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To consider calling social services?

(62 Posts)
susie2999 Sun 13-Nov-16 21:47:04

Just want some views on this situation..long sorry will try and keep it brief as possible..
My dd (9) started new school this September. After initially seeming to settle really well she began crying when I left saying she missed me. We put it down to separation anxiety for a while and the new school. As the weeks went by her anxiety grew and grew. She was crying from the moment she woke up (sometimes in the middle of the night too) and it was horrendous at school. I said to the school on numerous occasions that I felt there was more to her behaviour and asked them to investigate but nothing was done.
After weeks and weeks of this I woke up one night to the sound of her crying. After a lot of coaxing she finally told me that another child at the school asked her to play a game in the woods ( where it seems the kids can play unsupervised). This child asked dd on 3 separate occasions to play a game called hospitals that involved this child asking my dd to touch her (my dd daughter said she wanted my dd to touch her bottom). My dd told the child she didn't like it and didn't want to play it. This child then told my dd not to tell anyone about the 'game'. This child then began asking my dd every morning 'have you told anyone' and started being really nasty.

We are not happy with how the school has handled the whole situation and to cut a long story short have removed her from the school.

I have since found out that this child has done this before (forcibly tried to remove a girls pants) and used threats against the child to stop her telling anyone.

The child who did this to my dd is also new to the school but the mother didn't tell the school about her child's past wanting her to have a 'clean slate'.

The schools handling of this has been woeful and this child is still at the school and in my opinion the other children remain at risk of the same thing happening to them.

The child in question is vulnerable too I think. It has been suggested to me that her behaviour suggests that she has either witnessed abuse or has been abused herself. I'm not interested in throwing anyone under the bus but am I morally obligated to tell anyone about this if the school don't??????

peaceloveandbiscuits Sun 13-Nov-16 21:50:28

Yes, definitely tell SS. The girl in question needs protecting as much as other children at the school.

TheoriginalLEM Sun 13-Nov-16 21:52:30

I would assume the school will have followed safeguarding procedures

PoldarksBreeches Sun 13-Nov-16 21:52:32

I'd be surprised if the school hadn't informed them already but yes they must be informed.

Rainydayspending Sun 13-Nov-16 21:53:18

Reporting what has happened to SS/ LA would be reasonable, I'd imagine a report has been made by the school though.
Discussing it with anyone else would (I am sure you realise) be gossip, you don't say who has suggested the cause of her behaviour.
For your DD to move on it might be useful to keep this between those she is comfortable discussing it with.
Have the LA offered any support that the school has not?

Sweets101 Sun 13-Nov-16 21:53:41

Yes do, I'd be horrified if they don't already know but if they do, so should the school. There's either been very poor communication between the school and SS or the school are failing in their safe guarding duties. Either way it needs flagging

Ginkypig Sun 13-Nov-16 21:58:45

If this was my child I would call both the police and social services.

I would have no interest in "going after" the child in question but by reporting it might protect that child.

It also is a clear way to show my own child that what happened is not their fault, that they are believed and that I am taking what they have told me seriously. And that I will do everything in my power to protect them.

I'm really sorry your family and your dad have had to deal with this horrible thing happening.

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 13-Nov-16 21:59:02

I'm sure the school have taken this seriously and reported as and when appropriate. Are you expecting the other child to be removed from the school? I think this is unlikely and unfair, she cannot help her past.

I hope your dd is ok though x

a8mint Sun 13-Nov-16 21:59:34

What makes you think ithat the schoil have not followed procedure and in what way have they handled things badly?

Dinnerout1 Sun 13-Nov-16 22:00:14

I really don't blame you for taking your child out of the school, I would be horrified and my husband would be very angry and devastated if anything happened like that to our child. You did the right thing! But this school seems to be lacking in observing the children and supervising them. I feel so sorry for your child, your child could be affected by this for the rest of her life because some mother who obviously doesn't care much about her child and the effects of abuse that her child went through and also doesn't care if other children get affected by her child. It's a vicious cycle and it shouldnt go round, it's not fair that other children should go through what other children have been through whether being abused or not. Where the hell were the teachers or dinner ladies, why were the children by themselves In a forest! I would personally ring SS up and report it. The teachers may of only spoken the the mother and the child and that's it. I would take this further and make sure it doesn't happen to anymore children. Good luck.

