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To want my husband to stay in tonight

(117 Posts)
sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 12:14:08

So my husband went out for drinks with his friends last week in Tuesday... fair enough I guess he's entitled to do that, he's got another night out planned for next weekend drinking with his friends. Then tonight Hes just announced he's going out to watch his friend play. So that's 3 events he's had to himself. I asked him to stay home tonight and he's called me selfish. Saying I'm too needy and selfish. I thought we could spend time together at home. Am I being unreasonable or is he just being a bastard?

Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa Sat 12-Nov-16 12:16:51

If he's leaving you to look after children alone and you aren't able to go out yourself than he is being slightly unfair. If you could also go out then I think you AIBU.

Arfarfanarf Sat 12-Nov-16 12:17:57

3 evenings in about a fortnight?
So about 11 evenings in?
Tbh that diesnt seem excessive to me.
But if you feel bad then perhaps count up how many evenings you do spend together and maybe plan stuff?

Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa Sat 12-Nov-16 12:18:13

Sorry are being unfair not AIBU blush

PotteringAlong Sat 12-Nov-16 12:18:29

3 events in 3 weeks isn't a lot. Even if you had 3 evenings out too that's still 15 nights to spend together at home.

shivermytimbers Sat 12-Nov-16 12:21:33


OnionKnight Sat 12-Nov-16 12:21:58

Unless there's a massive backstory YABU.

NapQueen Sat 12-Nov-16 12:22:56

Ask him to stay in why?

Unless you had plans that he was meant to stay in with the kids for then asking him not to go to an event is pointless.

Make your own plans for nights he isn't out maybe.

Finola1step Sat 12-Nov-16 12:24:01

More info needed really. If he works most evenings and say has 3 evenings planned for 4 evenings off then YANBU.

If he is out spending family money and dc are going without then YANBU.

If he has a social life but wont do his fair share so that you too can have a social life, YANBU.

If none of the above apply, the YABU.

Unless of course this is a reverse?

SugarNspiceNallThingsNice Sat 12-Nov-16 12:24:20

Couldn't you go with him?

ClopySow Sat 12-Nov-16 12:25:57

Do you have children?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 12-Nov-16 12:26:17

Go with him.

sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 12:27:07

He goes gym 2 nights a weeek every week as well

sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 12:28:28

Can't go with him have no baby sitter and we have 5 children one is a 5 month old who's breastfed. I never go out alone or do anything. We never spend time together anymore he's always at work gym or out

Arfarfanarf Sat 12-Nov-16 12:29:04

So how many evenings a week do you spend together?
2 out of 7 leaves 5.
Less 3 in a fortnight/ 3 weeks

Still leaves a lot of evenings together.

Do you have free time too? If not, you should. If you want it that is.

sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 12:29:05

Can't go with him have no baby sitter and we have 5 children one is a 5 month old who's breastfed. I never go out alone or do anything. We never spend time together anymore he's always at work gym or out

sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 12:30:47

Me makes no effort whilst at home on the odd night. Sits on his phone does his own thing

sammyjayneex Sat 12-Nov-16 12:31:49

Most days he works long hours as well like say 9-22:00

Seems like life is all about him

itsbetterthanabox Sat 12-Nov-16 12:33:04

Does he stay in with the kids while you go out the same amount?

Arfarfanarf Sat 12-Nov-16 12:33:09

then thats a problem. You should have some time to yourself. If you cant go out for long periods then findsomething you xacan do.
If he isnt willing to give you time to yourself that's a problem.

But still 2 evenings a week at the gym and three evenings socialising in 2/3 weeks is not every evening.

Count up how many evenings he is in. I think it can feel like theyre out all the time when actually thats not the case.

But regardless, if you feel like you never have any free time he is lettingyou down

Arfarfanarf Sat 12-Nov-16 12:35:36

Xpost again.

If you arent happy then say so.
If he loves you he will care.
If he doesnt care, well, draw your own conclusions and move forward as you see fit.

Say how you feel and ask for what you want.
It sounds like what you are actually bothered about is that he doesnt seem to want to be with you. You see his choices as a rejection of you.

His reaction to that will tell you everything.

Fortnum Sat 12-Nov-16 12:36:05

he works 13 hours a day ? And goes out 3 times in a fortnight ? You are being unreasonable. What would you do tonight if he stayed in ? Why dont you plan an evening together another night.

Bluntness100 Sat 12-Nov-16 12:36:57

I think the issue is uou don't do anything. Can you express milk and sort something to go out? I'm not sure it's fair to say he has to stay in because you're breast feeding and can't go out.

Puddington Sat 12-Nov-16 12:37:28

He works 13-hour days? Is that by choice/wanting to do overtime or does he have to do it? While I agree it's not fair for him to frequently leave you with 5 kids when you have limited babysitting options to get out yourself and you are NBU about that, I don't think such long hours are necessarily "all about him", I know I'd be beyond stressed if I had to work that much every day!

SugarNspiceNallThingsNice Sat 12-Nov-16 12:38:52

Now you have told us more I see it differently. I have 3 kids, and if my hubby was out socialising or at the gym as much as you say I'd probably be quite miffed too, considering I never get a break.
Do you ever have a break/time for yourself?

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