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AIBU to say no to arranged contact plan tonight?

(12 Posts)
Bigpizzalover Sat 12-Nov-16 09:10:33

NC as I don't want grief from said ex's family as this could 'out' me.

Ex has our DS one night a week overnight at his partners house (they live with her parents)
This morning at 2am I get a text saying he can't have our child as planned as he and his GF have argued and split up and she's thrown him out the house - won't even let him back in for his things.
It's taken me until 8am to get a reply to me asking if he was still seeing DS throughout the day in a different location, I get the reply of 'I'll have him here, we're okay now'
I just don't see how in the space of 6 hours you can go from been separated and been thrown out the house to okay, without some sort of atmosphere that my DS will pick up on.

Background DS is a mummies boy anyway - he's 3 and ex has only bothered been around for the last year and a half. It's only been the last couple of months DS has had overnight stays, he is very sensitive so would pick up on any atmosphere.

AIBU to say no to contact today, or the contact that was originally planned? (Sorry for long post)

PurpleDaisies Sat 12-Nov-16 09:16:11

Some couples are like that-they like the drama. It sounds like your ex jumped the gun in cancelling contact (which isn't a great thing to do obviously) but I don't think that's grounds for stopping your son seeing his dad. Is it worth the fight with your ex just because of a possibility your son might pick up an atmosphere from a fight that he says is now resolved?

limon Sat 12-Nov-16 09:16:24

Yabu I'm sorry. Can you guarantee that there will never ever be any atmosphere, tension on upset in your own home? This is his far her - he had as much right to spend time with him as he has to spend time with you.

Bigpizzalover Sat 12-Nov-16 09:29:14

Yeah I understand it's his right to see his son, that's why suggested seeing him in a different location for today just not overnight. Maybe it's the fact he's been a pretty much shit dad that's clouding my judgement.
Of course my homelife isn't perfect no ones is, I just didn't want the one day he sees his dad (mediation/solicitor agreed) to be atmospheric.
Thanks for your replies though ladies I see what you're saying x

lostoldlogin2 Sat 12-Nov-16 09:29:54


Difficult. Couples fight. But him cancelling contact and then changing his mind back is the issue here not the fight. You don't "cancel" having your son at home if you have a rough day......neither should he. He should be putting the chhcild above his own life dramas except in the case of extreme emergency. So his response to the fight ......his very first thought should have been "how am I going to facilitate tomorrow's contact with my 3 year old son tomorrow and ensure that this doesn't affect him".

JenLindleyShitMom Sat 12-Nov-16 09:31:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AyeAmarok Sat 12-Nov-16 09:33:41

I think YABU, but I can see why you're hesitant. However, a 3 year old won't be able to pick up on the atmosphere between two people he only sees once a week.

Sounds like they're both drama llamas.

Bluntness100 Sat 12-Nov-16 09:33:49

He says it's fine, you need to let him see him as planned.anything else will cause a whole lot of stress and he is his son too and also gets a say in the decisions,

Cancelling as there may be an "atmosphere" is unreasonable, sorry,

Bigpizzalover Sat 12-Nov-16 09:42:23

Jenlindey - I am not grasping for reasons to withhold contact at all, I actively fought for him to see his son in the 1.5yrs he didn't bother, paying for mediation, paying for time with solicitors, constantly trying to get him involved, if I was trying to stop contact id have done this moons ago. I was/am just generally unsure of how suitable it would have been given the fact it wasn't just a little tiff, they ex was kicked out the house etc

Yes you're right my son does have a say... Last weeks say was he was crying to come home early so his dad dropped him of and didn't even say bye to him as DS had 'pissed him off' and then I had a few hours of DS crying he had upset daddy, so he does pick up on these things, hence my hesitation.
But you guys are all right, so I shall let him go, unless this becomes a regular thing.

Thanks x

WeAllHaveWings Sat 12-Nov-16 09:42:40

All (or most) couples have arguments.

Children don't get taken away from their residential parents every time they have an argument, this is no different. He was premature cancelling contact, and it sounds like he enjoys a bit of drama too.

But he's his dad, faults and all, and you cant cancel contact for minor reasons. Its up to him to judge whether he takes his ds out for the day if there is any ongoing atmosphere after their row.

thatdearoctopus Sat 12-Nov-16 09:52:33

Hmm, not sure. In the light of what you say about last week's contact, when your ex said your ds had "pissed him off," I might be re-considering on those grounds alone. (And before that I was wondering if you might be being a little precious).

Bigpizzalover Sat 12-Nov-16 10:00:36

Thankyou thatdearoctopus - just seemed to me that last week he was pissed off at DS, this week he is pissed off with GF and given this mornings 2am text how much of a stable environment would I be sending our child too.
As the majority think I ABU I have said to exP that DS can go, however if any bickering/arguments start as of last nights issue then he's to bring him home or take him out that residence to a different location.

Thanks again guys x

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