Rainydayspending Sun 13-Nov-16 22:03:30

Whilst the child cannot help her past it is very important to punish the child (temporary exclusion) for each serious incident. In the situation described permanent exclusion seems worth considering, 9 year olds are not entirely without knowledge of right and wrong on this.

0phelia Sun 13-Nov-16 22:07:11

I don't think you can reporr anything with just a name. you need the child's address.. So long as you have the name and address of the child you can inform. Otherwise SS will ignore your concerns and it's entirely down to the school.

I would start with a serious talk at school.

baconandeggies Sun 13-Nov-16 22:09:40

Yes - do submit your account to SS yourself. Hope your DD is healing x

baconandeggies Sun 13-Nov-16 22:12:14

And maybe ofsted as it's an unsafe environment.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 13-Nov-16 22:13:53

I would be surprised if SS aren't already involved.

I hope your daughter is doing ok.

princesspineapple Sun 13-Nov-16 22:15:47

I would definitely call SS... All I could think of while reading was how on earth has this child learned behaviour like that?! It sounds incredibly worrying, and you could potentially be saving her from something horrible at home.

PoisonousSmurf Sun 13-Nov-16 22:18:14

The teachers have a duty to report this to Ofsted and the local SS. They can be arrested and charged if they dont!

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 13-Nov-16 22:22:32

What makes you think the school haven't reported it? It's very unlikely they haven't taken the appropriate action. It's not worth the risk to them and it's unlikely they'd ignore a child who obviously requires support.

MistressMolecules Sun 13-Nov-16 22:26:38

I hope your daughter is ok (and the other girl, I hope is ok and gets the help she so desperately needs). Something in your post made me think of a school near me, if it is then I honestly would go beyond the school and directly to SS - actually I really would go directly to SS just to be on the safe side. That little girl needs help.

susie2999 Sun 13-Nov-16 22:27:42

Thank you all so much for your advice and lovely wishes for my dd.
The school initially told us that they were dealing with it as 'natural curiosity' from this child. It was only when we said hang on there is a history with this child that they said they would investigate it. I didn't want to tell the school about the child's previous as her mother had told me in confidence. But I felt I had no option as the mother was clearly not going to say anything. They have totally let us down on safeguarding and duty of care. I am not at all convinced that they have informed social services.

I agree with the post about gossip. Although this child has damaged my child, I am really not interested as I said in throwing her under the bus. She clearly needs help.

MistressMolecules Sun 13-Nov-16 22:35:01

Whilst the child cannot help her past it is very important to punish the child (temporary exclusion) for each serious incident. In the situation described permanent exclusion seems worth considering, 9 year olds are not entirely without knowledge of right and wrong on this.

^^This is wrong, on so many levels Rainydayspending - there is a very high chance this child is being sexually abused (or witnessing it) - how else has she learnt this behaviour? and you are suggesting punishing her (WTAF) ?? What the child needs is care, and support and help.

gillybeanz Sun 13-Nov-16 22:35:22

Poor kids, both your dd and the other girl.
I think they both need help and perhaps your dd would benefit from a professional, just to make sure she is ok.
If it was my child I'd call Police and ss, for everyone's sake. I also believe that school will have followed procedures, but mistakes do happen and we hear of cases all the time where something/ one has slipped through the net.

CoolCarrie Sun 13-Nov-16 22:35:51

I wouldn't trust the school to deal with this tbh. Not all schools want to get involved or frankly know how to. Get in touch with the SS tomorrow. The other dc at the school need to be protected and the child needs help. I hope your dd is healing.

AskBasil Sun 13-Nov-16 22:46:22

You won't be throwing the child under the bus if you report to SS.

You'll be trying to get her the help she needs at a time when whatever has happened to her, can still be addressed so that the long term effects can be reversed or at least mitigated.

I wouldn't have blind faith in schools reporting, given how shit they were in dealing with your child, it's not reasonable to suppose that they're doing what they should re the other child. But even if they are, another phone call from another source, may get SS to shift this child up their priority list.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 13-Nov-16 22:53:14

You speaking to social services could be the difference between the child being safe from harm and the child not being safe.

Do it

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