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AIBU to ask how and when you told your DC you were expecting?

(12 Posts)
Crisscrosscranky Sat 12-Nov-16 21:41:47

My DD is 9. She's never expressed any interest in a sibling in fact she's mentioned that she doesn't really want one blush

Regardless DH and I would like another child and after quite a long time TTC I am now 6 weeks pregnant. We've told our parents but otherwise plan to announce at Xmas when we see rest of the family.

My AIBU is to ask how you would advise we break the news to DD? I was thinking about booking a private early scan for 23rd December and taking her with us so she knows, and has time to process, before everyone else and if she's not thrilled the presents should detract from the disappointment of a new baby!

Disclaimer- I actually think that she'd make a marvellous big sister once baby is here but I do think the shock of a sibling after 9 years of being an only child with all our attention will need some getting over!

Orangedaisy Sat 12-Nov-16 21:46:18

Congratulations! Like the idea of early scan with her but maybe a bit further before Xmas-if it doesn't go down too well with her could you risk spoiling her Xmas?

LuchiMangsho Sat 12-Nov-16 21:48:10

We told 3.5 year old DS too early last time. I then miscarried at 14 weeks and he really struggled to deal with it. We told him around 15 weeks this time and I had a 20 week scan today and he is super duper excited. He is also a bit older (not 9) so can process big changes are ahead. I have been touched by how excited he is.

Crisscrosscranky Sat 12-Nov-16 22:11:43

Thanks for your responses Orangedaisy I did think about earlier but I don't want to risk having to have an internal scan by going too early - that would be embarrassing for her I think! I also don't want to go before she breaks up from school as don't want her friends and their mums to know and probably post it on FB! before the rest of our families!

MistresssIggi Sat 12-Nov-16 22:14:11

I would not take a child to a scan unless you already have had one in private.
I told ds when I was about 7 months, but I think a nine year old would suspect long before that!

MistresssIggi Sat 12-Nov-16 22:15:25

The private place I went to once offered a second scan for half price, if you haven't had an NHS one by then.

Thatwaslulu Sat 12-Nov-16 22:18:43

I was 10 when my sister was born and after a childhood as an only who hadn't ever wanted siblings, I was actually thrilled and fascinated by my mum's pregnancy. I knew before my parents told me that my mum was pg, I don't know how I knew but I remember clearly telling my best friend that mum was having a baby, and then about a week later my parents sat me down to tell me properly. If you are planning on taking your DD to the scan, you need to tell her beforehand and give her time to get used to the idea, so she can be excited rather than confused.

kittymamma Sat 12-Nov-16 22:19:14

My DH and I told our DD 2 days before our 20 week scan, she was 4 yo at the time. We originally planned to tell her on the day and then take her along to the appointment to see her sibling for the first time, however, she went into one of her little rants about how cool it would be to have a baby in the house and my husband couldn't keep it quiet for a moment longer. It was the sweetest thing, she got up from her chair and came over and hugged my belly and said hello to the baby.

Obviously the difference is, my daughter actually wanted to be a big sister and it was the best news in the world to her. I would worry about doing it on the 23rd and then announcing it to the whole family two days later. If she is upset by it, the last thing she needs is everyone asking if she is looking forward to being a big sister for the whole trip. Wouldn't it be possible to leave breaking the news until after your first scan (which I am assuming will be after christmas but before new year)? You could tell immediate family discretely and tell them you aren't telling DD just yet.


Microwaste Sat 12-Nov-16 22:21:45

We told my DC after the 20 week scan, wanted to be sure everything was ok and also they were young (2 and 3) and it's an age to wait. If I were pregnant now (now that I have a 9 year old!) I'd still wait as long as possible, possibly even 20 weeks again if I could get away with it. It's such a long time for a child to wait!

I definitely wouldn't take them to a scan though, what if something were wrong? Horrible thought, but it is something you need to consider.

Coconut0il Sat 12-Nov-16 22:22:04

DS1 was 12 when I was pregnant with DS2. We told him after the 12 week scan, gave him his own copy of the scan picture, which he still has on his wall. He had never shown any interest in having a sibling but he's been fantastic with DS2 right from the start.

kittymamma Sat 12-Nov-16 22:27:23

Microwaste I said this exact thing to my husband and got a massive sulk and lecture from him! Apparently I was being "negative and morbid!"

Crisscrosscranky Sat 12-Nov-16 22:37:07

Don't have NHS scan date yet but as I'm 12 weeks on 24th I am assuming it will be after Xmas but hopefully before new year- I'll admit it hasn't crossed my mind that anything would be wrong at the scan. We were hoping to tell family in person over Xmas and there's no way that DD wouldn't twig - she's 9 but could give Poirot a run for his money (I definitely won't be able to hide it until 20 weeks!!)

Looks like we need to consider telling her a little earlier and disabling FB from the school mum comments!

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