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AIBU?

To think I must look disgusting?

19 replies

Waanderlust · 13/11/2016 20:03

3 dates I've been on. 3 first dates and no second date.

I decided to ask one of them what had changed as I was genuinely curious to get an understanding and he said I didn't look like what he expected.

I feel like the other two were the same.

I just don't get it. Obviously I put my better photos up ... But I'm hardly posting as a supermodel and showing up as a hairy trucker.

I have another date soon and I like him but I feel like cancelling because I think he will also find me repulsive

OP posts:

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UmmAandY · 13/11/2016 20:09

I am sure you look perfectly fine. Have you tried to skype or FaceTime with them before meeting them? Sometime the chemistry just isn't there and you had back luck with these first few. I hope you will have a lovely date with the next guy

Foslady · 13/11/2016 20:13

I feel your pain - 3 dates here and the only one wanting a second date was the one who expected to sleep with me on the 1st one .

Rapidly coming to the conclusion I must be grotesquely ugly with no personality.......but then again I wasn't impressed with any of them.....I guess I must be too picky in my old age......

Foslady · 13/11/2016 20:14

And don't cancel- the others just weren't the right ones

Lupinlady5 · 13/11/2016 20:17

No!
I went on loads of dates before I met my now DH (met him at work in the end). Loads of them obviously didn't fancy me, and I often didn't fancy them. With quite a few of them, I could see they were good looking, but the chemistry just wasn't there.

Katy07 · 13/11/2016 20:37

Think of it as a good thing - you won't be wasting any more time on men who only want a relationship with a supermodel and are completely shallow. Eventually you'll meet someone who is an adult more bothered about you having a personality.

Smartleatherbag · 13/11/2016 20:40

Sometimes it's down to male entitlement. Too much porn and too many shitty movies has convinced them that even the pug ugly blokes should be able to bag some goddess. You're worth more. Sod them.

Nectarines · 13/11/2016 20:43

Don't you think tinder and the likes make it easy to see dating like that? Brief glance and swipe right/ left with no consideration to personality/ how you may get along. Some of these guys just don't seem to want to invest anything beyond first impression.

You're not the problem, they are!

dublingirl48653 · 13/11/2016 20:44

bet you look fab

dont let this put you off though
iv had dates were they clearly looked at me with huge disappointment - i ordered a drink sat with them for an hour and went off to party with friends

i am always myself with very little make up and if they dont like that then sod it

have had a few second dates but sadly still single
not too fussed at then min but lets see

perditalost · 13/11/2016 20:47

Did you want to see any of them again?

SmellOfPythonInTheMorning · 13/11/2016 20:51

Too much porn and too many shitty movies has convinced them that even the pug ugly blokes should be able to bag some goddess.

This. Spot on. I went on lots of OLD dates with very unremarkable men who very clearly thought they could find something/someone better elsewhere.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 13/11/2016 21:05

I think your expectations are too high, when I first moved to big city I did dating and sight seeing together, second date rare and then often no third. You need to date a lot of frogs honey.... Keep at it ... Do they look like their pictures ? Maybe put good but realistic ones up ?

cosytoaster · 13/11/2016 21:06

You're one up on me op - I can't even get a first date - fuck 'em!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 13/11/2016 21:20

Ewww - I really don't want to turn into a man-hater, but seriously? What the actual fuck? Who are all these entitled twunts who demand a size eight woman with big tits while ignoring their own moobs and beer bellies? Yuck, yuck, yuck. Get some self-awareness, dudes.

butterfliesandzebras · 13/11/2016 21:26

When I did internet dating I found I couldn't really tell if I'd fancy someone or not from a photo.

There were guys I thought looked good in pics, and they weren't ugly or anything in real life, I just didn't have that attraction.

And I nearly didn't meet up with my now husband because I didn't think he looked that great in the pictures! (obviously I hastily revised that opinion on meeting him).

Internet dating is a numbers game. I did lots of short 'coffee'-type dates, you have to meet quite a few people before you're likely to find someone you click with.

MLGs · 13/11/2016 21:26

I went on a date with a bloke a few months back through OLD who I didn't feel an attraction to when I met him in RL.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with him looks-wise whatsoever (and nothing objectively wrong any other-wise). I just didn't personally feel an attraction. Hopefully the bloke went on to find someone better for him on the next date.

If you happened to get three of these "just didn't feel it" dates in a row then it probably feels a bit shit, but it's just bad luck. I'm sure you look lovely and will find someone who thinks so too.

It's not an objective thing anyway imo.

Juicyfruitloop · 13/11/2016 21:26

I'm sure you are a beautiful person. I would not give a 2nd thought to criticise yourself. Shallow twats. There are some really nice guys out there. I met my DP through work after dating lots of idiots. I gave up hope. I think a lot of those apps are superficial. Please do not judge yourself based on shallow Hal s out there.

hollieberrie · 13/11/2016 21:33

Dont take it to heart OP. I have been on loads of dates in the last year and i literally didnt fancy anyone. If the sparks not there then its not there, you just have to keep going.

BarbarianMum · 13/11/2016 21:41

Well, do you fancy 1 in 3 men you meet? 3 isn't a very large sample size so it's not that unlikely that you didn't meet Mr Right immediately.

blueshoes · 13/11/2016 22:26

Butterflies: "Internet dating is a numbers game. I did lots of short 'coffee'-type dates, you have to meet quite a few people before you're likely to find someone you click with."

I would agree with this. I thought the norm is NOT to have a second date. You really don't want to waste time if there is no mutual attraction - just move on to the next. Don't use OD to validate your self-esteem because it is brutal. Keep it light very light, don't invest until all the signs are there and even then ...

The great thing is you are getting to go on dates and meeting people. It is a matter of time.

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