My DH and I have been living together for over a year. He is the kindest man I have known (why I married him) and the housework has started to become a source of contention so I want to sort this out before it becomes a big issue in our marriage!
I am the main breadwinner. I earn a lot more than DH and own our house. He does contribute towards bills, mortgage etc (we came up with an agreement that we both felt was fair), but I do pay more. When we go for meals out etc, I normally pay. I am happy with this as, when he does have spare money, he will take me out.
To get this money, Iwork long hours. I'm in work between 6/7 and get home, every day at half 6. I then have to spend at least 2 hours working at home, each night. I do this because a) the work needs to be done otherwise my performance at work would slip and b) I am continually trying to progress in my career so we can be more comfortable and afford to start a family.
By contrast, DH works from 8 - 4, is always home by 5, and doesn't have to do any work at home. He isn't really interested in progressing in his career, which is fine because he always says if we have children he will stay at home with them :)
However, he does the majority of the housework. If I'm honest, he does pretty much everything. He cooks dinner every day and I am very, very messy! I'm not proud of it, but tidying always takes backburner to any work I have to do (and I always have work to do!). If I were to clean or cook dinner in the evenings, it would mean I would have to work until midnight to get everything done (as it is, I go to bed at 10/11 and often still haven't finished). I normally only have one day off at the weekend (if that) and if I do the last thing I want to do is clean...
He always seemed to fine with this, and has said before it is fair because I am working to earn money for us, so he doesn't mind doing the washing etc. However, recently I can tell he is getting resentful. I know this because he keeps bringing it up when we are with his mum ( never on our own!) and then she joins in saying I should help out more with the housework...
Oh (and so as not to dripfeed), I also have quite bad health anxiety, so, for example, once I tried to clean the bathroom, but then thought I had inhaled some of the cleaning stuff which would obviously destroy my lungs, and I then had a panic attack... I know, I know, it is ridiculous and I am working on that!
So, my AIBU is do you think I should help out more with the housework even if it means sacrificing the one, precious day each week I have where I don't have to do any work? DH, by contrast, does all the housework atm, and still has lots of time to play his xbox...
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AIBU?
AIBU? DH does all the housework
283 replies
willowtreeonfire · 13/11/2016 11:31
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