To think me hitting her 10 years ago hasn't caused this?

(216 Posts)
MrsKieraJ Sat 12-Nov-16 16:51:25

Hi. But unsure if I should ask this. I'll probably be slated!

Anyway I've grown a thick skin for this.

My daughter is 16, she is very mentally unwell. Lots of suicide threats and thoughts, 1 attempt. Self harms most days, has been in hospital for stitches etc. Still seeing CAMHS and I try and get her to therapy etc. She sees a few different people. When she was about 6 I did hit her, it was more than a slap too and I have never forgiven myself I fully admit I was in the wrong and am not pretending it was nothing as it was a massive deal, but everytime she has ever done anything wrong, she's always said "I'm not a perfect child, like you're not a perfect mum because you hit me" and I hear it every single day. Her counsellor has just encouraged her by telling her that it could have caused all her issues. Be honest, do you seriously think that's likely? Surely many mums have lost their temper at some point. I'm sure all of those didn't develop such severe mental health problems. I remember my mum used to slap me very frequently!!

Trifleorbust Sat 12-Nov-16 16:54:38

It depends what you mean by 'more than a slap' tbh.

SoupDragon Sat 12-Nov-16 16:54:43

more than a slap

That answers it all.

lalalalyra Sat 12-Nov-16 16:55:11

What do you mean by 'it was more than a slap'?

LoveMyPatio Sat 12-Nov-16 16:55:26

Honestly? No I don't think that one hit could have caused such issues unless you left her with permanent damage.
However I do think that general attitude and how a family (fails to) deal with emotions could cause it in a susceptible individual. Or emotional abuse

AndShesGone Sat 12-Nov-16 16:56:07

What is 'more than a slap'?

I think you need to clarify this. It's quite different smacking a 6 year old and beating them with a stick.

What did you do?

SidneyPiecrust Sat 12-Nov-16 16:56:40

More than a slap to a six year old, dear god

Artandco Sat 12-Nov-16 16:56:47

Well it doesn't sound like a loving relationship from small. I have a 6 year old, he would be scared and afraid if Dh or I hit him at all, especially as it sounds like actual hard slapping etc. If Dh hit me he would be out the door in 2 seconds flat

LoveMyPatio Sat 12-Nov-16 16:57:19

Oh I missed the "more than a slap".

GizmoFrisby Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:09

Probably yes. If it was more than a slap. Did u bray her? She maybe has issues with that still. Was it once or consistent? hmm

AidingAndAbetting Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:10

I honestly don't think AIBU is the place to seek answers for this. How could we possibly tell either way?

ChestyCoffin Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:25

I agree, what is more than a slap?

SidneyPiecrust Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:27

Slap would be bad enough. You have play obably caused psychological damage, she obviously remembers it.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:55

I don't really understand.

Was it just once?

What is more than a slap?

Was it done in anger or as a form of discipline?

GizmoFrisby Sat 12-Nov-16 16:59:11

I don't know how parents smack their children. I feel like crying if I raise my voice. Dear god

MrsKieraJ Sat 12-Nov-16 16:59:28

She may have been about 7, I was unwell. Does it really matter exactly? It was more than a slap but she didn't need medical attention or anything. Yes, she was scared and yes, I was awful and yes I am a horrible person for it but it was one mistkae

LineyReborn Sat 12-Nov-16 17:00:08

It honestly depends what you did, why, how, where.

Did you punch a six year old? Slap her on the arse till she wet herself and walk away? It matters, what happened.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 12-Nov-16 17:00:14

GizmoFrisby

What is bray?

mumonashoestring Sat 12-Nov-16 17:00:36

Depends what you mean by more than a slap - head injuries absolutely can cause life-long mood and personality changes and instability.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 12-Nov-16 17:00:46

Yes it matters.

Muskey Sat 12-Nov-16 17:01:03

I actually think your daughter is manipulating you in order to make you feel bad. I am sure we have all been too harsh with our dc at one point or another. I seriously doubt that even a handful of incidents cause the problems your daughter has. Mental health problems can arise from serious mental and physical abuse but they can also arise for other reasons. Please stop listening and reacting to the quilt trip your dd is dealing you and try and help with constructive support.

TotallyOuting Sat 12-Nov-16 17:01:58

Yes, she was scared and yes, I was awful and yes I am a horrible person for it but it was one mistkae

If it is still affecting your daughter then it is still affecting your daughter. It is not for you to decide when she should be over it or how much damage you judge it might have done.

GreatFuckability Sat 12-Nov-16 17:02:10

I think one incident is unlikely to be the only cause of her issues, it's more likely that how that incident has been dealt with may show that there is some dysfunctional thinking going on in your family.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 12-Nov-16 17:02:54

Any physical violence from a parent has the capability to cause emotional issues. They are the people who are meant to love and protect you, not hurt you.

YouHadMeAtCake Sat 12-Nov-16 17:03:31

More than a slap? A punch? To the head, to the face? I shudder at a slap let alone ''more'' than a slap.

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