt say anything at all to DD if it was me. She answered a question thats all. The older child must have had a reason to ask and was given your DDs opinion. If shes so persuasive with a simple reply she might have a great career in sales one day.

gingerh4ir Mon 14-Nov-16 08:14:07

but why would you punish her? I wouldn't have engaged with the other mum and apologised at all. Dd was asked and responded. Apart from that, they are Y3. Would have thought they know by then. My youngest worked out at 3 that FC is fiction.

Scooby20 Mon 14-Nov-16 08:15:08

Hmm. Honestly I think as she was asked her opinion and gave it, you shouldn't tell her not to answer in future.

Unless she followed it up with 'I know he isn't real, my mum has admitted it and he definitely isn't real'.

All she did was give her opinion. I don't think dd ever believed a man came down the chimney and left presents tbh. There was no big admission, she has always viewed it as a tradition not real life. I wouldnt expect her to not join in a conversation because her opinion maybe unpopular.

Scooby20 Mon 14-Nov-16 08:15:47

My reply would have been that maybe her child needs to stop asking for opinions if they don't actually want them.

Gallopingthundercunt Mon 14-Nov-16 08:15:55

It's tricky isn't it?
DS answered honestly when asked as he has been bought up to tell the truth. It's a shame really that it was his younger step-cousins who asked him on Christmas Eve confused

Strangely, we've never been as welcome since that day grin

willconcern Mon 14-Nov-16 08:17:12

FFS. Agree with PP - your DD answered a question. From an older child who presumably is questioning this herself. Rather different to a child who deliberately sets out to spoil another's fun. The other mum is being silly.

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 14-Nov-16 08:19:32

The mother was totally unreasonable. Most 7-8 year olds don't believe, or find out around this point. It's not like your daughter went out of her way to say so, and the friend 'still believes', so no harm done. Sounds like this mum is one of those parents.

iProcrastinate Mon 14-Nov-16 08:20:04

Thanks everyone smile

I didn't punish DD, just reminded her not to say smile

All the parents I've spoken to face to face around here seem to be of the 'when a child doesn't BELIEVE anymore their life is FUCKED and they'll never be happy again' crowd. It's reassuring that I'm not the only one who isn't!

x2boys Mon 14-Nov-16 08:20:59

well if the older child is questioning it then they are probably starting to doubt it too ? ds1 is nearly ten and has been saying for a couple of years some kids didnt beleive in father xmas he chose however to continue to beleive this year is the first year he knows definatley there is no father xamas but apparently half his class [yr 5 ] still beleive.

Happymumof3tob Mon 14-Nov-16 08:21:39

Dont worry about it. Finding out father xmas isnt real isnt going to do that child any psychological damage. I know its nice and everything but never really understood why we have lied to kids all these years about it.... we are a muslim household so we dont do it anyway. But ny mum did for us. And i never understood why. Ds knows hes not real. He is 3 ish. But he hasnt told anyone this. He isnt bothered. He gets presents from us. He doesnt need a fat made up man to give him gifts.

w4nnabesahm Mon 14-Nov-16 08:23:51

I am shock that the other mum asks you to punish your DD. non of her business at all.

Wellmeetontheledge Mon 14-Nov-16 08:35:05

I'm 23 and my parents still stay up later than me on Christmas Eve and 'magically' I have a stocking on Christmas Day ;)
Like you say- it's about the tradition more than the belief.

user1477282676 Mon 14-Nov-16 08:36:27

"most 7-8 year olds don't believe"

hmm They do where I'm from!

AnUtterIdiot Mon 14-Nov-16 08:38:24

I knew by 8 that Father Christmas wasn't real. Other mum needs to pull herself together. Your DD has nothing to apologise for.

"Repair the damage" grin

Cosmicglitterghoul Mon 14-Nov-16 08:43:28

I can't believe that mum would lay the blame of her DD questioning the existence of Santa at your DD's door. She's unhinged. Errrr, yeeeeah.

Wolpertinger Mon 14-Nov-16 08:44:19

7-8 is a perfectly normal age to realise that FC is not real. There may be a couple of years where your parents think you believe but the child is maintaining pretence, or there is uncertainty but belief is not on the same level as a 3 year old but is a normal age for the belief to start going.

Other mum needs to look at herself in the mirror.

ErrolTheDragon Mon 14-Nov-16 08:47:04

Oh fgs, most kids stop 'believing' in santa at about this age, if not before. The other mother is being ridiculous. IMO your DD did nothing wrong at all, answering a question honestly.

Ohdearducks Mon 14-Nov-16 08:49:12

My child has come home saying there's no Santa before and I simply said 'not everybody believes and that's ok.'
What the fuck is that woman on? You were far more polite than I'd have been!

BratFarrarsPony Mon 14-Nov-16 08:49:20

honestly do not even engage with this woman , she is batshit crazy.

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